Maybe they just wanted to visit Pound Town? Didn't want to buy a home and raise kids, just visit for the night.....
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
They liked you enough to have sex with you; they didn't like having sex with you enough to want it again. I'd re-read what @somanychickens wrote. I have nothing to add there; it's excellent. If I say to a man, "tell me what you like about my breasts," he needs to growl something very dirty and explicit in my ear about my breasts-- not the concept of breasts in general-- and the naughty things my breasts make him want to do.
I have no experience with short-term hookups, but this sounds to me like we are expecting some kind of magical connection to be made instantly. Sounds ironically like blue-pill romanticism to me--"You'll know when you've found the perfect person because there will be magic."
I actually think it's the exact opposite. I was actually much more likely to try and tough it out before I learned about how quickly humans make the decision of whether they're into the other person, and how important that basic attraction is to get you through the tough crap modern life throws at you. Male or female, this decision is made in minutes.
Back in my bluest of blue pill days, when I thought I should like this guy but not that one, I kept trying to make it work long past its expiration date. After many years of a marriage of trying to do that, now I'd be much quicker to move on, and did so during my 3-4 years of post divorce dating.
Whether they understand the underlying biology or not, for once the fairy tale stuff serves a useful purpose - attraction is there or it isn't. Trying to keep it going without it is ultimately very empty and unsatisfying, even if, or maybe especially if, you're both just looking for some hot, passionate sex.
"Speak your truth." - Scarlet Remember to play! Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not. Be married, until you are not.
MM - are you wanting to be in a relationship, specifically an exclusive one, right now?
I'm not sure.
It's a grind out there. I'm getting a little tired of the scheduling and the hot/cold that we're discussing in this thread. And I'm honestly getting a little concerned that some women don't think I'm worth hanging onto. Maybe it's just recency bias; I had better luck earlier on.
I'd probably feel better if I were doing the nexting as opposed to being nexted.
And I'm honestly getting a little concerned that some women don't think I'm worth hanging onto. Maybe it's just recency bias; I had better luck earlier on.
I'd probably feel better if I were doing the nexting as opposed to being nexted.
As you know, that is a horrible predictor of any medium to longer term horizon; hell its iffy for short-term too. So screw it. And yeah, its coloring your lens IMO.
We've all been Nexted, and done the Nexting - part of life. Carry on man, that's what you do. Maybe apply a little IDGAF / cavalier attitude here.
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight" Japanese Proverb
One lesson I'm taking from this: The more recent of these two experiences was very centered on her pleasure. I gave to her; she didn't reciprocate. And I didn't really ask. I need to be in my own frame. I kind of assumed that next time, there'd be more for me there. And next time didn't happen because she didn't feel a connection.
I think that's a great lesson learned. The journey is more fun when you're getting yours.
Also, I could see a woman being a little put off by a guy who doesn't try to get his (along with hers) on the first sexual encounter. But that may be me projecting my own flavors - I would be uncomfortable if a man pleasured me and then called it a night without seeking his own pleasure on our first encounter. I would question his animal desire for me and maybe feel a bit self-conscious (was he just being nice/doing me a favor, but wasn't really all that attracted to me?). Then again, you may date women who are less anxious than me and don't overthink those scenarios so much, lol.
Really, it's clear that you are a catch - attractive, fit, smart, good job, have your life together, solid game. I think you'll have many women to choose from when you decide you want a commitment (and for fun until then).
2 dates is not a trend. Giving them Os and not getting yours, is Nice Guy, you need to stop that.
You need to decide what you want your next woman to be for your next LTR, and become that person that you want to be that will attract her.
Are you a striver of BJTC ? Are you the guy that is chasing the elusive anal lover? You need lay it all out on the table right away, or you are going to be wasting your time and find the wrong one.
If a woman is awesome, great conversation, attractive, everything, but doesnt really like anal but "will do it", is not for me. Fuck that, see ya. Glad that I dodged that bullet. Cuz I wouldnt want to be wasting my time with resentment in 3 months, 6 months, 6 years. A woman that needs texts or calls several times a day? or even everyday? Not for me. Bye.
My needs. Mine. Me.
Your concern over 2 dates that went the right way, is a concern. It is a Red. Figure it out and make it Green.
If you would have came, you would not be having those concerns or making this thread.
@amblrgirl and @Jek raised good points. To clarify, it wasn't that I didn't want my own pleasure, but things just didn't go that direction. I was doing a good job pushing boundaries, getting her excited enough for me to get more and more of her clothes off, to going down on her, etc. I even took her hand and put it on my crotch and said, "Look how hard you've made me." But she didn't do anything about it.
So so maybe it would be good for me to start another thread regarding escalating or going for my own pleasure during a first hookup.
I even took her hand and put it on my crotch and said, "Look how hard you've made me." But she didn't do anything about it.
Bubba, YOU didn't do anything about it. Why weren't you taking your pants off, while removing the rest of her clothing, and then going all cave-man here? The FO perspective above is spot-on, methinks the tentativeness and hesitation spoke to Ol Lizzie, and Lizzie made up her mind.
Remember, 'Just Fucking Fuck Me Already'
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight" Japanese Proverb
If that was Breasts Girl, she may not have wanted to wax oral on your penis when you didn't do so about her breasts. She may not even have wanted you to wax poetic so much as dive in and maul them
"Speak your truth." - Scarlet Remember to play! Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not. Be married, until you are not.
I even took her hand and put it on my crotch and said, "Look how hard you've made me." But she didn't do anything about it.
