Divorced man's guide to surviving the aftermath?

Remus

Have a close friend who just went through a nightmare divorce and custody battle (which he mostly lost).

He's a wreck emotionally, physically, everything.  Part of the reason he lost so badly in the divorce.

I am thinking he needs a structured approach to getting his shit together.  Basically the MAP but focused around recovering for this.
 
I'm sure there are lots of books out there but I debate which ones might be intelligent, structured, logical and not just self help bestseller crap.

Suggestions?

Angeline

I'd wait for him to ask, or at least just have a few conversations where you sort of gently introduce the concept that it doesn't have to be this way. The anger and grief will cause a lot of people to just kneejerk reject anything at first, and you'll have shot your best ammo off.

Remus

Angeline said:

I'd wait for him to ask, or at least just have a few conversations where you sort of gently introduce the concept that it doesn't have to be this way. The anger and grief will cause a lot of people to just kneejerk reject anything at first, and you'll have shot your best ammo off.

You're right, I'm not going to just start sending him books at random.  But I do know that some kind of guide that's not full of cheap pop psychology and magic fix schemes, but rather a sensible, structured plan, will be useful.

Angeline

You mean, aside from the obvious one?

Remus

Angeline said:

You mean, aside from the obvious one?

Well the issue with sending him the MAP book or the MMSL book is something I mentioned in a thread awhile ago.  They are very marriage centric, and for someone who just went through a brutal divorce, I suspect he might read a few pages and say its not for him because of the marriage part.

LadyOrTheTyger

Not to mention reading the primer immediately following a divorce can feel like rubbing salt in a wound. God if only I had known this before. . . . . 

Ask me how I know.  

SaigoTakamori

Mindful Attraction Plan

Is the book to recommend.

Mongrel

This guy is pretty good. Though the blog title talks about dating advice it is much more than that.
https://www.patreon.com/theprivateman

Jek

If I would have been exposed to this forum and the books in 2010, maybe my "bounce back" would have been sooner.

I don't know if there is a set amount of time, no greiving period for divorce.  I think the moment the papers are signed, start again.  And how can you start over right, if you dont know where you went wrong?


If I get fired as a cook, should I go sit at home and sulk for 6 months then go apply for another cooks position?  Or should I immediately start learning to be a better cook?  If I just wing it and pray, I will get fired again.


I am doing that right now, as my map.  I am learning, applying, learning applying until it becomes me.  Only then will I think of another relationship.

fordsvt

He will get past this for sure 
perhaps he needs an introduction to Red Pill thinking. Just be there for him and talk. Support his needs and get him moving forward 

EANx

Have to agree with @fordsvt . I had an employee that was going through a mess of a separation with a woman he wasn't even married to. At the early stages, it's more important to be there as a shoulder to cry on and someone he can see achieving success. I made sure my employee knew I had recovered from a divorce, had a kid I won custody of, etc. and that I was moving on. IMO, the most important thing you can demonstrate is that life moves on.

HildaCorners

Remus said:

Well the issue with sending him the MAP book or the MMSL book is something I mentioned in a thread awhile ago.  They are very marriage centric, and for someone who just went through a brutal divorce, I suspect he might read a few pages and say its not for him because of the marriage part.

This depends on the person.

After my marriage broke up, I was foundering until I discovered Athol's blog. From the first post I read, things about my relationship started making sense, and the more I read, the more I understood why the marriage was doomed, and what my (tiny) part in it was.

Knowing this, I was able to start healing. And when Athol started the forum, and published the MAP book, I was able to see past the "in marriage" talk and pull what's helpful for me. And it's been *very* helpful.

I'm an Enneagram 5w4. The 5 in me processes things by reading/research, and has no problem pulling the useful bits from a larger picture. If your friend process things the same way I do, I'd get him on board with MAP and the forum as soon as he's ready.