lost frame at dinner table

DarKeyesDarKeyes Silver Member Posts: 660
Wife was still eating, I put my dish in the dishwasher and sat down with some hummus. She told me she was upset that I cleared my plate while she was eating (she has mentioned it before). My initial response was "OK," then, "I heard you." She started getting upset that I didn't care about her feelings. I'm feeling like her being upset over trivia is her problem, not mine. Anyway, I told her that I did a the cooking and most of the cleaning and I was not in the mood for catching hell, and left the table to come upstairs to work. Here I am 30 minutes later, feeling not very alpha at all, and also feeling like I am getting very tired of the wife, it is much nicer around here when she is traveling. 

Anyway, I know I could have handled it better from either an empathy standpoint OR an alpha standpoint. Recommendations for next time? 

Comments

  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    She was upset that you didn't wait to put your plate up so you could take care of hers?  Is she hurt or is this just her wanting you to wait on her?  

    Fetching and doing things like that is a shit test.  If she was done at the same time then it is no big deal to take someone's plate for them to the sink especially since you are going that direction. 
    TenneeTPoke
  • frillyfunfrillyfun East PodunkGold Women Posts: 3,386
    edited April 26
    The rule in our house is that no one is excused until everyone is done eating.  Dinner time is about connecting.

    You're cooking- make it awesome, and use it as a leadership opportunity.
    MrsJonAngelineTemplar
  • DarKeyesDarKeyes Silver Member Posts: 660
    she was annoyed because she was still eating (world's slowest eater) and I was putting stuff away. 
  • growingafamilygrowingafamily chicagoSilver Member Posts: 1,841
    Is she a quality time person? Did she just want you to sit with her instead of running around doing things?
    AngelineLadyOrTheTygerTemplar
  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    Were you sitting back down at the table with her to eat the hummus?  Trying to get a full picture. 
  • DarKeyesDarKeyes Silver Member Posts: 660
    @growingafamily yes, she is. 
    @Blackwulf , yes, I was sitting down when this came up. 


  • NewMeNewMe Member Posts: 89
    My wife would get upset about that too... Dinner time is family time.  
    I also kind of agree, it sort of rude to just start putting things away while people are still eating.

    I don't think your wife is being unreasonable if she considers it family time.
    AngelineRebornTemplarfrillyfun
  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    Well we consider dinner time family time too.  Getting up to put a plate away and coming back is normal for us.  Our eating area is open to our kitchen since we use our separate dining room as a class room. 

    I think if you were holding a conversation and you have to leave a room its one thing, if you can keep a conversation going and still be listening it isn't.  We aren't big sticklers
    on having to get up from the table, we are more concerned about not cutting off a conversation.  If there is no big precedent on this then it is something that you need to discuss and get on the same page. 
    Angeline
  • DarKeyesDarKeyes Silver Member Posts: 660
    @shibari, I take your points, more truth than I want to admit. I have worked with Athol, but I'm not ready to leave yet, more story than I'm going to go into now. 

    In the meantime, I understand there are problems, and I need help dealing with this particular tactical situation. I believe if I can string enough of these together, things may turn around, and if not, I'm better practiced when I do leave and look elsewhere. 
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