What is the hang-up some women have about BJTC?

42andatowel

I love a good BJTC, my wife would love to never give me one again for the rest of our lives.  The compromise that I'm left with is I get one once a year (twice if I'm lucky).  Never on my birthday either, despite her knowing it's hte best present she could give me, ever.

She can't really explain why she doesn't wnat to, or what the hang-up is.  There are plenty of non-sexual things she actively dislikes more than a BJTC, yet she will still do those when asked or if they are needed.  

So, this is more for to FO's out there that don't give BJTCs, or don't like giving them, can you explain the why?  Especially as it relates to compromises, and why that specific act is so hard to do, but you'll do other (usually non-sexual) things you don't like?

Does my rambling even make sense?

LadyOrTheTyger

When's the last time you went down on her until she orgasmed and then walked away?

r9stone

Just read through your intro thread, how's the weight loss coming along?

I ask because if your wife isnt attracted to you physically there's a 100% chance you aren't going to get her to blow you on a regular. Keep working hard at becoming the best version of yourself, this is priority numero uno right now, bedroom worries come last, pun intended.

And dont make regular BJ'sTC the sole focus of your sex life. Lots of women who are extremely attracted to their man simply just dont like giving oral, and if she can tell you're at all pissy about not getting one it will kill her attraction immediately.

frillyfun

I checked the beginning of your MAP thread- shaving, showering, and cologne were on the list in October.  

Give it time.  Keep MAPping.

amblrgirl

There are so many possibilities:

1. Echoing LOTT, she thinks the guy will lose all sexual energy post-BJTC and not give her an O (or maybe he'll try but be kinda lame since he already had his O).
2. She gags easily.
3. He smells.
4. He hasn't trimmed the hedges.
5. She doesn't like the taste of his semen.
6. She doesn't like the texture of semen.
7. There's more semen than she feels like she can handle.
8. He has a powerful ejaculation that shoots a little too hard/fast for her.
9. It usually takes him awhile to O and she gets tired.
10. She doesn't feel confident in her BJ skills.
11. She believes it is degrading to women.
12. She's had a previous bad experience with BJTC.
13. She dislikes feeling on display or feeling like she has to put on a show.

I have had all of these thoughts (except #11) at one time or another.

I LOVE to give oral. BJs are almost always a part of our foreplay. But I still have a hard time with swallowing, so that part doesn't happen as often. And it's only been on the menu with H in the last year. For me, it's now mostly a taste/texture issue and me learning to control my gag reflex. When I do get it down, I feel really proud (once, I actually raised my fist in the air like a champion after I swallowed, lol).

Here's how it evolved for me.

- Bad early experience with BJTC with a boyfriend.
- No more BJTC (and very little oral because I feared the TC part) for most of my adulthood.
- When my sex drive returned, I wanted to give H a foreplay BJ. Near the end, he stated that he wanted to cum in my mouth. I was surprised in the moment and not ready to comply with that request. H was completely unphased by my denial and still thoroughly enjoyed the encounter.
- H's request got my wheels turning and I began to adjust to the idea. I even looked up tips online.
- I began trying out some of the tips for BJs in general and swallowing in particular. It's still challenging in some positions, but there is one that makes things go down pretty easily:

I'm on my back and H is on top of me in 69 or my head is hanging off the bed and H is standing reaching over me in 69. Sometimes he adds a vibe for me. I prefer that he cums first (after I'm pretty amped up, but before I have my O). That's the only way I don't feel a little worry/fear anticipating his cum. I'm so into it that I want whatever he has. And then once he O's, he lets me continue to give him oral while I slowly work on swallowing. During that time, he stimulates me to O.

I think this may be an uncommon strategy as I read a lot of suggestions to swallow it in one gulp for easiest consumption, but I usually choke a little when I do that (what is it about that texture?) and that embarasses me. I do still try doing that and doing BJTC in other positions, so I'm hoping I'll improve my swallowing skills as I practice more.

H is always positive and supportive of any BJs and BJTCs I give. I feel comfortable enough that I'm no longer embarrassed if I choke. I just laugh it off and maybe joke about him being too much for me. And when I'm successful, I feel like a champ. 

If I'm not up for the challenge on a given night, H pretends he's just as delighted to grant my requests that he cum on my breasts or face at the end of the BJ. And I will sometimes clean him up with my mouth. It's kinda hot and helps me continue acclimating to the texture/taste.

Also, I'm way less interested in trying BJTC if attraction or RC is not on target.

So... BJTC requires a combination of attraction, relationship comfort, skills, and personal willingness/liking of the act itself. If any of those is lacking, it's going to be a hard sell. Some of those things are within your control (i.e. attraction and RC), some are not (she may just hate the act because that's her wiring).

Lioness

@amblrgirl said:
So... BJTC requires a combination of attraction, relationship comfort, skills, and personal willingness/liking of the act itself. If any of those is lacking, it's going to be a hard sell. Some of those things are within your control (i.e. attraction and RC), some are not (she may just hate the act because that's her wiring).

