MAP Destination: Vibrant Purple

Purple

Unexpected period is the reason for the struggles with food these last several days. My cycle is about as irregular as usual and I'm not tracking BBT or anything anymore, so I never know when the ol' Aunt Flo is gonna arrive. PMS is also not generally as horrible as it used to be. Anyway. Sort of a relief to know that hormones were working with cravings here haha. Also why I feel so bloated!

The plan is still the same. Keep it simple, sweetie.

Purple

With the year winding down (and I will not be sad to see it go!)... I have been looking over my spreadsheets of what I've been doing to make a difference in our lives, financially. I started it sort of on a whim and so its not as detailed as I would like... but my conclusion is that, as of the middle of December and having only started in March, I've saved us nearly $200 on groceries using grocery rebate apps and have earned just over $300 in gift cards using reward sites.

That is going about 5 months without a computer, and only 9 months total, as I started all this when I learned of our massive debt load in the spring. I did not track the how much money I got from selling shit on Facebook, but I know that came in at about $2,500.

Its not much, especially when you think about how we have tens of thousands in credit card debt. It only comes out to like an extra $50/month if I average it out - I think the final numbers were $58/month on average.

BUT its encouraging to me and I feel like I can make a difference overall in our finances, even without earning an income. If I can ever figure out how to hook this new computer up to our printer, I can save us even more by using coupons, which stack with the rebate apps. Our overall grocery bill is down at least $75 a month, and I don't currently use coupons. Just shopping smarter. I've been doing more of the grocery shopping alone rather than waiting for H. He likes to come along, but I know its because he has a shopping problem and he simply enjoys spending money. He tends to toss extra junk into the cart and he lets the little monsters the kids pick out way too much shit. When I go, I choose to go while the boys are in school so I only have the baby. I still buy some shit that I know I shouldn't, but its getting better!

My goal for next year is to keep better track of what I'm saving, get smarter about spending, and probably expand how much I am cooking - right now its a 50/50 split for H and I. But I'm growing increasingly frustrated with his dinner choices, so I think I will step in and do most of the cooking. I think that will save us even more.

I also have officially decided to start a blog. I'm pretty excited about it now. I'm still deciding on a topic and blog name, but its a new direction and one I am looking forward to. Its awoken my muse, who has sat dormant in the back of my brain since I first found out I was pregnant that very first time, over 8 years ago now. 

I'm spinning my wheels in a lot of ways right now because I want to go somewhere different with my life, but I kept refusing to make a decision because I think I'm just as scared of success as I am of failure. You can't do either if you just sit there, so I kept choosing to stay comfortable even though it was not exactly satisfying either. I want to stop working hard to get nowhere and start working smart to at least move laterally and change the view!

Angeline

There are some stores and apps that load the coupons into your phone, maybe that would work?

Lenny

What computer, what operating system, what printer. With this I should be able to help get them talking.

Purple

Well, with the forum closing in a couple of days, I thought I'd do one last post on here.

I feel like the forum closing is almost symbolic to me, in that I am approaching a new phase of my life. I found MMSL 5.5 years ago when I was heavily pregnant with baby #2, in the midst of an emotional affair, desperately lonely in my marriage, and praying that he would just go fuck some other woman so I could file for divorce guilt-free. They were NOT good times. I was not in a good place. I stumbled onto MMSL purely on chance. I read Athol's blog from post 1 to current, for hours at a time and got caught up in 2 weeks. To say it changed my life is putting it lightly.

I ended the EA. I don't regret that for a minute, though I admit that I still miss him. We were too close emotionally, but he really was a good person. He wasn't trying to poach me. We were just two people who could never be just friends. I think we both knew it, and I think that's why he never contacted me again after I pulled away. I cried about him, in secret, for months after that ended. He had filled such a void that my marriage was leaving in me. Ugh.

My husband and I have gone from an FFFF-D marriage to more like a FBCB-B marriage. We aren't "there" yet. There's no bliss. When he's home from work for more than 2 days, I just want him to go away. The F in our marriage is still money. Its destroyed a lot of trust in our relationship and I struggle with that. A lot.

I am starting a blog, and I plan to monetize it. I've got my niche chosen, I'm outlining posts, I have a tentative launch date in my head for early February. It would be sooner than that, but Christmas vacation is here and I am simply not going to have much spare time for the next couple of weeks! 

Not having ANY idea for the future felt like a yellow/stagnant part of my MAP, but I think in reality it was a RED that was bright enough that it could have been Rudolph's nose. I've been so held back, and its because I didn't know what to do once the babies were no longer babies and my purpose at home had been fulfilled. I always just thought I'd go and get a part time job somewhere, so that I could continue to be 90% available for the kids while hubby is off working shitty hours that makes him more like 30% available for the kids. That is not at all inspiring and it was impossible to look forward to working part time at a department store for the rest of my life.

And this was a big goal for me, at the beginning of the year. DECIDE WHAT COMES NEXT. Well, decision made. I don't know exactly where this path will lead, but it gives me hope and purpose. It also gives me an excuse to pursue knowledge, and for a bookworm like me... that is gold. I'm not planning on a degree, but I do see some online courses and classes coming up in my future.

Athol's MMSL shone a light on my life and put things into focus and make them make sense. This forum bonked me on the head when I needed, supported me when I needed it, and has been possibly just as life-changing as the MMSL blog was five years ago. Athol's advice and the push from this forum saved my marriage, yes, but it did so much more than that.