Is there still hope once divorce has been filed?

sparkside1

My wife of 10 years has filed for divorce after discovering that I had a problem with internet porn. She felt that she could no longer trust me and that too much damage had been done. She has been very angry and desperate for me to leave. We have had problems for years but never dealt with any of them, prefering to patch things up under the guise of a second chance. Well she says I have had all my second chances. I have tried to talk to her, I now attend therapy for the porn, my relationship with the kids has improved and my wife has noticed my changes and remorse for my mistakes but she is no longer on the same page as the marriage. We both have a joint mortgage and I will continue to pay my half to keep my family at home. Since I accepted that the marriage had ended, she perked up and has become friendly to some extent which is strange. I just want to know what I could do in this situation where it all seems hopless.

DaddyOh

First, health is your biggest wealth. Your kids are your prize possessions, focus on them as well.

You will receive great feedback here. I'll leave you with a quote from my favorite movie; Up in the air.

"Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it's *because* they sat there that they were able to do it."

stillasamountain

This sounds more like (yet another) convenient excuse for her exit strategy. I thought the last time she was calling you a child abuser?

Did you ever do a full triage? Or anything that addressed any of the questions from previous threads? As I recall, the most vital was to get legal counsel...  Followed by determining if there was any validity to her complaints, MAP hard, talk to Athol, determine if there was another man, etc.

sparkside1

I have seen a lawyer and she can't kick me out of our home or try any tricks. I am starting a new job as a contractor soon but will not have any cash flow for two months so I will be living at home period.
She has seen a new age therapist today whi told her that my w is not happy in herself and is carrying all my pain and her fathers pain from when her mother left him. I  agreed with her and that I want her to be happy. Her reply was...even if I'm not with you?...
We have always just patched up previous conflicts and carried on. Here we are now with a divorce and her needing to discover herself.
I did do a triage and she was way higher scorer than me.

Angeline

Triage:
http://marriedmansexlife.vanillacommunities.com/discussion/12815/is-she-cheating-or-am-i-going-insane

Any time you want to get serious about this, get the books, write up a MAP, and just begin. It sounds like you've removed a negative (porn), but what have you done that's positive to become a better man?

We don't have a magic 2 sentence canned speech quick fix for you, and the sooner you realize that, the better your chances of saving your marriage.

dalef

I know a couple who came back from divorce and remarriage to get together again; but you need to root out your weaknesses to get anywhere.

sparkside1

Things have now turned ugly with a so called family friend now trying to stir things up between me and my w. She has now told me that she is using my porn addiction as the reason for the divorce. She has told me to leave our house we both own which I refused as I don't have the cash flow right now and she is using emotional blackmail to suggest that the kids will suffer if she has to go to her mothers house to live. I told her there is no need for her to go anywhere. We were civil to each other and I really hoped I could save our marriage but not like this. She has started saying she will have an injunction against me and try and force a sale of the house. My lawyer told me she can't intimidate me or kick me out and I need to remain calm but stand my ground. This divorce has made her turn nasty like I've never known her. I think it's because she can't automatically get her own way as usual. I know she's pissed about the porn and I am getting help now but she is dismissive that I will ever change and is now trying to rally her friends around her and I 'm worried that she may turn the kids against me too. I really cannot move out and don't think I should. Anybidy got experienc e if what to do? No MAP needed here just survival advice. I am going to be away from tomorrow night for a week for work so that will give some peace but when I return? 

Angeline

Do what your lawyer says. 

HildaCorners

Do exactly what your lawyer says. If you picked a skilled lawyer, they will have experience and know how to protect you.

While away, read the MAP book and/or watch Athol's videos. You may not be able to save your marriage, but you should be able to improve yourself to the point where this will never happen again.

fordsvt

If you never read the books, or did a triage....how do you expect to get help here??

If you're not putting in any effort here then I suspect you're lacking effort at home with your wife too. There is no quick fix or simple answer. Stop trying to use short cuts and conjure up a quick fix-It doesn't work