Sex Frequency?: Average vs. Desired State vs. Minimum Willing to Accept

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  • RedPillLearningRedPillLearning My Technology EnclaveSilver Member Posts: 134
    We are both early 40's. 

    Current: 3 to 5 times per week (this includes BJ/HJ)

    Ideal: Everyother day on average (sometimes more than once per day would be nice) 

    Worst: 2 to 3 times per month led me to this site.  I wouldn't deal with that again unless it was a medical reason. 
    “The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.” - Nietzsche

    http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/10161/redpilllearning-s-introduction
    UnBetaMe
  • BlueWolfBlueWolf The grasslandsSilver Member Posts: 606
    edited April 20
    Me 41, w is 42.

    Current: 3-4 times/month, 2 times in a week has happened twice.

    Ideal: 2-3/week but this is a tricky one. With the kind of sex we have now I guess once a week is ok. But if W would be giving bj:s and be more active in bed I probably would like sex every others day.

    About the O:s, w have never had orgasm from Piv. But get it every time she wants from manual stimulation by me. (Once from oral but she want oral very rarely.) 

    Worst: nothing for like 6 months then 3-4 times during a year prior mmsl. This was a combination of low attraction and w dealing with a past of sexual abuse. 

    For now I can live with once a week but if it got less for a longer time I would have to escalate the map to phase 4. Im in a position were I feel like just having established a regular sexlife as the norm was a win. It was actually my map-goal. Im in the process of defining a new map and improve further so well see where this goes.


    "The male lion doesn't get pissy." Tennee        

    "In the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer."  A.Camus

    "Be the change you want!" Forum-wisdom

     

             

  • wanderingTheDesertwanderingTheDesert Desert SWSilver Member Posts: 219
    At first, I didn't want to post here because I'm ashamed of my current situation, and my failure to achieve meaningful change. Now, I see it as a marker from which to improve. 

    Current: 1-2 times per week (every 4.5 days)
    desired; 2-3 times per week
    worst- 1 time per week. 

    Over the the past several years, I've grown the actual from ever 5days to every 4.5 days, talk about a glacial pace. Faster, though, is the decline in my interest. I went from desiring ever day to 2-3 times per week. 

    Ive also gone from a 25% initiation success rate to not a single successful initiation in the past year. Like a number of other guys here, I still desire sex, just not with her. I lose attraction with every rejection, but even when she initiates, my attempts at variety are met with hard NOs, so I lost interest and attraction there, as well. 

    Oddly, she'll O about 30% of the time from PIV, and will occasionally ask for oral or manual. I don't volunteer oral or manual since she shows reticence at reciprocating. 


    BlueWolf
  • HowardHoward EuropeSilver Member Posts: 618
    edited May 23
    Both 61

    current: About 1x every 2 months (6x/year)
    preferred: 1-3x a week
    tolerate/minimum: 2 weeks or so

    Interestingly, during a relaxed conversation sometime last year my wife cheerfully said that she could ideally imagine us having sex 1-2x a week. This isn't working out in practice yet, so it seems there is still quite a bit of "MAP work" to be done. And she has been working her butt off for a long long time and is only very slowly starting to relax. When 2 months or more without sex go by I find it pretty tough to be OI about it though.
    ----------
    Buckbypj said:

    Read a sample of another book "The sex starved marriage" which someone mentioned. That really hit home to me on a few areas. Need to get a copy for my wife.

    @Buckbypj -is this an ironic comment ;-)?? Would your wife actually read that book if you gave it to her? Mine would consider that to be "putting her under pressure".

    "Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda
    "Do more of what you love."
    AngelineHildaCorners
  • DonaldDouglassDonaldDouglass Scottsdale Member Posts: 21
    current: 1x/week
    desired: every day or every other day
    only two months of sexual history

    Hubby told me men aren't designed to have sex more than every 3 days. ??? I get super antsy after 3-4 days and basically beg when it gets close to the week mark. ugh I hate myself for writing that.
    Sheesh when I was 17 I was "designed" to have sex 8 times a day. I could and did achieve that! A man in his 30s is certainly good for "every day" or even more than once a day if he's in good health.

    And... all across America, men wish they were married to a wife like you...
    wishful_thinkingTrumanLittlejoe
  • CountryDudeCountryDude ThailandMember Posts: 115
    I'm 29. She's 39.

    1) Once a week
    2) 2 - 4 times a week
    3) 0 - once a month

    We're up at 5-6 times a month now.

    It's been 3 times this month and were are only a week in.

    I am aiming for 8 times this month. It seems doable. That would put us into my ideal bracket.

    I would be happy to just chill at that rate and focus on quality (though quality is at an all time high at the moment, but it could be better).

    Tennee42andatowelBeatrice
  • raiderdaveraiderdave norcalMember Posts: 2
    1) 5-7 per week
    2) 5-7 per week
    3) 4 per week
  • LittlejoeLittlejoe TexasSilver Member Posts: 151

    Last month (May), we had sex 3x for the first time in a looonnnggg time.  So far this month...zero.  I'm 0 fer ...idk...10?  And may have passed up on the one time I could have successfully pushed it.

    1) 1-2 month

    2) 2-3 week

    3) 1 -2 month (since that's what its been)  But I don't like it.

    Also want to say I TOO am finding myself less attracted as I MAP and receive more no's.  In my MAP thread, I already said I struggle with desiring her anyway as she has gained about 50 pounds (on a very slender frame) and now has an ugly double chin and shaped like an apple (still has skinny, but nice, legs) which I don't find very attractive.  Makes OI easier to pull off I guess. 

    wishful_thinking
  • Irishwhiskey133Irishwhiskey133 FloridaMember Posts: 2
    Every day
    2/3 times per week
    2/3 times per week
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