IrishGypsy's MAP - "Ah Go On!"

IrishGypsy

My triage and intro here: http://marriedmansexlife.vanillacommunities.com/discussion/14263/irishgypsys-newfound-but-bumpy-road-to-awesomeness

So I've been MAP'ing for about 3-4 months now, but it's time to take it up a notch and hold myself accountable, learn to become the best man, and captain, I can be for me, our family and my wife.

I don't get much PC access outside of work (too busy doing things with kids and my wife), so most updates will come from my phone.

Things I've improved Since I've Started

* Accepted my role in enabling my wife's EA.
* Learning how to hold my Frame (without being a dick) - still a WiP.
* Working on clearing my debts (BIG Red and a huge DLV).
* Learning to inject positive energy and trying not to lose my temper so easily (see Frame).
* Trying to develop true OI, but I still seem to seek my validation from Sex. Curse you high sex drive! *shakes fist*
* My workouts have increased ten-fold with the gym 3x a week for weights, PT at work once a week, DVD workout at work 2x a week (that I 'run') - big chance to practice captaining, DHV, and leading a group of others (constantly recruiting new people to join in).
* Lead my wife to join me at the gym, I make us both fruit salads for work everyday and make most of the meal decisions (with some input from my wife).
* Spending more QT with wife and kids whilst we're staying in my MIL's house. Getting my wife and I out most evenings as that'll drop down once our house is built and we move in.

Things I Still Need to Work On

* True OI - Like @CartB4Horse did, I still seek validation from sex. And whilst my wife goggles have been well and truly smashed, sex frequency is still a big thing.
* Passing shit tests - Wife likes to throw them around like confetti. Need to learn not to be sucked into her Frame and try and not engage her heavyweight hamster with logic.
* Get through my to-do list (aka my monkeys). I'll post them in here a bit later so I can hold myself accountable to getting my ship in order like a functional adult should.
* Become more sociable - I'm a very outgoing person, but having moved so often I've been hesitant until we move into our new, final, home before making new friends.
* The above includes attending my kid's school functions and events more as my DD hasn't had any party invites yet. Not good.

LordFlashheart

Love the Mrs Doyle picture 

Makes me think of this "Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box" 

Good MAP start!

IrishGypsy

Wife threw a massive shit test at me on Saturday morning. Threw a tantrum over my choice of shoes (I bought them and like them, she doesn't). She said she wouldn't go out in public with me if I wear them.

I stayed calm, told her she was entitled to her opinion and that I was taking the kids to the shops myself, wearing those shoes, and then I'll take them to the park.

She tried to rattle my cage again (by saying o was acting like a dickhead in front of the kids), I told her that, that language was not appropriate in front of our kids and she was more than welcome to stay in on her own.

Needless to say, we all went out, had a fun time and my wife was taken to poundtown that very night.

God bless MMSL and learning about keeping Frame!!!

As I've learned from here. It's not what they say, but what they do that matters.

IrishGypsy

Seeing as I can't edit the original post now, I'll add this here.

I've also started injecting positive energy into our family by streaming the Madagascar 'I like to move it, move it' and the pharell/minions 'Happy' music videos to our TV every evening and we all get up and dance to it like a bunch of loons. Both kids love it and it seems to put a smile on my wife's face too.

Still SOOOO much to do (MAP wise), but it's great not being a miserable knob anymore.

Tennee

^^^   Cheers to that my man.  Its infectious - get 'em laughing.   I'll get Kiddo going so hard she'll fall over.   Keep building that positive momentum - and this is such an easy way to do it.  

Well done.

Scarlet

What kind of shoes? 

CartB4Horse

Very nice start to your MAP!!

IrishGypsy

Scarlet said:

What kind of shoes? 

Brown, slip ons. Tonight she called them 'porn star shoes'. I replied with a shit-eating grin 'goes with the porn star cock love'.

IrishGypsy

CartB4Horse said:

Very nice start to your MAP!!

It's taken a few months of MAP'ing already to just get here. I've endured countless shit tests as my wife is, understandably, hesitant to relieve herself of certain responsibilities when she's been the one that got a lot of shit done for years.

So I do what I can to pass them. My serious workouts have even caused loyalty tests as she thought I was looking elsewhere after everything that happened.

Zero doubts there's plenty more shit tests left to come...

