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Comments
What are you currently doing about birth control? You're describing a pretty bad relationship- you've only been together a year, and she's been pregnant twice, and has now left.
You already have 5 kids between the two of you, can't (and shouldn't) commit to spending your lives together at the moment. No babies right now. Wear condoms if you have sex.
She doesn't have a lot of free time and I'm thinking canceling the wedding date is something that should be done in person. If I ask her to come over I will probably get some excuse why she can't. Should I tell her I'm going to stop by after she gets off work?
on the plus side while I was reading these messages I drove right past the exit and didn't realize where I was until after I was done reading. I was about 5 miles down the road. Thank you for the distraction and the support. After I noticed I was passed the exit I felt the sense of relief that there was no anxiety builds up as I approached.
based on the information you guys are giving me I feel like I'm giving her a lot of slack that I shouldn't be. I'm definitely going to use the information I'm getting and hopefully that can really in some of the slack if it doesn't you'll be the first to know.
if she doesn't start to come around after canceling the wedding day how long do I let these things ride before I break the engagement off altogether?
currently my only form of birth control is abstinence because we aren't having sex. Emotionally Our relationship is not in that sort of place right now. If we do however have sex I will certainly use birth control. And honestly at this point I would really do anything to just get some quality time with her. It seems like that part is up to her right now.
The third Tuesday after the Blue Moon. Wait, that's not right....The second Wednesday...wait...
Look, don't put a 'clock' on anything - none of us know 'how long', neither do you right now. You have to start proceeding on your path to Awesomeness. That's gonna take time. You will determine 'how long'.
I'm not kidding BTW - What are you going to do for YOU today? Something that advances the Path to Awesomeness. You too @Mailman ;
How will you live well today?
well today day I have plans with a friend I haven't seen in a while. He's coming over to go eat with me. I'm excited about that because I don't have a whole lot of people to just go hang out with.
i do like the idea of a gun range. I will stop by one this afternoon and get started. I'm sure there is some paperwork they have to file. Shooting has always been an interest for me but I didn't really have time. (I was gaming).
I'm still concerned with simply saying I'm canceling the wedding date. And trying to let it be that. I don't really let myself be emotionally vulnerable and I don't want her to think I don't care. Which based on our past is entirely possible. I've never gotten emotionally vulnerable. It is something I know needs fixed as well. And I still want her to know that I love her. I'm just not sure how to send that message without seeming like I don't care.
Don't come off Passive-Aggressive (P/A) with the wedding discussion. And yes - IN PERSON. It needs to be along the lines of 'We're not exactly on good ground these days, as is evidenced by your moving out and our current situation. I'm putting a hold on the wedding date. Things need to improve, and I am going to work very hard on improving me. '
How will you live well today?
While telling her in person is best, telling her soon is more important. First, stress to her you have information that is Very Important, that she needs to hear NOW!. Do everything short of whining/groveling to get even 5 minutes with her to tell her in person. But if you can't get to her, she still needs to know, sooner rather than later. Voice/Skype would be best, then email. Text is too informal (or is that my old age showing?)
Set a deadline ... if you can't be face to face by New Year's Day, do it then by any means at all.
Have you been doing any MMSL reading? Women don't want their men to be emotionally vulnerable.
Some women claim they do want that, but being too emotional is a DLV. Women want strong men — physically, intellectually, and emotionally. If you need to share your emotions, find a buddy and do it over a beer. For your girlfriend/wife, you need to Be The Rock.
As far as "I don't care", if you truly didn't care, you'd go along with her plans for the wedding, whatever they were. Calling it off Postponing the wedding indefinitely sends a clear message: There's something huge wrong here, and we're not getting married until it's fixed.
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
Work on yourself, make yourself a better man, one that any woman would love to be with. Take the first step.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Most things are closed right now- give it through the weekend. Get your head together. Sleep on it a while- come down from the video game dopamine. Obey traffic laws.
@dalef ;
@HildaCorners ;
@frillyfun ;
I knew i was going to get flack for reading and driving. I do at least use the talk to text function. That said, more to the point.
I messaged her earlier in the day and told her I would meet her after she got off work because i had something very important to discuss with her. So I headed up to her neck of the woods and sat at the post office and read while I waited for her to get off. I stopped by and asked her to give me a few minutes and she came out and got in the van. I expressed that i understood our relationship was in a somewhat precarious place and I was canceling the wedding date. She asked if i wanted the ring back and I replied that I wanted to keep the engagement, however I felt like we were in a place where time constraints weren't going to do either of us any good. She said she agreed and seemed to really appreciate that I came to do it in person. I did however note that she was slightly bothered by something.
After I left on the way home she sent me a message explaining that she was in the middle of a disagreement with her mother (frequently) when I arrived and she apologized for this. We continued to text the rest of the night as the friend that was supposed to call me never did and I could not reach him either. At one point she called me and we talked for almost 20 minutes. Then we talked again later after that when she tucked in for about 40 minutes. She said she was going to come over tomorrow.
We talked about a lot of things tonight and for the first time in about 2 weeks I finally felt like she wanted to start reconnecting. At one point she even mentioned that she had considered calling off the date herself but was concerned about hurting my confidence. I hope that is a good sign. For all I know she reads this forum, she was after all the one who suggested MMSL to me when I was with my children's mother. I did tell her I was on an online support forum and she told me she thought it was a good idea.
The gun range didn't pan out today because they were really busy and there was a wait on my break so I went back to work. Also as an FYI, I do have shooting experience, which is why this was an exciting option for me.
I am almost done with NMMNG and then back to MMSL to finish the second half.
Thank you again everyone. I know I am a first timer here and everyone has been very welcoming to me. I hope that once my own situation is on the right track I can return the favor and help some others. I think I have much to learn yet however.