My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about one year ago. I spent 6 months getting my shit together and read the primer and the map. I started online dating end of June and in a period of 3.5 months dated 14 different women. Number 12 is now my girlfriend. We have been dating for about 2 months now and became exclusive one month ago. So far things are going well. We enjoy each other's company and make each other laugh. We have the same kid free weekends and spend that time together. We have great chemistry and the sex has been outstanding. The woman is a blowjob genius and swallows for good measure. Communication is good and we talk and text daily. The only issue that has come up was her talking about when we were going to meet each other's children. I don't know if this was a fitness test, but I told her that I thought we should wait until we have dated at least 6 months to make sure that this was going to be a lasting relationship. This would help protect the children. She talked to her counselor about it and read some articles on the subject and she has agreed to this.
My problem now is that I keep running into my ex-girlfriend. She has a son who is in kindergarten and I teach art to his class once a week. I see her coming in some mornings with her son as I have hall duty. There is this awkward tension between us and we never speak to each other. I saw her at the grocery store about a month ago and she was with some dude. I didn't say anything to her and I know I shouldn't care, but it was a jolt. I know some of you are going to say I have one-itis. I am not trying to dwell on her, but I have dreamed about her recently and I find this very unsettling. When we were together the relationship was on again, off again with horrible communication problems and she was totally unavailable emotionally, so it's not like I want to get back together with her. But she is very sexy and I can't help but be attracted to her. I have been thinking of reaching out to her in an effort to break the tension. I don't really want to be friends with her, but I would like it if our encounters could be less awkward. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Making things less awkward is hard. "Fake it till you make it" will usually do in quick interactions like that.
Go take a long walk in a park one day, just time to yourself. Figure out the answer to "what do I want to do with my ex?" and then stick with it; either go after her or don't but make a decision that you can deal with.
She's emotionally unavailable, runs hot and cold, is angry, argumentative, and she outright told you that love was out of the question. And at the time, she was still pining for some super-alpha dude that banged her then broke her heart. Not you, buddy.
She was with "some dude" who is currently dealing with all the shit you used to have to deal with. Let him have it. Jack off to her memory occasionally if it helps, but do not go back to this woman.
If you reconnect, you're asking for trouble and pain.
This is a situation that calls for you to stand up, be a man, have some fortitude, and conquer your primal instincts.
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
She just happens to be there in the school hallway when you're there.
She happens to be shopping at your corner store when you're there.
And, oh, look at that! She just happens to be right in front of you at lunch.
She is trying to seduce you. And once she's done that and hooked you in she'll be setting eyes on the next guy. Again.
She is bad news.
She is messed up and she will ruin your life. You are in a relationship with an emotionally healthy, normal woman. That's good. BSC women, like your ex, are alluring and exciting, but they ultimately bring nothing but pain.
Right now, you're leading her on, so she's keeping on.
Reject her unequivocally. It will feel good and it will free both of you.
She seems less fun because you have been enjoying the crack cocaine of sex: namely, a very hot, bat-shit-crazy woman. That's a big high that comes with a very big cost (and I know it). Your poor girlfriend can't match that. Go check out the discussions on this site about porn, and how it's so hard to go back to more standard porn once people start exploring the extreme stuff. same thing here, except you did it in real life.
Maybe she put on weight because she knows you're sleeping around. Or maybe doesn't know that, but she senses that you're not into her any more.
I don't think you should break up with her because she's less exciting than she used to be. That will pass as the adrenalin rush of the crazy relationship with your crazy ex subsides.