Where am I? And how did I get here? Trying to sort it out.

ArthurDentArthurDent North AmericaSilver Member Posts: 8
As in my intro, I've had success in some areas, but very modest in the relationship area. Sort of like the intro to the MAP book, covering all that stuff MMSLP wasn't about.
I'm thinking I have major, deep beta tendencies. Before I met my wife, I had some otherwise very attractive women in my life, who all wanted to "just be friends" and left me as sort of a beta orbiter. Now looking back, some really different things happened when I met my wife. I was older (24 vs 19) and in a prestigious professional program. Even if she wasn't that impressed, I know it sounded hot to girls back at the dorm. We had an arranged meeting, and my first words in person to her were accidentally alpha (I think), "Are you looking for me?" And she didn't want a boyfriend. I told her something like OK, but I was looking for a girlfriend, so just play along and see what happens. So here I'm looking more powerful and interesting that I usually do. And it all went pretty well. We believed in waiting until marriage for sex, but there was plenty of interest up to that limit.
I think I later "nerfed" my personality and felt I had to cave to where she seemed to lead me, and fell in the beta trap. On top of that, I think my father was in the beta zone while I was growing up. I made a lot of classic mistakes, trying to talk out wanting more sex and coming off whiny. Covert contracts. Acting mad (on purpose!) after my suddenly more aggressive effort at initiations in 2013 were met with resistance and then avoidance. She doesn't usually say no as much as create scenarios where sex is unwelcome. Falling asleep quickly, being up late doing other stuff, making it crystal clear she's too tired or felt ill. In her defense, she really was exhausted at times (3 young kids) and she had pain from a car accident. She's no slack as a mom, and is sort of a perfectionist about a lot else. She does her share and then some, really. I just couldn't sell that sex and affection were a major big deal to me over all the other stuff. 
So when the MAP worked on me losing weight, getting a better job, and us moving 200+ miles and now near more family, I lost some momentum making all that happen. Since the move, we get more family support, a few more date nights with grandparents taking the kids, and sex is slightly more dependable (see intro) but still pretty thin. I re-read some of the books, and it brought me back to the "Initiate, Isolate, Escalate" as a weakness for me. Thinking it could pay off bigger to take advantage of working close to home, and pop home or meet her out for lunch. I've sprung that a couple times and while not much came of it yet, I think we both like it and it may mix things up for the better. I'm also aiming to direct a better bedtime for her. She needs to get more sleep for her own good, and it can only help improve our chances for sex. I've tried a little with the texting, mostly proposing sex for later, and it seems mostly useful. Just all feels real forced for me. Working on DHV in my social behavior. We have a huge Christmas party coming up for work, sort of a big socialite hot-ticket kind of event. Usually she looks at this stuff with disdain, but this one is a big darn deal that clearly impressed her that my job gets us invited. Planning to build on behaving cool and interactive there, yet not hovering on my wife to the point of being annoyingly needy (a red area before). 
Hoping for some feedback on what others see in all this. When it happens, sex is great, and still no indication of outside sources (seems real unlikely now). Oh, and doing way better at OI.

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