Wife was still eating, I put my dish in the dishwasher and sat down with some hummus. She told me she was upset that I cleared my plate while she was eating (she has mentioned it before). My initial response was "OK," then, "I heard you." She started getting upset that I didn't care about her feelings. I'm feeling like her being upset over trivia is her problem, not mine. Anyway, I told her that I did a the cooking and most of the cleaning and I was not in the mood for catching hell, and left the table to come upstairs to work. Here I am 30 minutes later, feeling not very alpha at all, and also feeling like I am getting very tired of the wife, it is much nicer around here when she is traveling.
Anyway, I know I could have handled it better from either an empathy standpoint OR an alpha standpoint. Recommendations for next time?
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Fetching and doing things like that is a shit test. If she was done at the same time then it is no big deal to take someone's plate for them to the sink especially since you are going that direction.
You're cooking- make it awesome, and use it as a leadership opportunity.
@Blackwulf , yes, I was sitting down when this came up.
I also kind of agree, it sort of rude to just start putting things away while people are still eating.
I don't think your wife is being unreasonable if she considers it family time.
I think if you were holding a conversation and you have to leave a room its one thing, if you can keep a conversation going and still be listening it isn't. We aren't big sticklers
on having to get up from the table, we are more concerned about not cutting off a conversation. If there is no big precedent on this then it is something that you need to discuss and get on the same page.
Yup. Quoted for truth.
It's not about the plate.
Neither of you is asking for what you actually want. Instead you are fighting over table manners. Everyone knows different families have different rules about table manners.
We could take a poll here on how many people think putting your plate away while the other person is still eating is OK, and how many people think it is rude. So what. It's not a democracy. That's the kind of thing that doesn't cause a problem if communication is happening
So you know what she's upset about, and it's not table manners.
In the meantime, I understand there are problems, and I need help dealing with this particular tactical situation. I believe if I can string enough of these together, things may turn around, and if not, I'm better practiced when I do leave and look elsewhere.