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New girl, everything fantastic except for one rather large issue

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Comments

  • bstrngbstrng Silver Member Posts: 54
    SallyMander said:
    Have you gone down on her? Did she like it?

    Yes. Yes.

    I'll report back. None of this makes sense. We can't keep our hands off each other, weeks of tons of PDA, kissing, petting, sex was good, tons of compability. Made nice driveby comments about my cock...
    Genuinely curious what the fuck is up. Planning on doing as suggested... So no blowjobs, what's up with that... And then STFU. I've gotten my way with more difficult women, feel like this is a glitch of some sort.
    DaddyOh
  • DaddyOhDaddyOh CTGold Men Posts: 1,589
    edited August 25
    I was under the assumption my ExGF also was not a fan of BJ's. We would do it like rabbits. I would go down on her. But she never went down. I brought this question to the forum and received a great response from @Athol_Kay "Why don't you ask her to suck your dick". 

    Next time we were intimate I told her to go down. She did, and we never even discussed it. 

    But in her case, it appears like there's an underlying issue. So you have to get to the bottom of it. 

    But if BJs are important to you, cutting bait should be on the table. You don't want to be the guy drinking beer with his buddies on a Hunting trip telling stories of how you never got a BJ from your wife.

    My buddy actually said that in regards to his GF (guys Bon Fire) There were obviously other problems in the relationship, but I could sense the resentment and bitterness. Don't be that guy. Get to the bottom of this.
    "How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live."
    RicoMiddleManAngeline
  • DaddyOhDaddyOh CTGold Men Posts: 1,589
    LadyOrTheTyger said:
    If you enjoy being with this woman and she adds value to your life beyond sex, and blow jobs are also important to you, there's no law that says you have to be exclusive with her. You can date her and enjoy sex with her and enjoy her company and also see other people. You're not married to her.  The bj discussion can be had in conjunction with the exclusivity discussion. 

    My opinion is that dating people rush too quickly into monogamy and commitment. Unless you're in a rush to marry there's nothing wrong with having your cake with this woman and getting your bjs too. You don't have to settle for a bj-free existence and you don't have to dump her. 
    Man, I would want that lifestyle. Not sure if it's feasible for the OP. Might come out insensitive if you tell you're partner "You're good honey, but I'll finish up somewhere else.
    "How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live."
    SignorePillolaRossa
  • DaddyOhDaddyOh CTGold Men Posts: 1,589
    edited August 25
    @LadyOrTheTyger agree with spinning the plates. But some guys (this guy. And I'm also getting the same vibe from OP) will pass on the "verity pack". 

    There are men, gasp, who prefer one woman-even in dating. We dont want to troll for more.

     You say spinning plates and I say text messages galore about her crappy day. Yes, they are women willing to play along with the plate theory, but there is potential for baggage. 
    "How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live."
  • LadyOrTheTygerLadyOrTheTyger EarthSilver Member Posts: 892
    It was just an outside-the-box suggested answer to OP's question. Why reject it out of hand when you're not even the OP? 
    SignorePillolaRossaAngelineMiddleManBlackwulf
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    edited December 9
    Spinning plates BEGINS with the premise that dating means meeting up with someone you find interesting for fun and/or sex, nothing more.

    Contrast that with turning a relationship (that began with how well your browser displays photos) into a mini marriage.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    LadyOrTheTygerMiddleMan
  • PaladinPaladin USASilver Member Posts: 88
    Ill be honest, I would just tell her that it would turn you on incredibly if she would give you BJ. At that point and if she is really in to you, why wouldn't she try to turn you on and blow your mind? Put the ball in her court and let her play. 

    MiddleMan42andatowelDaddyOhKatt
  • al2682al2682 CheeseheadSilver Member Posts: 535
    Angeline saId

    Contrast that with turning a relationship that began with how well your browser displays photos into a mini marriage.
    Nice rendering comment @angeline ...  It all depends on how well your browser woreks
  • dalefdalef Silver Member Posts: 1,963
    My first lover did not do BJs, although she was a divorcee, and initiated everything else, including anal. I still proposed to her, but got turned down.
  • leoslayerleoslayer NCSilver Member Posts: 1,920
    Obviously just talk to her about it. Like everyone said if it's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker.

    For me personally I could care less if a girl ever gave me a bj even just for foreplay. But that's me.
  • PaladinPaladin USASilver Member Posts: 88
    I have no clue why women dont do it. My wife, gave me them all the time,( in the car, getting out of shower, on the couch, etc)... one day, boom, no more... now recently, every time we start with a BJ. You never know until you tell her. 
  • LothbrokLothbrok vaSilver Member Posts: 310
    Just tell her you like having you head and shafts licked.  Over sell your pleasure a little (everyone likes being good at something).  Tech that's not a bj, but is a good place to start.  

     Good girls tend to get caught up in BJ's make you a slut.  Not sure why but this is what worked for my wife.  Now I get a bj whenever we hook up.
  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    Rico said:
    Slipangle said:
    It was a gradual process of escalating boundary pushing pursued only when I had her aroused. Expanding sexuality is something that happened in an aroused state.
    Serious question WRT oral - how would you boundary push in this instance? 

    I can see how the boundary pushing for anal could work.  You're already in the neighborhood, either with fingers or penis.  But how do you boundary push with oral? If you put your dick near her face, it's obvious what you're going for. There's little middle ground or plausible deniability to be had.

    It would be helpful to hear from other guys that have successfully boundary pushed in this area from an initial stance of "Hell no, get that thing away from my mouth." 
    Well, it another hole, why not try the same approach starting with your finger, graduating to a plain smothered dildo, then something more realistic, then have her licking the tip while rubbing your balls... and keep going until she begs for you to cum in her throat.

    I've gotten the best blowjob I get from my wife while I'm down on her and fingerings her ass.

    I don't think boundary pushing on oral is really about how close you can get your dick to her face. My wife was ready for my dick in her ass when I could insert my finger, which is an oversimplification, but the point is it wasn't about penile proximity. 

    I don't think a successful escalation path involves getting her to like slapping her face with your dick.

    Go down on her with you next to her so she has access, have her give you hj, when it's intense ask her to kiss it or luck it or whatever is next to escalate.

     

  • bstrngbstrng Silver Member Posts: 54
    edited September 8
    Alright folks, an update. Everything going great, sex got even better- longer, louder, more frequent. Passionate shit really. However, no progress on the BJ front. Brought it up after sex and she said she has just never done it, doesn't know what to do, and maybe she will do it one day but not now. I made it clear to her that all that made no sense to me - said I won't bring it up again but that it is important to me, and she needs to get over it. Then I walked away. This really is baffling shit to me. She is active in bed. Not exactly sure where to take it from here, but im thinking an ultimatum is in order if this doesn't resolve. I don't want to give her discussion fatigue on this so I'll let her think about it a bit. I kid you not, the compatibility is through the roof in every other area but as someone else mentioned here I refuse to be that guy who doesn't get head. Crazy thing is, she is comfortable with some ass play. But won't give head. WTF.
  • TenneeTennee Next Stop: AwesomevilleSilver Member Posts: 5,963
    Find and read the "Boundary Pushing" thread.
    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight"  Japanese Proverb

    How will you live well today?
    SaigoTakamorifordsvt
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