I feel like I am being punished?????

2

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  • HildaCornersHildaCorners Winter? You call *that* winter?Gold Women Posts: 3,377
    CallmeCat said:
     I wish I could find a movie with a scene  of what I mean we would have to watch it a few times, and yea no porn he's had issues with that in the past.
    One of my favorites along this vein is The Thomas Crown Affair, the version with Pierce Brosnan. R rated, no BDSM but dominance (and male alpha), and plenty of action/adventure so it doesn't read as a chick flick. Watch it by yourself first to see if it will work for you.

    When it first came out, some friends and I talked about "marble staircase men" — men who were so sexy we'd happily be bottom on a marble staircase. We had some fun debates on *who* our personal marble staircase men were.

    Enneagram 5w4.  I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.

    "I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
    CallmeCat
  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236
    @amblrgirl  you know we did do that mojo test and have done a couple things from that but not much and he has weak execution so that's a problem. I will have to refer to it again and say hey let's do x it's on the list you know.
    @ Hildacorners Thanks for your input I will go see if Netflix has that movie and watch if they do. If you think of any others let me know. YUm Peirce Brosnon.
  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236
    @Mongrel you know I asked him to pI'll my hair once a while back now mine is not quite long enough for a real pony tail but long enough for a good yank and he kind of freaked out, he did it just barely gently of course and has not done it since. Maybe I will let that be something I ask for again and see what happens.
    As for the mouth fuck, a similar scenario,  I was giving BJ and he grabbed my head and started to get rougher which was fine but he gagged me and when I come up for air he stopped and apologized and I said it was fine as alot of times I stop for air but I know as well as I am sitting here it bothered him as he has not touched my head again during oral. I quite liked it and I always tell him I will let you know if I don't want or don't like something and I would too. 
    Occasionally when I give BJ he will say how aboit a facial and that's a boundary I won't cross and he knows it but he grins while asking and I am sure in the back of his mind he thinks it may happen some day but not likely. With that being said he can spank me, pull my hair ,talk dirty, throw me around and bite me too  and that would be fun, now just getting him to do it. I have read lots of good suggestions and that's why I posted all the people on here can be really helpful.
  • MongrelMongrel Pennsylvania, USASilver Member Posts: 1,869
    You remind me a bit of my wife, LOL.

    I've lobbied for facials or just spitting out and letting it dribble. My kink, not for everyone. You should never do something you don't want to do but...if there is something you aren't wild about but are willing to do that would help him see you as a little more dirty/slutty and less as the mother of his children it may help motivate him to do things you want. If Mrs M would ever ask me to cum on her face for a finish I'd be up for any other nasty stuff she would suggest. I'm not telling you to do this particular thing, just using it as an example.
    "If you're not happy with your life, you've got to identify why, and do something about it." -- Mandrill
    "Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
    Link to triage questions:  http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/


    MiddleManTruman
  • wanderingTheDesertwanderingTheDesert Desert SWSilver Member Posts: 219
    @CallmeCat your verbal requests may be no heard as well as you'd like. You may have better luck with a more hands on approach. If you want him to pull your hair, put his hand up there and ask him to pull, then squeal in pleasure. Same for the healnholding during a BJ. Pt his hand on your head and show him how to guide you--no words necessary.  

    Also, if he's the kind of guy that you can tease into a frenzy, that may be your approach to get him more amped up. I'm thinking lingerie and a little tease and denial play to get him all charged up and set him loose on you. 

