My man feels bad and I want us to get past this

13

Comments

  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    Sure his ego is bruised.  His perception though has been shattered to a degree of who the OP is.  The fact that this relationship was to be built on respect and the OP really down played her experience enough to where her fiance didn't think she was into something he wanted.  That is a lack of respect for him being able to handle the truth of who she is as a sexual being.  

    The OP mislead him on her level of sexual experience.  It came back to bite her.  She has lied to him and got caught.  If sexual past wasn't important to the fiance, why would the OP have down played it to such a degree? 

    The rage is definitely his own.  The question is should he accept and forgive someone who lied to him.  That is his call.  
    ffp20MiddleMan
  • CrashaxeCrashaxe Partytown, which is wherever I am.Gold Men Posts: 1,243
    Interestingly, if I had been responding to this 3 months ago before being on TRT, I would have said, "Meh.... No big deal."

    “I’m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.” General James Mattis, USMC

    _ioMiddleManmaverick
  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    The OP's fiance has a lot to think about and his trust in her is a part of it whether that was her intent or not when she "down played" her past.  She has agency in the making of this situation.  She doesn't owe him sex in any manner.  He also doesn't owe her anything if he decides to end the relationship.  He has the right to be angry.  He had an impression of her that has been proven false because she "down played" her past.  
    wishful_thinkingRedPillRonRicoMiddleMan
  • codename_duchesscodename_duchess AustraliaSilver Member Posts: 222
    If she has withheld the truth from him because she's worried that he may think her a slut, then he may be going slow and not be pushing for what he wants. It may be that they are both happy having steamy sex, but she's not willing to admit that because she fears being judged, and he's not willing to admit it because she's never done it before and he doesn't want to push boundaries too quickly.
    I don't think he should shame her for it, but if they were both interested in non-vanilla and she pretended that she wasn't, then I can understand him feeling cheated. Yes, maybe if he had more game he would have got there anyway, but would he then be on her radar as a long-term prospect?
    PersephoneMiddleMan
  • PersephonePersephone Northeast USSilver Member Posts: 565
    edited April 17
     
    Winter said:
    Sorry but no. 

    We don't know the extent of the prior partner conversation so to call her a liar is a bit much 

    A little something to consider. 

    If you shame the woman you want to have wild and crazy sex with for having had wild and crazy sex you won't get wild and crazy sex. 

    She doesn't 'owe' him anything.  She doesn't need to go have anal sex with him to prove anything. The idea that somehow she should put on a show for him is more distasteful to me than having a wild fling with douche bag guy. 

    Am I completely off base here?  


    Well... I've always used my past as a selling point. It's like a secret superpower. ;) So I'd give him a show. Something special. Not necessarily AS because that requires more planning, but maybe a few things he particularly enjoys all in one night. Maybe those shoes he likes, a little dance, a stellar bj, and some cowgirl action? I don't know, just suggestions off the top of my head.

    All I'm saying is, marriage is a contract and he needs a sign of good faith. Talk about it later (if you must :( ), but re-build that connection immediately.

    MiddleManmaverick
  • RicoRico ArribaSilver Member Posts: 1,284
    If you're not willing to give your potential spouse your absolute best (whether that be sexual or otherwise, male or female), then don't marry them - for both your sakes.
    never_againAdamBeckerMiddleManmaverick
  • wishful_thinkingwishful_thinking australiaGold Men Posts: 160
    Templar said:
    That would be unlikely that he would think less of you - especially since you have an established relationship. It is a myth that he would think less of you for doing sexual things with him that he wants to do.
    I'm not sure about this. If I was in this situation, and my wife ramped up the sexual activities, in the back of my mind I'd be thinking that she's only doing this because she feels the need to, not because she wants to.
  • Raspberry_roseRaspberry_rose USASilver Member Posts: 994
    If you're supposed to do everything you did sexually in a past relationship with a current one, then, logically, you should pass on the STDs too instead of getting meds or whatever.

    Disclaimer: Health risks should always be discussed.
    Eightbit
  • RicoRico ArribaSilver Member Posts: 1,284
    Templar said:
    That would be unlikely that he would think less of you - especially since you have an established relationship. It is a myth that he would think less of you for doing sexual things with him that he wants to do.
    I'm not sure about this. If I was in this situation, and my wife ramped up the sexual activities, in the back of my mind I'd be thinking that she's only doing this because she feels the need to, not because she wants to.
    Sure. But If it ramps up and stays "ramped", I seriously doubt he would complain.
    TemplarMiddleMan
  • OneEyedDrunkOneEyedDrunk Out West Silver Member Posts: 1,808
    I was in a similar situation as your fiancé. I saw some emails on her AOL (wasn't snooping-was helping her with a school assignment) as well as an instant message from a guy who she slept with previously while I was on her computer. He was actually sending me a message thinking I was her. This was while we were engaged. No indication of anything ongoing as she had no contact with the guy on IM for a long time. 

    I was angry. I wasn't looking for a hookup with her (yet we slept together on the first date). I was getting everything from her, so she definitely wasn't holding back.

    She cut back on things drastically which brought me here to MMSL. Things are much better than they were for sure. 

    I really like @SMan advice given. He seems to understand the situation the best. 
    oneeyeddrunk.weebly.com
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