Shit Test #1

Lenny

I've been MAPing for about a week,  and I was thinking hard about shit test / fitness test etc and how hard they are to spot.

Just released I passed my first shit test on the day I started my MAP
#1 Wife: can you plug in my iphone,
     ME: No and I walked away to make the bed
No issues

Yesterday
#2 W: Can you make me some popcorn?
     ME: No and I walked away, did something else came back with a cup of tea, I made myself a drink so why not.
No Issues

Today
#3 ME: come over here and give me a hug
     W: gives me a hug
     ME: and a kiss
     W: and a kiss too

Normally this is hard and i get a no, or a limp hug...

So I tried my hand
ME: And now you can bring my ass back here for round 2
W: complied

Damn this vodoo shit works.  Athol is a witch doctor. 

frillyfun
SignorePillolaRossa


Thanks for the advise on the MAP thread, it works. 

Angeline

I couldn' decide between awesome and LOL

Regarding "plug in my iPhone" - really? She said it like that? Because there are TWO tests there. Does she get away with shitty tone, and does she get you to do her bidding. On the first, you snap your head around and give a hard stare, and say, 

"You want to watch the tone there."
"You want to try that again?"

Until eventually, all you have to do is say, "Tone." Or raise an eyebrow.

Regarding requests in a nice tone, but not sure if OK to fulfill - if she'd said it nicely, now all you have to decide is whether it's convenient because you're alreafy standing right next to the phone, and she's doing something like breastfeeding your heirs. Then it's OK. No need to be an asshole about it if she asked politely and you're literally right there. Otherwise, do exactly as you did. If you were headed to make the bed or do laundry, make a u-turn and go to the garage to do something loud and manly.

For extra credit, ask her to bring YOU something once she's up.  

Lenny

Normally its in a nice tone, and yes the language is normally with a please I was paraphrasing. But there is no compelling reason for me to do it. 

If I was closer / she has a good reason not to do it - no problems.

She is just outsourcing it to me so she can get to bed with less effort.

Well she was outsourcing it to me - not anymore.    

IrishGypsy

Nice work on passing those shit tests

Shit tests can be fun. My SIL was in our living room sitting under a duvet with my wife last weekend and as I strolled in she asked me to grab something that was closer to her.

I gave out an OTT laugh, walked forwards, paused for effect and then threw myself back into the sofa beside me with a HUGE shit-eating grin. Then looked at her and blew her the world's most over-exaggerated kiss.

They all laughed, my SIL got up off her lazy bum and then my wife shit-tested HER by asking her to grab her something (and she did). 

I suppose it's the "is this a reasonable request and asked in a polite manner?" Question you need to ask yourself.

They're not always as easy to spot though. 

SaigoTakamori

Ba Bam

Lenny

@ Angeline

Wife asked for a tea, she was standing next the the kettle.

So I asked for something inappropriately large (can't remember) for payment - big shit grin - then asked for a coffee.

It worked.

Damn this voodoo magic - but it works. 

Angeline

SallyMander

It sounds like your wife's Love Language is Acts of Service. You will get big gains in relationship comfort/good beta by doing something small but thoughtful in that vein as a surprise. 

(Defense is great, but don't forget about offense, on your terms.)

Lenny

@SallyMander That's good advice but hard for me. I'm trying to separate out shit test, fitness tests and my wife's love language, which at the moment all look the same. In the past I've done to much, typical NG, and now I need to wind it back. Hard balancing act at the moment. Earning the captain stripes will not be easy and it will take time. But it will earn them.

Lenny

Mother of all shit tests today, 

Last night I wonder upstairs with a tea for my wife, because I was getting myself something. No Biggie.
W: but you didn't ask if I wanted anything else. 
L: Big smile - I know enjoy your tea- and walked off, STFU, went and did something else. (Yeah, not A&A enough, I think I stuffed it) 

Well today was productive because W not talking to me.

Angeline

Next time pick the tea back up and take it downstairs, and do not waver, no matter the apologies or "but I didn't mean anything". 

fredless

Lenny said:

Mother of all shit tests today, 

Last night I wonder upstairs with a tea for my wife, because I was getting myself something. No Biggie.
W: but you didn't ask if I wanted anything else. 
L: Big smile - I know enjoy your tea- and walked off, STFU, went and did something else. (Yeah, not A&A enough, I think I stuffed it) 

Well today was productive because W not talking to me.

Angeline said:

Next time pick the tea back up and take it downstairs, and do not waver, no matter the apologies or "but I didn't mean anything". 

