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Nubby's 2016 map reboot

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  • nubbynubby Right HereSilver Member Posts: 1,964
    Last evening's sex was great but it really didn't do much for me. I couldn't figure it out until I had more time to think about it. I'm in no way complaining about it but something didn't sit right with me. 

    While sitting and having my coffee this morning I think I figured out what it is and I'm seeing a pattern.

    Like any guy, I want my wife to be hot for me. I want her to be excited to have sex with me I think it's awesome but herein lies the issue. As much as I "thought" I wanted my wife to initiate it was in reality, just wanting to know she's attracted to me. 

    When she inititiates I take her to pound town but it makes me feel like "she let me win," like I didn't have to work for it. I could see it being different if I were single and had 2 or 3 women vying for my attention how it might work, but being in a manogamous relationship, it's different. We were coming off a 2-3 week dry spell with SW and my sickness. 

    I guess it comes down to this. I like knowing I keep her interested. I like the fact I still make her horny as hell but if I don't close the deal, it doesn't seem to sit right with me. Does this make any sense??
    LennyAngelineHildaCornersHowlAtTheMoon
  • LordFlashheartLordFlashheart UKSilver Member Posts: 170
    Makes a bit of sense to me @nubby because in the past when W has been initiating a lot, there have been times when I've almost felt a bit "meh" about it, like it was becoming too easy and common place. Couldn't work it out myself either.

    But today, I'd just say enjoy it and don't expect it always to be fireworks and rock star sex. (Especially as I'm in a 6 week dry-spell and counting)

    Oh and also (smack on the head) THAT's for hiding the smoking habit damn it!

    You'll beat it though! I found (and still find) sex way more addictive than cigarettes.
    You want something?  You're the Captain?  You make it happen. Courtesy of @fredless
    AngelineTennee
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    edited December 21
    You could introduce some play wrestling or something like that ahead of time, or when she makes a really blatant verbal initiation you could up the ante by jumping towards her - when she jumps (and she very likely will do an instinctive startle) start shouting King of the Castle style - "Oooh when I catch you woman there might be an extra spanking / tickle torture (insert your favorite rambunctious thing here). When you do catch her, make sure you "reward" her with a sexy growl in her ear about how hot it was to have to chase her down. 

    Most people, men and women, don't really get (or believe) the Hunter thing @Serenity mentioned. People think the way to fix a long period in the marriage that has had some problems with frequency is sex on demand, and that it will be the Best Thing Evarrr!

    When actually, as you've discovered, it gets a little boring.

     But you need to introduce the chase thing really, really carefully, reward any move she makes towards playing with it with your enthusiastic approval, and never EVER let the concept "boring" be heard outside your brain. Don't you dare say to her that what she thinks is the very best thing she can give you needs to be spiced up.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    CartB4HorseamblrgirlPen_and_Sword
  • nubbynubby Right HereSilver Member Posts: 1,964
    @Angeline that's an awesome idea. I'll try it. I always seem to appreciate things I have to work hard to get. If things come too easily it's just not the same. 

    A nice slack day today. I'm just going over the snowblower in preparation for our Christmas/boxing day storm. I think I'll be the only one of the three of us in town to clean out about a dozen buildings. 
    AngelineTenneeHowlAtTheMoon
  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    edited December 22
    Angeline said:
    You aren't fucked up, you just didn't want to quit. That is the single biggest predictor of success, not what method and certainly not how many years. My mom smoked for over 60 years. Cdr. Awesome smoked for almost 40. They both just stopped, cold turkey. Don't let that number get in your head.
    This^^^^^^^

    You won't quit until you want to quit. Period. And you won't quit by staying on the nipple via patches, vapes, gum, etc. Wellbutrin and chantix can help, but you have to really, really be done with it to be successful. But once you decide to really do it, you will.

    Ask me how I know!
    AngelineTennee
  • CartB4HorseCartB4Horse Southwest USASilver Member Posts: 4,155
    My dad told me stories where he'd find packs of cigs everywhere, in his car, his golf bag, tucked away.  He'd find them and either give them to a smoker or just toss them.

    Thing is he made the choice to quit.  The rest is/was easy.

    Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol.  Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....

    “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl 

    Tennee
  • nubbynubby Right HereSilver Member Posts: 1,964
    @monkeydog using a vape, patch gum etc may be a crutch but it isn't permanent. I need to get past the habit of having something in my hand. If it works for me that's all that matters. 

    @CallmeCat, @CartB4Horse I will slay this dragon!! It may be the toughest thing I have ever tackled but I will beat it I have no doubts. I'm ready to quit. 
    CartB4HorseAngelineHildaCorners
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