^^^ that sums it up perfectly 

r9stone

Jeebus @amblrgirl, I needed a cigarette and a shower after reading that...........

fredless

It used to be very rare in my household.  Very rare.  Over the last couple of years, they happen on a weekly basis.  I'm much higher drive than my wife and when she wants a night off from sex, as it were, it's BJTC.

I would recommend you keep mapping.  This does not guarantee a BJTC.  However, when a woman is attracted to you and wants to please you, I believe she is more willing to engage in a variety of acts.  NOTE--I'm not saying all acts or that attraction=automatic anal/bjtc parties.  I'm just saying that the husband's chances significantly increase for acts once unattainable as his wife's attraction grows. 

I guess a question for 42andatowel is, did your wife provide you with BJTC early on in your relationship and stop or has this really never been on the table?

amblrgirl

@r9stone - Oops, lol. I get a little carried away when I start thinking about what H and I do. H may need a cigarette and a shower tonight, too!

What I meant to say was if all the other stuff is on target, I think 69 creates the best situation for a BJTC (and things slide down easier with a position that opens the throat and works with gravity). And in the meantime, he should praise every oral effort she gives and not focus too much on what he's not getting yet. I assume TC means swallowing (or at least taking the semen into her mouth), and that's not as easy as he might think. If I felt pressure to take every BJ all the way to completion or risk it being a disappointment to my husband, I'd be giving a lot fewer BJs.

But any position/situational advice comes with the requirement that attraction, relationship comfort, and personal willingness are already there.

HildaCorners

I've never minded giving a BJTC, but one of my 127 former husbands put me off them.

One of his most common swears was "You cocksucker!" He wouldn't say this in the hearing of "You", but I would hear my then husband say it frequently and picked up that he thought sucking cock was an awful thing for someone to do.

I did confront him on this, and he stopped using that swear ... but by then the damage was done.

Size and taste are big deterrents to many women. Wash a cucumber and try deep throating it; you'll understand the size issue. And if you masturbate, taste your own semen. As they say "it's an acquired taste."

42andatowel

LadyOrTheTyger said:

When's the last time you went down on her until she orgasmed and then walked away?

She's only successfully orgasmed from oral sex twice with me in 20 years.  Not for lack of trying.  However, I frequently give her hour long oral sex sessions (finished with her vibrator) whenever she wants, and then let her bask in the afterglow/drift off to sleep.  I thoroughly enjoy giving her pleasure, regardless of if I get reciprocation or not. She definitely gets significantly more sessions where I "walk away" than the other way around.

42andatowel

r9stone said:

Just read through your intro thread, how's the weight loss coming along?

I ask because if your wife isnt attracted to you physically there's a 100% chance you aren't going to get her to blow you on a regular. Keep working hard at becoming the best version of yourself, this is priority numero uno right now, bedroom worries come last, pun intended.

And dont make regular BJ'sTC the sole focus of your sex life. Lots of women who are extremely attracted to their man simply just dont like giving oral, and if she can tell you're at all pissy about not getting one it will kill her attraction immediately.

All good points.  I elaborated a little more in the other thread about my desire for BJTC's, I'm not saying it's fair, it may not ever be something she's that into, but as someone who sees it as the best sexual experience period, it's a difficult thing for me to give up.  I'm more looking for insight from the women who don't like it into why they don't.

I'm down about 15 lbs from my peak, I'm still eating better, I need to get back on a good workout routine.  I haven't plateaued yet, but I'm definitely not losing weight as fast as I was.

I realize it could be an attraction thing, but even when I dropped to 200 lbs about 6 years ago and was in the best shape of our married life together it didn't seem to change much.  

42andatowel

frillyfun said:

I checked the beginning of your MAP thread- shaving, showering, and cologne were on the list in October.  

Give it time.  Keep MAPping.

Yes, I realize it could all be an attraction issue and I need to keep mapping on.  I just wanted to open the discussion, hopefully hear from some women who don't like to do it, and/or don't do it and understand what it is about that specific act that seems to be an issue.

LadyOrTheTyger

I don't think you're going to find many women here who don't like it. I do it pretty often but usually when I'm on my period or he's worn out my vagina. Otherwise I'd rather have sex.  

frillyfun

What's her sexual flavor?  In times where I was hesitant it was because it was just not that fun for me...he was really passive about receiving them, and it didn't float my boat.  

Also, there were hygiene issues, and I still don't trust that he'll be as clean as I want him to be if I'm doing that.  

How's your wardrobe?  Dropping weight, and getting buff is great, but how often does she really see you naked?  You have to look so good in clothes that she wants to see you out of them.

