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You have found an archive of the MMSL Forum, which shut down on December 27, 2016. You can continue these discussions on this forum
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Comments
His actions are a reflection of his priorities.
Every time he shoots you down for medical ask him what he plans to do about it. Talking really isn't going to solve anything.
affair (EA? PA?)
low T
porn
I will be straight with you. Even if there is no affair here, it will be a long, slow, very bumpy ride to try to turn this thing around. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you (at least mentally) break it off.
Use the MAP process to improve yourself. The nominal goal of the MAP is to outrank your partner in order to force them to change or force some resolution to the relationship problem. The real goal of the MAP is to improve yourself to the point where you have so much value and confidence that you won't accept any more bad treatment.
Your man withholds intimacy and sex, doesn't give you to feel desired or protected, doesn't contribute financially. I'm not seeing any benefit to you to keep this guy in your life.
We have gone to the Dr and asked for a complete physical and blood work. His Dr did nothing but weigh him take his blood pressure and ask what problems he was having. He told him that he has no sexdrive. So the Dr gave him a referral for therapy. I have mentioned that maybe we should see a different Dr that will be willing to listen to us and do a physical and blood work.
The level of dedication you have to this guy is way out of proportion to anything he gives to you.
Why are you with this guy?
You spent a Saturday night/morning watching TV fuming at him.
Please tell me how your life would be any worse if you decided to be single?
I'll add to the run like your hair is on fire pile on.
Yes it's probably fixable, but it's a slog, and he brings nothing to the party.
Should you opt to stay with him Serenity's book will help you immensely.
" I going to put myself in a position where I can walk away with everything I need emotionally and physically if things between us dont change."
This is not to say that a person shouldn't have interests besides their relationship. It's when the outside interests become more important than the relationship that problems develop. Such people don't understand the difference between golf/horse time and relationship time and that both need nurturing.
Right now, you are a means to an end, you are the person who takes care of all the important stuff, like work and finances, so that he has a chance to go pretend he's Arnold Palmer and chase his fantasy. Just like my horse-loving princess ex-wife.
The relationship doesn't matter to him. You don't matter to him. What he gets from the relationship - without giving anything back, allows him to do what matters to him - play golf. You are not a person to him, you are a thing.
Sensate Focus is the standard sex therapy exercise for people to get back in touch with their bodies. However a bunch of other problems need to be screened out first: medical problems, problems cause by other medications he may be taking, stress, porn, and relationship issues.
Also it doesn't seem right to introduce this, with an email, following a session that you weren't present at, so you haven't even been told about it. That's pretty much ridiculous.
Its not that I wasnt present in the last session the therapist never called me back. It pissed me off and made me feel as if it wasnt about us. They spent 5 to 10 minutes talking about us. The question asked was how often do you have sex. His answer was every 2 or 3 months. I feel that all of it is ridiculous.
Stick around here and start a thread in the running the map section.
I'm with the others here, if he isn't really bringing anything or puting any effort into the relationship, why keep him?
You said you're going to work on your weight. We'll hold you accountable to doing that. Read the fitness food and health section, lots of great info there.
You can do this as long as you have the fortitude to do so, do you?
Pick your battles. And go 100% all out.
Youre fooling yourself if you believe he's not having sex.
This relationship isn't going to work like this. I think you're wasting time with this dude. @JellyBean is very smart. This guy isn't offering u a single thing worth staying for. You should listen to her. This man your with is a huge DLV in all aspects. Stop wasting your time and be with a man who is front and centre every day and can lead.
Into Phase 3..
Those Who Dare......Win. "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."If not, I **strongly** suggest you read The Mindful Attraction Plan. The book has two sections:
- How to make yourself the best you possible. It covers everything, from getting healthy to expressing your personality.
- A 7 step plan for moving through your relationship problems. I say "moving through" because you can't always fix things ... but you can run through this plan and if the relationship dissolves, you'll know you did everything you could to fix it.
Even though we're a marriage site, nobody here would fault you if you kicked your partner out. If you don't, run both parts of a MAP — make yourself on the outside the awesome person you are inside, and resolve your relationship.By the way, giving him more of what he wants is not a solution. "Why buy a cow when the milk is free?" He already has the life he wants; he has no reason to change. As part of your MAP, you'll be providing the reason. He won't be happy ... that's part of the process.
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
Fate favors the prepared.