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Oregonlioness
Oregon Member Posts: 24
I was sent this site in hopes that it can help. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and for the past 2 years we have been fighting about the lack of sex on his part. We have had actual sexual intercourse once in the last 10 months.
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go to this link and look for the ten questions
type up your answers to them - the more detail the better - and put them in this thread
let us know exactly what you are hoping to improve
when we know more, folks can give you advice on how to make things better
good luck
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Fuck Culture. Live your life - Beatrice
You didn't specify in your opening post, but I assume you are a woman partnered with a man. Is this correct?
Without knowing anything else about you and your relationship, my first reaction is DTMFA and find a more compatible partner. But that's my gut response and I could be way off base. That's why we need answers to the triage questions.
Recommend you work on the answers in some kind of offsite program such as Notepad, then cut and paste your answers as plain text right here in this thread. If you get a maximum characters error, (1) make sure it's plain text and (2) break it up into several comments if needed. Take your time and just answer 1 or 2 at a time if that's all you have time for, thorough is better.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
There are several different reasons a man loses interest in sex.
The good news is that most of them are fixable, if both partners are interested in trying.
The triage will help.
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
Q2. I am a breast cancer survivor. I had a double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery. Had a partial hysterectomy 17yrs ago for medical reasons. Iam on tamoxifen for another yr if all continues to go well. That is the only medication I take other then tylenol. He has no known medical issues and takes no medications of any kind.
Q3. We both hold down full time jobs and he insists on working a part time job 3 days a week from April to October so he can golf for free. We own both of our cars. We rent our home. As for debt we are pretty debt free. I have a small credit card debt but it doesnt interfere in my ability to save or to pay my bills. He has a debt to me for $3000 for work needed done on his car because he is awful with money and can't save. Our household bills are split down the middle. I pay for my car insurance and he pays for his. My money earned is my money his is his.
Q4. There is no abuse in the relationship. But there has been cheating. I found out that he had been cheating on me with multiple women for the first 6 months of our relationship. I chose to get past it and move on. Because of our schedules we dont get much time for each other during the week or the weekend because of his golfing and other job. Whatever free time we do have he is either sleeping, on his phone playing games checking sport or playing video games on xbox. When i try to initiate he totally ignores me.
Q5. I have asked the question of if there was another woman again and he says no that he realized is mistake the first time. But I played detective and found nothing. All cell phone records match numbers of people we know. Text messages are to coworkers golf buddies and myself. Laptop tablet and cellphone internet history show no activity to porn sites. There isnt any porn videos in the house that I can find. I looked in every possible hiding spot.
Q6. I would say the sex started to change after I caught him cheating. He would make excuses as to why things had changed. But to him they were legitimate reasons. Like our schedules, his hip hurt had a headache, didnt feel good, was tired. Our schedules havent changed since day one. They never stopped us from having sex in the beginning. So why all of a sudden is it an issue after I caught him cheating? I can except once and awhile but not all the time. Things got worse after we moved in together. Another excuse to deal with my daughter and her boyfriend . He didn't have a problem with having sex knowing they were here when he would come over on the weekends before he moved in. But as soon as he moved in it pretty much stopped. They were only her for about a year after he moved in before she bought her house and moved out.
Q7. Sex at the beginning of our relationship was great. We would have sex multiple times a night when we would see each other. When things progressed and I started staying over on the weekends and dropping by after work it was great. I can remember times that I would be awakened by him playing with me. Or that we would have sex before he left for work Monday morning.
I know that was what they call the honeymoon stage. So when things slowed down to once or twice a week I was ok with that. I started having problems with it when we would go weeks without and kind of sexual contact. I would deal with it for awhile then blow up. He would say he was sorry he would work on it better. He would for a couple weeks then back to the same routine. We would argue work on it then he would sweep it under the rug. Three or four months would pass yo-yo samething. Went on vacation last yr and never once had sex. So the excuse of my daughter and her boyfriend being home was a load of crap because we went alone. So we have had sex once since last September when my daughter and her boyfriend moved out.
Q8. Elephant in the room I'd say would be that we met at a swingers party. Tried the lifestyle for awhile. I enjoyed the lifestyle he couldn't go by the rules that we set in place for each other. He would go and meet and talk to women behind my back without me and play. He would let them buy him things. To me that was cheating. If he wont have sex with me I'm not going to allow him to have sex with someone else. So I put a stop to it.
Q9. To me I feel like the leader and it works out well. I make sure that our household bills are payed and on time. I do the shopping otherwise our house would be filled with bread, pasta, and snacks. I dont feel that I could leave that up to him. He cant manage or budget his money to save his life. If he has extra money instead of putting it aside for a rainy day he has to spend it. I feel he has a shopping addiction. That is why he had to barrow $3000 from me when his car broke down. I have yet to be paid back. When he thinks about it he will give me $20 here or there. Been 2 yrs .
Q10. Our relationship was good in the beginning before I knew of his cheating and we moved in together. We would go out see friends socialize. Now we stay home. I feel like he misses that part of his life. The freedom to come and go and to do as he pleases without any consequences. I dont feel as if our relationship is a priority to him.
Also, what do you think is your Sexual Rank? Were you always the same weight when you guys were together? Do you think he's attracted to you?
Starting a relationship via a swingers group is problematic. On this forum you see our motto "Dangerously Monogamous". Relationships that incorporate swinging tend to fail.
Sorry, but I don't see a solution to that short of getting back into swinging, which I honestly don't see as a plus for any LTR.
I'm not sure what you mean by whats my sexual rank..
Yes I have been the same weight. I carry my weight very well. To look at me you wouldn't think I weigh this much. I have been trying to loose weight for myself but is very difficult being on the medication I am on. In my mind I dont feel as if I am who he wants anymore. He says that I am and that he loves me more then he has anyone before. But I have a hard time believing him. Actions speak louder then words.
I stopped the swinger part of our relationship when I caught him cheating. That was about 2 1/2yrs ago.
From what you describe he isn't offering you anything worth sticking around for.
He does not offer anything substantial to the relationship. And before you drop the "I love him", look at the facts. Not good with finances, check. No sex, check. Has a wandering eye, check.