Sex Frequency?: Average vs. Desired State vs. Minimum Willing to Accept

Beans

Just curious, I see frequency discussed often and wanted to get a sense where folks are and where they want to be?

1) Current average per week
2) Desired average per week
3) The least minimum average you'd accept

*Mods: If this subject has already been posted, please close and point me to the thread...I can't seem to search by subject, so I didn't find anything

Beans

For me:

1) 1-2 times a week
2) 3 times a week
3) Once a month would probably be the minimum I could deal with, so far we haven't reached that point (except for a few non-sex months after childbirth)

42andatowel

1) 1-3 times per week.
2) 3 -4 times a week
3) 2-3 times a month

wishful_thinking

1) 3 - 4 times a month (closer to 3 than 4). 
2) 2 - 3 times a week. 
3) 2 times a month. 

Reborn

1 Current: not in a relationship, so zero
2 Desired: 2 per week
4 Minimum: well, in the last year of my marriage, I tolerated zero, so technically it has been proved that I will accept zero...
Also I have some more horny weeks and some less horny. Fluctuations! 
But I would say 1 per week on average average.  

Mongrel

I wonder if you should have asked for ages? I don't want it as much as I used to when I was 20. My responses would have been much different then.

1) Once per week
2) Twice per week
3) 2 times per month (which frequently happens)

fredless

1) Current average per week - 4-5 times per week
2) Desired average per week - 4-5 times per week
3) The least minimum average you'd accept  - Probably 2-3 times per week

I could have sex more than 4-5 times per week but honestly, I am quite content/pleased with our frequency.

Prior to finding MMSL, I averaged about 3-4 times per month.  At that time, I was obviously willing to accept that as that was the norm for years.  At this point in my life, I would end my marriage if that was the frequency.  But I'm not who I was four years ago.

AdamBecker

I'm 60; she is 53.
1. Once a week for PIV + occasional HJ. I'm satisfied with this.
2. Once or twice a week
 3. Though I have "accepted" less than once a month, I become dissatisfied if PIV Falls much below once per week. 

 We had a long stretch – years – when frequency was about 1 or 2/ month for PIV, plus a couple of HJ. This was accompanied by much conflict and her rejecting me. 
  I Credit to change to:
1. Me feeling so hurt and scared that I insisted on a series of heart-to-heart talks with her about sex, where, amazingly, she actually seem to hear me
2. Getting her to read Debra Weiner Davis' "The sex starved marriage", and her taking it to heart.
3.  Me finding MMSL, reading Athol Kay, working my MAP, improving my frame and appearance. 

HappyTrail

1. zero

2. 3-4X/week

3. Don't know how to answer. Have never had 'regular' frequency. Since I've tolerated a few times per year for over 20 yrs, I guess that's the best answer I can give.

Both in our mid-40's

Blackwulf

1.  2-3 week
2. 2-3 week
3. 1/week

Other than when we have been at our lowest point, 2012-2013 we were at least 1/week.  The beginning was at least 4-5  week.  

maverick

1) 1/wk
2) daily
3) 1/wk

Husband3point0

I'm pretty sure my reply is going to raise some eyebrows. 

1) 0-10x/week
2) 5x/week
3) I have to be honest and admit I will probably accept lots zeros, because I have for many years. I guess I'm like @Reborn in this respect -- I'd like to say that I wouldn't accept less than twice/week or whatever, but history proves otherwise. 

My main enemy right now is the absurd volatility. We go from a string of mostly zeros to a few weeks in the 7+ range (including all the way up to huge numbers like 10-12 in a single week), and then back again. 

Winter

I'll chime in on the ladies side. 

1.  3-5 X weekly
2.  3-5 X weekly
3.  There were years we had sex only once or twice a year. Neither of us have any intention to return to that. I don't see our frequency changing anytime soon. We occasionally skip a week but that is rare. 1-2 times weekly would be acceptable depending on the circumstances. 

Tennee

1)  1-2X Weekly
2)  Daily - really, I'm a HD guy
3)  Like lots of others, I'm not going back to the way things were.  Any significant drop in volume from now - say 2X a month, would cause me to seriously destabilize the status quo and begin a phase escalation.  But, things seem steady as they go, so I only see positive up-side. 

Rorschach

Okay, I'll play. I'm 54, she's 52.

1) 1-4. Really depends on what is going on in life/work/kid. Quality/variety is another matter entirely...
2) 4-5
3) 1-4. Like others, never going back there. Ever.

RebuildingHusband

1 - 3
2 - 3
3 - 3
4 - Arsenal

soa2005

1. 3-5 per week
2. 3-5 per week
3. That's a good question. Even at our worse when my wife didn't really like me we were still averaging a decent frequency. Luckily for me sex wasn't the problem, being a good husband was. If sex dipped to once a week for no obvious reason then I would be concerned.

I'm really a lucky guy because my wife is high drive and really enjoys the bond she gets from sleeping with me. If things are going good she really wants to have sex. If things are off or we've been stressed or busy she still wants to go at it in an attempt to reconnect. 

Beans

Beans said:

For me:

1) 1-2 times a week
2) 3 times a week
3) Once a month would probably be the minimum I could deal with, so far we haven't reached that point (except for a few non-sex months after childbirth)

I'll add some background as others have:

Wife and I are both in our mid-30s with kids. In the past...I'd initiate 3-4 times a week and get a hard no/red 2-3 of those times and straight up duty sex for 1-2 times we did. The big thing for me was the rejections, lack of sexual/physical contact during her period and limited sex on vacations without the kids (when most couples would be having crazy monkey sex).


Before finding this site, I was starting to work on myself and the advice here has helped me fine tune things and there have been improvements. The frequency hasn't changed too much because we are addressing some health issues for her....but every time I initiate, there's been no rejection...I feel confident that if I did initiate 3-4 times, I'd at least get a yellow each time, maybe even a few greens as she seems more into it now, but one step at a time.

tulip

I'm 42. H is 48
1. Current average 6-9x week
2. I'd be ok with 5-7x a week but hubby is super high drive
3. Least minimum I'd tolerate, I guess once a week, but I would definitely be concerned about the huge decrease in frequency

Charlie

I'm 41, W 42
1. 2-3x per week
2. 3-5x per week, but I'm satisfied with current frequency. 
3. Not sure. At worst it probably never got much below 1x per week. I could probably live with that, but wouldn't be happy. Less than that I'd probably work towards phases 4-6. 

Pen_and_Sword

I'm 37, wife 36

1) Current average per week: 0.5-2 / week
2) Desired average per week: 1-3 / week
3) The least minimum average you'd accept: 0.5 / week


Historical low was about 1.5 / month, felt like less. That's what brought me here. I won't go back to less that once every two weeks, and in my situation I won't have to if I captain up.