Lioness

I bet she is really noticing your changes, thus the loyalty tests. Nice use of humor about the shoes too

CartB4Horse

@IrishGypsy - You're right, the shit tests will continue.  They may come and go as you progress but understand, SHE'S GOT TO TEST you.

IrishGypsy

Turns out I've put on a 6kg of muscle since I started lifting from last august. In a couple of weeks or so I'll be benching more than I weigh. Had to order larger t-shirts too as my biceps are starting to get stuck when putting them on. I like these kinds of problems

We've got a foreign family holiday booked for April, so that's my target to get as ripped as possible. Hopefully pre-selection will be evident if the public IOI's are being noticed by her. But we'll see.

Need to wean myself off of the red bulls but i need to stay awake at work (which isn't easy being a desk-based job). Despise coffee (both taste and smell), so thinking dropping to one 20mg caffeine tablet a day and hit the water hard.

However, my boss thinks my current work project is "phenomenonal" and much higher quality than he thought it would be. So I'll keep that in the bank for when my annual review comes around.

We're off ovulation time now, so need to work on better initiations. Wife's tired looking after our DS this week, so that won't help my cause.

IrishGypsy

In a great DHV, the birthday card my wife and I worked on for our DD's birthday today was shown this morning on her favourite TV channel! (They randomly show sent in birthday cards on the kid's birthday). We couldn't guarantee they would show it, but I remembered to check this morning in the nick of time. Got it recorded too. 

Although I think we were more excited at her being on TV than she was!!!

IrishGypsy

MAP update:

Good

* DD's b'day party went well and managed to save 20% off a rather large bill for 13 people.
* Plenty of IOI's from attractive women during said party, so I'll take that.
* No sex (and it's now officially SW), but solid OI.
* Spotted some blalant mate-guarding by my W when her cousin's wife asked if she could swap her lazy bear husband with me for a week. My W laughed it off, but immediately put her arm around me whilst her cousin's wife was looking 

Bad

* Losing frame with my daugther a bit too easily. Seems my patience levels are a bit low and I'm snapping too quickly at her. Need to slow down and keep my cool with her more.
* I'm now riiiiight back into active trust mode after spotting my wife texting an International number from her phone. Which was for Canada (where the EA OM lives). Thankfully, the mobile/cell contract is in my name, so I added the number from the online phone records to WhatsApp and it popped up with her cousin's baby pic (and they also live in Canada). My hamster was working overtime, but thankfully I caged it up and verified the number before saying anything stupid. 

CartB4Horse

Very good "Goods" and workable "Bads".  You already are adjusting, working on improvements.  That ^^^^ is exactly how we should work a MAP!

IrishGypsy

CartB4Horse said:

Very good "Goods" and workable "Bads".  You already are adjusting, working on improvements.  That ^^^^ is exactly how we should work a MAP!

Thanks Cart.

Also knocked out 20 non-stop clapping push ups in the gym tonight and my wife told me she was *very* impressed with them. Then told her I was proud of her for joining me and giving it 100% (which she seemed to appreciate).

IrishGypsy

Time for another update:

Me:
* Exercising like my bum is on fire in preparation for our family holiday abroad in a few weeks. Will implement a 'cutting plan' two weeks prior to maximise my gains for the beach. IOI's here we come!
* Need to start using my massage roller and ball more though post-workout as my ITB, calves etc are 'toight loike a toiger'. 
* Finally finished my major project at work. Very proud of what I achieved (as it's, IMHO, better than out number 1 competitor has done in this area - and they have a team of me's doing the same job).
* My DS's nursery workers asked me how I could be so upbeat every morning. I just smiled and told them there's no reason for me not to be.
* Need to practice my frame on my DD more. This ensures when I repeat same frame to my wife, she expects it (and knows it's real).
* Speaking of which, I've noticed that my wife is trying to emulate my frame (when I do nail it), wasn't expecting it to rub off on her.

Sex

* Pre- MMSL I could go on FAP binges and combine that with my desire to 'last as long as possible before cumming', would mean I often didn't cum inside my wife during sex and she'd often get sore and I'd have to MB to finish. Ultimately making her feel very unattractive to me (probably fuelling that EA fire).

This was never intentional of course. I'd self-taught myself, since i was 18, that lasting for 20+mins was awesome for a woman.

