Pendulum Swing - now I want to turn down sex

Mongrel

Angeline said:

How much do you think not assertively going for what you really want out of life in multiple areas affects this? If you went for the job you really wanted, and lived in the place you really wanted, maybe you'd have the passion and piss and vinegar to confront your wife about her physical appearance, and have the marriage you really want.

I don't doubt that you are right on with this.

I'm sure I do still resent her not wanting to move (and hence easily upgrade my job) and this subconsciously adds to the attraction issue. She 'prevents' me from doing these things and thus still controls my life. Her needs trump those of her Captain. Unfortunately this issue is non-negotiable for her. I'm left with choosing her or a possibly better life but without her. I love her so would rather stick with the known 'evil' so to speak.

Psychologically, the whole job thing has really taken the wind out of my sails and knocked me back a few steps.

Shibari, as usual you've given me a lot to think about.

fordsvt

@Mongrel you just may be in a slump buddy. It happens to the best of us. However I'd push for the sex you want. Now may be  perfect time as she's more willing to ramp it up. But only accept your wants and needs and not hers. Her O is her responsibility so just go with it. Buy some sex toys, heels tec... and see what she's up for. 
I'm seeing what you are too. Non-codependent, confident, no wife goggles etc... perhaps she's a little worried?

Mongrel

Its interesting...had sex last night. She was nicely buzzed on a bottle of wine. This typically makes her horny. I told her to wear boots and a leather collar she hasn't used for ages (just for visual fun; it serves no BDSM purpose). Had my way with her. She was very enthusiastic from the get-go all the way through. Didn't feel like 'work'.

I'm much more interested when it doesn't feel like a 'task'. Its also helpful to know going in that the Bad Girl side of her is much more accessible.

I'm actually eager to try again this week coming off this above-average session. Better-than-vanilla has recharged my interest.