42andatowel

amblrgirl said:

1. Echoing LOTT, she thinks the guy will lose all sexual energy post-BJTC and not give her an O (or maybe he'll try but be kinda lame since he already had his O).
2. She gags easily.
3. He smells.
4. He hasn't trimmed the hedges.
5. She doesn't like the taste of his semen.
6. She doesn't like the texture of semen.
7. There's more semen than she feels like she can handle.
8. He has a powerful ejaculation that shoots a little too hard/fast for her.
9. It usually takes him awhile to O and she gets tired.
10. She doesn't feel confident in her BJ skills.
11. She believes it is degrading to women.
12. She's had a previous bad experience with BJTC.
13. She dislikes feeling on display or feeling like she has to put on a show.

Also, I'm way less interested in trying BJTC if attraction or RC is not on target.

So... BJTC requires a combination of attraction, relationship comfort, skills, and personal willingness/liking of the act itself. If any of those is lacking, it's going to be a hard sell. Some of those things are within your control (i.e. attraction and RC), some are not (she may just hate the act because that's her wiring).

All good points.  I won't get into a point counterpoint, but 1 should be a non issue.  I've never been less than enthusiastic helping her to the finish line after my O, and she prefers I go first, because she likes to drift off to sleep post orgasm most of the time, especially after the really good ones.

I'm sure 3,4,5,6,7,9 and 10 are all valid concerns I should explore.  I'm guess I'm just trying to understand why all of those become big deals with BJTC, but not with other things in life, especially non-sexual things.  Just because it's sex related seems to make it a bigger deal.

ETA: I'm sure I need to work on RC a lot.  I seem to think I provide lots of RC and then get blindsided by complaints that indicate the opposite.  So I need to find a way to incorporate this into my MAP.

42andatowel

fredless said:

It used to be very rare in my household.  Very rare.  Over the last couple of years, they happen on a weekly basis.  I'm much higher drive than my wife and when she wants a night off from sex, as it were, it's BJTC.

I would recommend you keep mapping.  This does not guarantee a BJTC.  However, when a woman is attracted to you and wants to please you, I believe she is more willing to engage in a variety of acts.  NOTE--I'm not saying all acts or that attraction=automatic anal/bjtc parties.  I'm just saying that the husband's chances significantly increase for acts once unattainable as his wife's attraction grows. 

I guess a question for 42andatowel is, did your wife provide you with BJTC early on in your relationship and stop or has this really never been on the table?

The message I'm getting loud and clear here, is quit worrying about any of this until I'm significantly further along in my MAP and the attraction is definitely in place.  I agree.

And to answer your question.  They were never really on the table in the beginning, for a variety of reasons I can't really go into without revealing too much, but suffice to say that by the time they were on the table, attraction had probably already slipped.

42andatowel

amblrgirl said:

@r9stone - Oops, lol. I get a little carried away when I start thinking about what H and I do. H may need a cigarette and a shower tonight, too!

What I meant to say was if all the other stuff is on target, I think 69 creates the best situation for a BJTC (and things slide down easier with a position that opens the throat and works with gravity). And in the meantime, he should praise every oral effort she gives and not focus too much on what he's not getting yet. I assume TC means swallowing (or at least taking the semen into her mouth), and that's not as easy as he might think. If I felt pressure to take every BJ all the way to completion or risk it being a disappointment to my husband, I'd be giving a lot fewer BJs.

But any position/situational advice comes with the requirement that attraction, relationship comfort, and personal willingness are already there.

I hear you, I think attraction definitely isn't there.  I think I need to work on RC, but I also need to figure out what I'm missing in RC.....as I said up the thread, I usually think I'm providing great RC, and then I get blindsided by a complaint that makes me realize I'm not.

42andatowel

HildaCorners said:

I've never minded giving a BJTC, but one of my 127 former husbands put me off them.

One of his most common swears was "You cocksucker!" He wouldn't say this in the hearing of "You", but I would hear my then husband say it frequently and picked up that he thought sucking cock was an awful thing for someone to do.

I did confront him on this, and he stopped using that swear ... but by then the damage was done.

Size and taste are big deterrents to many women. Wash a cucumber and try deep throating it; you'll understand the size issue. And if you masturbate, taste your own semen. As they say "it's an acquired taste."

While it's not my favorite thing to do, I've never had a problem going down on my wife after sex, and tasting our combined juices has never bothered me.  Her on the other hand, she doesn't like her own smell or taste, and that can cause issues for sex post cunnilingus some times.  Maybe something in that is a tell on the BJTC too....

frillyfun

Because BJTC is (somewhat) optional. If I'm doing something unpleasant it's because not doing it isn't an option.  

Do you really want to make the association that BJTC, or anything sex related is an unpleasant task?  

Manscape, drink some pineapple juice, shower before bed, build RC....see what happens.

Angeline

"I'm sure 3,4,5,6,7,9 and 10 are all valid concerns I should explore.  I'm guess I'm just trying to understand why all of those become big deals with BJTC, but not with other things in life, especially non-sexual things. Just because it's sex related seems to make it a bigger deal."

Umm no, its a bigger deal because it's in your mouth. Poor hygiene is bad enough, but in your face and nose and down your throat is just disgusting.

Are you really arguing the validity of being repelled by poor hygiene?