So now, with 99% of my fapping gone (and zero porn), combined with some slow, deep fucking, I've gone from needing to MB to cum, to having the most intense orgasms inside my wife in a shorter period of time.

And my wife LOVES it. She feels like she's turning me on enough to "lose control inside her" as she says.

She also threw a mid-sex shit test at me and asked me if I wanted to stream some porn to the bedroom TV as we fucked. I did pause for a second, but clocked the chance to pass it and slid on top of her, held her arms firmly down by her head, looked straight at her, and told her "why would I want to watch porn with a wife as hot and fuckable as you!?"

KERCHING! Test passed with flying colours and she put on a proper porn-style performance of her on right after. 

In a side-note, her best friend has moved back to the UK, heavily pregnant by a loser lazy-bear who's stayed in his home country, and my wife has suggested that she could stay with us in the spare bedroom of our new house (as her current location is a tiny boxroom in her brother's house).

I asked her timescales, and she promised it wouldn't be more than a couple of months as "you and I have had a rough time [her EA], and we're just getting back on track, and I don't want to ruin that."

It transpires that her friend is a bit of a 'man eater' who hooks up with almost any man for validation. Another case of open mate-guarding it seems.

I've also followed through on @shibari 's advice for my wife's eczema and bought her 300 2500 micro gram vitiman D3 capsules. My wife is now taking them everyday. Really hope they help.

My Monkeys

* Get my old gear up on eBay this weekend. Got a special sellers promo offer, so might as well use it to clear out what I planned to sell anyways.

* Captain the purchases for our new house. My wife wanted to buy the carpets without my final decision "because I decided on the last two myself". I told her that was then, and this is now. This time, I want a say in how we spend our money and that we'll stick with our agreed plan of her picking her fave 3 and I'll decide on which of those 3 to get. "OK". 

* Try and plan a fun, active, weekend for my family. 

Also need some advice: our DS, who's 1, hardly ever says " ma ma". ALWAYS "da da". He'll also outstretch his arms if he needs comforting if he sees me. Even if my wife is holding him.

I have been the first face he sees everyday when he wakes up at 5am for the last 8 months, but it's now REALLY starting to upset my wife.

Anyone got any ideas as how to captain this so my DS looks for my wife more and says her name more often?

amblrgirl

I can't find it now, but I believe Athol had a blog post about not allowing roommates or long-term guests. Does anyone have a link to that?

telyni

@amblrgirl: I was thinking that too. Found it: http://marriedmansexlife.com/2011/10/the-three-day-rule-for-guests/

Aside from that, it's a great update.

ETA: my son (2 now) did similar things for awhile, except he said deedah instead of daddy for a couple months. My husband also is the one to get him up in the morning. But I'm with him all day, so the effect was mild. I'm happy he loves his daddy so much. In your case, does she breastfeed? He'll probably balance his affections more over time.

Lioness

Great update @IrishGypsy you handled the shit test very well!  And good on you for gaining such insight into how to improve the sex life for both you and Mrs Irishgypsy

I would second the motion of NOT having an extended house guest (especially a pregnant man eater). Probably much easier to just say no than to extract her once she's in. So what if wife pouts, you're the Capn and it's your home you are protecting

IrishGypsy

telyni said:

@amblrgirl: I was thinking that too. Found it: http://marriedmansexlife.com/2011/10/the-three-day-rule-for-guests/

Aside from that, it's a great update.

ETA: my son (2 now) did similar things for awhile, except he said deedah instead of daddy for a couple months. My husband also is the one to get him up in the morning. But I'm with him all day, so the effect was mild. I'm happy he loves his daddy so much. In your case, does she breastfeed? He'll probably balance his affections more over time.

Thanks for the link. It's something the Red Pill side of me saw and I wasn't sure how to say no without sounding like a complete shithole (woman on her own - fuck no. With a baby, though? It does seem harsh to leave them homeless, or in a room barely big enough for a single bed).

However, I've started pushing that she lies to the council (state she's being kicked out by her brother) to get put onto the emergency housing list sooner (so she gets a place of her own). I also said to my wife that she may become unintentionally difficult to move out when the kid arrives if she stayed at ours (as well as the fact that the crying baby might really screw up our kids sleeping patterns).

Breastfeeding stopped 8 months ago for our DS, so can't do much there sadly.