Bubba, YOU didn't do anything about it. Why weren't you taking your pants off, while removing the rest of her clothing, and then going all cave-man here? The FO perspective above is spot-on, methinks the tentativeness and hesitation spoke to Ol Lizzie, and Lizzie made up her mind.
Remember, 'Just Fucking Fuck Me Already'
I took it more from a starfish perspective. She didn't do anything? WTF? First encounter and she wasn't all over him spells issues for her. NEXT.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
"escalating or going for my own pleasure" is a blanket. It has to be what you want, not what you think that you are supposed to want. You may not want to have sex, then dont go for it. It is all situational, not cookie cutter.
Im not really good with all of the forum terminology, but it sounds like you have covert contracts in your head. "If I do this, they should do this", cuz it worked last time.
or maybe you just arent closing the sale? I may be stupid, but any woman that goes out with me, is well aware that sex is 99%, if we end up at her house, mine, in a park, alone in an alley, that is a green fucking light. It is well past any escalation or further discussion. I have never had a woman come to my house because my coffee is incredible.
Keep in mind, that my responses are biased. I think that if a woman is with me, she is there with the intention of sex. Anything else, she can hire someone for, or do it herself.
Dating is tricky for a man. On the one hand, you need to be Passionate Sexual Caveman. On the other hand, going anywhere near a hard no, or really even pushing a soft no, is a million times more dangerous with a woman you just met than it is with a spouse.
Dating is tricky for a man. On the one hand, you need to be Passionate Sexual Caveman. On the other hand, going anywhere near a hard no, or really even pushing a soft no, is a million times more dangerous with a woman you just met than it is with a spouse.
Comments
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I was actually much more likely to try and tough it out before I learned about how quickly humans make the decision of whether they're into the other person, and how important that basic attraction is to get you through the tough crap modern life throws at you. Male or female, this decision is made in minutes.
Back in my bluest of blue pill days, when I thought I should like this guy but not that one, I kept trying to make it work long past its expiration date. After many years of a marriage of trying to do that, now I'd be much quicker to move on, and did so during my 3-4 years of post divorce dating.
Whether they understand the underlying biology or not, for once the fairy tale stuff serves a useful purpose - attraction is there or it isn't. Trying to keep it going without it is ultimately very empty and unsatisfying, even if, or maybe especially if, you're both just looking for some hot, passionate sex.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
How will you live well today?
It's a grind out there. I'm getting a little tired of the scheduling and the hot/cold that we're discussing in this thread. And I'm honestly getting a little concerned that some women don't think I'm worth hanging onto. Maybe it's just recency bias; I had better luck earlier on.
I'd probably feel better if I were doing the nexting as opposed to being nexted.
We've all been Nexted, and done the Nexting - part of life. Carry on man, that's what you do. Maybe apply a little IDGAF / cavalier attitude here.
How will you live well today?
Also, this stood out to me:
I think that's a great lesson learned. The journey is more fun when you're getting yours.
Also, I could see a woman being a little put off by a guy who doesn't try to get his (along with hers) on the first sexual encounter. But that may be me projecting my own flavors - I would be uncomfortable if a man pleasured me and then called it a night without seeking his own pleasure on our first encounter. I would question his animal desire for me and maybe feel a bit self-conscious (was he just being nice/doing me a favor, but wasn't really all that attracted to me?). Then again, you may date women who are less anxious than me and don't overthink those scenarios so much, lol.
Really, it's clear that you are a catch - attractive, fit, smart, good job, have your life together, solid game. I think you'll have many women to choose from when you decide you want a commitment (and for fun until then).
Fitocracy: atxchick
Enneagram 6w5, married to a 5
2 dates is not a trend.
Giving them Os and not getting yours, is Nice Guy, you need to stop that.
You need to decide what you want your next woman to be for your next LTR, and become that person that you want to be that will attract her.
Are you a striver of BJTC ? Are you the guy that is chasing the elusive anal lover? You need lay it all out on the table right away, or you are going to be wasting your time and find the wrong one.
If a woman is awesome, great conversation, attractive, everything, but doesnt really like anal but "will do it", is not for me. Fuck that, see ya. Glad that I dodged that bullet. Cuz I wouldnt want to be wasting my time with resentment in 3 months, 6 months, 6 years. A woman that needs texts or calls several times a day? or even everyday? Not for me. Bye.
My needs.
Mine.
Me.
Your concern over 2 dates that went the right way, is a concern. It is a Red. Figure it out and make it Green.
If you would have came, you would not be having those concerns or making this thread.
Keep up the good work!
So so maybe it would be good for me to start another thread regarding escalating or going for my own pleasure during a first hookup.
Remember, 'Just Fucking Fuck Me Already'
How will you live well today?
When I have a little more time, I'm going to start that other thread.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
"escalating or going for my own pleasure" is a blanket. It has to be what you want, not what you think that you are supposed to want. You may not want to have sex, then dont go for it. It is all situational, not cookie cutter.
Im not really good with all of the forum terminology, but it sounds like you have covert contracts in your head. "If I do this, they should do this", cuz it worked last time.
or maybe you just arent closing the sale? I may be stupid, but any woman that goes out with me, is well aware that sex is 99%, if we end up at her house, mine, in a park, alone in an alley, that is a green fucking light. It is well past any escalation or further discussion. I have never had a woman come to my house because my coffee is incredible.
Keep in mind, that my responses are biased. I think that if a woman is with me, she is there with the intention of sex. Anything else, she can hire someone for, or do it herself.