Ivy's MAP

Ivy

I'll do a larger update tomorrow, but two things. I really like my job and my husband now was a prescription for testosterone injections. 

Ivy

It's past time for an update. The last couple of weeks have actually been better than things have been in a while.
DH initiated twice last week. Neither were weak or tentative. The first time had a good amount of dominance and was exactly what I'm always wanting. The second time I wasn't completely in the mood but he was still pretty assertive so it was still pretty fun and he didn't do the annoying thing he has done in the past where he's about to orgasm then stops because I'm not there yet. I'd much rather he finish me after if need be. Half the time I'm almost there and it kills it for me.
The new job is going well but DD3 is having some serious separation anxiety and is extremely clingy when I'm home so I'm having trouble getting things done. I've got to relearn to prioritize my time so we can get things done. I'm really  having trouble finding time to get to the gym on days I work, especially if I work a 10. I think after we move in August, a home gym needs to be a priority so I can get up early and work out before the kids get up. I did manage to get DD1 registered at the zoned school for school next year. She also started her first job yesterday. 
Decluttering / packing has ground to a halt since I started working and it needs to start again. I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff over the last 6 months but I really want it organized before we move.
DH got a prescription for testosterone shots because he's still around 250 and our insurance will pay for them which was kind of a worry of mine. 
He had a big +1 this weekend. We wanted to have a bbq for the 4th and I had to work. Unlike in the past, DH and DD1 handled the food and prepping the house really well. I didn't nag about getting things done and it went well and was a fun, low stress time. He also has not whined about my working weekends which means him giving up time at the at the archery range on Saturday and his being responsible for taking the children to church on Sunday. No whining or complaining. He's just handling things lately.  This helps to increase my attraction quite a bit.

I've also realized recently how negatively by body image issues affect our sex life. Even though I want sex it's hard for me to imagine my husband wanting to have sex with me. I have such a disgust for how my body looks at this point it's hard to think he would want to look at it. Honestly, when I go to get in the shower I try not to look at myself in the mirror. I know this is a huge DLV and I've stopped making negative comments about myself to my husband but it's still something I need to overcome. To get down to the top of a normal weight range is about 60 lbs still and it's just going to take time. Even then, there's a good chance I still won't be happy with my body due to extra skin / possible sagging. I just don't know what I can do other than what I'm already doing to improve this. 

Monkeys for this week:
1. Have enough courage to wear some of the lingerie I bought recently.
2.  Make time for packing.
3. Research at home workouts / possible home gym setup.

Serenity

@Ivy  Please, please make sure he does the lab work for clotting disorders before starting T therapy.

Most doctors don't bother because the clotting disorders are so rare. But if you're in that 1-2%, T therapy can actually be deadly.

I know two guys who had blood clots after starting T therapy.

http://hightmarriage.com/testosterone-therapy-the-good-the-bad-the-ugly/

Ivy

I had a situation with DH I'm not sure if I handled right yesterday. When he got home from work yesterday I invited him to come with me to take DD3 to an indoor playground before her doctor's appt.  He said yes and proceeded to start doing something I'd asked if he could do about 4 days prior. 
I told him if he wanted to come we'd need to leave because there was an appointment afterwards. 
When we got there he got pissed because you have to be in socks in the play area and said he wouldn't take his shoes off. I told him he had to or he'd have to stay in the waiting area. He stomped around, yelled that he'd just leave and slammed the door on his way outside. I just went and paid for our daughter to play and didn't follow him. He came back about 10 min later and sat in the entry area until it was time to go. 

Angeline

I think you did fine. Other than telling him the children's time out area is in the car (NOT advising that for real lol) I don't see how you could have done anything different. Why did you invite him?

Ivy

@Angeline he has complained that I'm always too busy and don't spend time with him. ( I go to the gym too much and at night instead of watching Netflix for 3 hours with him I do things I want to do or need to be done in the house). Yesterday was my only day off and I had things to do but was trying to acquiesce to his request to spend time with him. He's also usually a lot of fun at kids activities when I can get him to go with us. 

Ivy

It's been a while so I think it's time for an update. We moved a week ago into a rental homewhich I love. It's nice to not be so cramped. The decluttering and packing went ok but we were still not as ready as I wanted to be. 
DH has been seriously stepping up lately. He has been handling things lately with little to no hand holding and very little whining. He even brought up getting a degree online. We had a discussion where I told him while I think he should go to school I think he needs to be sure because in the past he's tried taking a few classes but has blown them off and we have wasted money. He handled the fact that I don't yet trust him in this really well. A year ago this would have been a huge blowup on both our ends. 
I'm ordering some home gym equipment this week so I can get my workouts in early in the morning before kids wake up. 
I've switched my diet up a bit. I'm trying out IIFYM out and it's working well so far. 
I haven't worn the lingerie yet but our sex life is currently being sabotaged by an almost 2 year old who I'm really having trouble getting her to sleep in her bed. Before we moved she'd go to bed in her room and end up in ours sometime between 11-1 but since we moved I can't get her to go to sleep in her bed. Anyone who has had success solving this I'd appreciate any pointers. I didn't have this problem with my older two. 
DD1 is starting 11th grade at her zoned high school instead of the magnet school and has moped a little bit. I haven't caved and catered to her moods on this which I used to do for most of her upsets. She also dropped a bomb shell on DH and I by announcing she isn't sure she wants to go to college. After discussing, it we told her that it will be her decision but after high school she's expected to work full time and at 19 she'll need to be enrolled in college or be ready to move out. 
I've also been doing better on my girl game. Makeup and hair gets done every day, no matter if I'm going anywhere or not. I'm trying to grow my nails out and making sure my pedicures get done. On my work days, I wear scrubs and then yoga pants afterwards at home but on my days off I'm trying to wear dresses and nice shoes  unless I'm doing something messy around the house. 
Monkeys for this week:
1. Set up sewing / craft area in new house. 
2. On a night we can get DD3 to bed wear the lingerie. 
3. Make budget and start planning bday parties for DD1 (mid September ) and DD3 ( beg of October) 

Ivy

Work has kept me really busy for the last couple of months and I'd planned on restructuring my map and posting more in the new year. I wanted to give one last update before the forum is no more.
Since reading MMSLP and joining this forum my marriage has started to turn around, my husband is getting treatment for his low t, I've become a better parent, I've lost weight and have a much healthier lifestyle. Before finding MMSL I was almost at a breaking point to asking for a divorce and now things are a lot better. We're having more sex and working together better than ever. We're not where I want to be but we're on our way. DH is trying to talk me into trying for a boy one more time. I'm enjoying his efforts at convincing me. I've also stood up to my family when they've tried to guilt me and tell me I'm not doing enough for my dad. I have more respect for myself than I ever have before.
I'd like to thank @Athol_Kay and @Jen_Kay for the important work they do for marriages. It's changed my and my family's lives. 

I'd also like to thank @Serenity @Angeline @JellyBean @nubby @amblrgirl @frillyfun    @Roses @Tiger_Lily @telyni ;@forestleaf  and @CartB4Horse for all of the advice and support. 

Thank you @jon and @MrsJon. Reading your threads showed me how much improvement is possible with a husband and wife both mapping. Hopefully some day I'll convince my husband to read MMSLP or to do coaching with me. 

Thank you to @sf64. A lot of your threads really opened my eyes to the way men think. It wasn't easy for me to read but they helped me kill my blue pill mindset more than anything else, especially the posts made on girl game . They really gave me the kick in the ass I needed to start getting my shit together in that area. I'm sure my husband would be appreciative as well

Going forward I wish all of you the best of luck and happiness. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.