I would have gone a different way.  I would have taken out my penis and initiated sex.  If she accepted, we have sex and shit test conquered.  If she had rejected, I would have said with a smirk, "Damned if I do, damned if I don't." And then I'd have chuckled and left the room.

DaddyOh

Agree with the previous posts on how to handle the shit test. 

But am I the only one that thinks this is more than a shit test? When did this entitlement come from? It's equivalent to receiving a free gift but asking for more. 

I know people in wheel chairs who would do anything to walk downstairs for tea. I'm sorry, but the first thing out of your wife's mouth should be "Thank you" and the next "sweetheart"

If I got your wife's response, I would've put the Tea out of her reach (she would've had to get up and get it). 

Sorry for the rant. Entitlement is a pet peeve of mine 

forestleaf

She does sound like an entitled princess, but it also sounds like you've perpetuated this attitude until now.  Good job on recognizing how to stop this.  

I'm going to disagree with @fredless' approach which seems to involve some sort of showing her who's boss with your dick.  If your wife loves that kind of thing, then great, go for it.  Sounds like it works for fredless, and I'd bet he and his wife have a wholly different dynamic than you do with yours.  If your wife isn't into that kind of thing, I'd strongly suggest against it.   

fredless

@forestleaf said:

She does sound like an entitled princess, but it also sounds like you've perpetuated this attitude until now.  Good job on recognizing how to stop this.  

I'm going to disagree with fredless' approach which seems to involve some sort of showing her who's boss with your dick.  If your wife loves that kind of thing, then great, go for it.  Sounds like it works for fredless, and I'd bet he and his wife have a wholly different dynamic than you do with yours.  If your wife isn't into that kind of thing, I'd strongly suggest against it.   

Here's the thing...he has to respond with what works best for him--his frame.  If he's comfortable with that response, he can pull it off irrespective of his wife's reaction.  He will be in his frame and his wife becoming angry will not effect him.  In fact, it might be good for his wife to become angry at him and for both of them to see that her anger has no effect upon him.

I think that too often, husbands worry too much about how their wives will react to their 'approach.'  Now, I'm not saying that a husband should be a prick, but the response I would have gone with is not the response of a prick. 

Lenny

I've enabled the 'princess' for too long. 

@fredless - like your style, not mine. Confidence at the moment to low to pull that off + shark week....

I'm starting the journey of not giving a shit to my W reaction around these things.  

Lenny

@forestleaf- yeah I made the princess, Its been going a long time.  It's hard to realize that you made the W into a princess and now I need to essentially break down what I built up. 

I get where @fredless is coming from, actions beget actions, if your going to A&A then go for gold not silver.  

@DaddyOh
I made the mess over time - now i need to fix it.  Entitlement or otherwise, I let it get to this point - In fact I was responsible to it being at this point. 
I've added this to my map & an action plan of how I plan to handle the situation going forward. 

@Angeline
Good advice



I see this sitting as a red in my map for while & most likely on my monkeys.  It's taken years to get to the point, it ain't going away in a weekend.  MAP's away.
 
 

fredless

Lenny said:

I've enabled the 'princess' for too long. 

fredless - like your style, not mine. Confidence at the moment to low to pull that off + shark week....

I'm starting the journey of not giving a shit to my W reaction around these things.  

Keep it in your back pocket for when your confidence is where it should be.  And don't let shark week stop that type of A&A.  After all, she has a mouth...

CartB4Horse

Lenny said:  

Last night I wonder upstairs with a tea for my wife, because I was getting myself something. No Biggie.

That ^^^^ was an Act of Service.  You did something nice for your wife without being asked.

My wife is an AoS girl herself, my doing things for her makes her feel loved.

forestleaf

CartB4Horse said:

Lenny said:  

Last night I wonder upstairs with a tea for my wife, because I was getting myself something. No Biggie.

That ^^^^ was an Act of Service.  You did something nice for your wife without being asked.

My wife is an AoS girl herself, my doing things for her makes her feel loved.

Yes I agree, and don't let that part of you go away.  If she's become entitled, it's because you've given and given, and she keeps taking, assuming the giving won't ever stop.  It's become a character flaw for both of you.  But don't take the "asshole" path and act like a jerk when she asks you for something.  Just be firm and say "no" without harsh words.  I think you're on the right track.

Lenny

I Channelled my inner @fredless today. We have snakes where we live. My W went for a walk, I asked if she saw any W - no, Me; well I have one - big grin Got a put that away, with a smile. Fredless your tips are gold