    Lastly, realize how much you may be asking of him. After all, you're asking him to change the way he has sex, which can really ruin a guys confidence. You've even asked him to change how he receives a blowjob; in all likelihood, he thought a BJ was more about his pleasure. I don't mean to indicate you're in the wrong, but you are asking a lot.  Be prepared for some hesitation and maybe even a miss or two along the way. The only request of his that you mentioned was for a facial, which you seem set against. It may be constructive to give him something he wants, too. Don't fly past your boundaries, but consider where you can meet him. For a guy who likes to er… see his work, maybe ejaculating on your breasts would be a good stand in. If fluids aren't in play, maybe find another area to explore. That kind of stuff could be a really powerful reward for him upping the dominance. 
    MiddleMan
  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236
    @wanderingTheDesert I know asking for sex on a more dominant way is probably not great for his ego and that is the last thing I am trying to do believe me so I will choose my words carefully and will try to always give praise when he does something a bit more bold. I did not try and change the way his BJ went down I was just mentioning  how he grabbed my head, I did not ask him  too. Yes I realise that is for his pleasure mostly  I do enjoy giving them as I know how much he likes it but he usually cuts it off before I stop, I think he just does not want to finish too quick. When I do a bjtc I allow him to put it where he wants on my breast or stomach just not my face. 
    @Husband3point0 so basically your saying to just ask for specifics right? Don't just say dominance? I will try to do that just a little at a time. I know I don't want to overwelm him and that he is programmed to be a nice guy. 
    CartB4Horse
  • MissDMissD On your leftGold Women Posts: 111
    My $0.02 (cdn!): 

    You should talk to him - have you discussed the post-O headaches with him?  Does he he know they're not his fault and you're working on a solution?

    B/c you really like the way he can make you O?  >:)
  • HildaCornersHildaCorners Winter? You call *that* winter?Gold Women Posts: 3,377
    And don't forget positive reinforcement!

    When he moves a half-inch closer to what you want, moan in pleasure during, and after, tell him how much you enjoyed it. Repeat until the half-inch movement is typical, and slack off a bit on the reward, until ...

    ... you get him to move an inch closer. [For example, instead of merely putting his hand on your head, he gently grabs your hair.] Again, out come all the reinforcements.

    Keep ramping up as he gradually adds more of the things you want. It's like training a dog to do complex tricks, you reward any progress toward the goal — and ignore backsliding. That's important too.

    Because he's not a dog, eventually he'll get the message that you like rough, and he'll start adding his own creative touches. At which point the rewarding goes off the charts.

    Enneagram 5w4.  I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.

    "I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
    CallmeCatMiddleManCrashaxe
  • LothbrokLothbrok vaSilver Member Posts: 310
    I would make it clear your not puting down is abilities in bed.  You just asking him to change up his style. If you can draw on thing he has done in the past all the better for his ego.
    Based on your other post he has done things that have really turned you on.  Nothing wrong with grabbing is junk and asking if he needs to go make a drink, add a wink and a devilish grin.  Or you could mention you had a hot dream of when you did xyz to me that one time could you do that to me again.

    I like the idea mentioned above about putting his hands where you want them. Make sure he knows you will speak up of it hurts.  If he thinks he hurt you and stops(in bj pushing head down).  Make sure you tell him your okay and how hot you thought it was. This will let him know he still has a green light.


    CallmeCatAngelineIrishGypsy
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    Husband3point0 said:

    I honestly wonder if Angeline is alluding to my story with this, TBH. Because it was epic bad for quite a while...
    Nope, this is just good ground rules for trying out taboo-ish fantasies and naughtier sex than you're accustomed to. Not only is it a Nice Guy fear to hurt you, it's also explosive TNT in the hands of a vindictive spouse. Women who want their guy to "man up" need to realize that.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    JellyBean
  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236
    @Lothbrok some good tips for sure and I may try what you said about the drink, he did that one all on his own and it was hot and I positively reinforced that a couple of times afterwards.  Also with the BJ he was the one that grabbed my head and I didn't mind at all but when I gagged a bit he quit and I did sat it was okay I was just catching my breath. But he didn't put his hands back on my head so I will take your advice @Angeline and place them the next time. He tends to stop oral after not too long. Lots of good suggestions. I can't imagine a husband getting vindictive when askin for rougher sex but I saw a scene play out like that in a episode of masters of sex it was freaky for sure. @MissD. I don't think he thought I was blaming him for the headache I actually think it kinda made him grin that my o was that intense,and he mostly got me there.
    AngelineMissD
  • LothbrokLothbrok vaSilver Member Posts: 310
    There us a big difference between saying something is "it okay I just needed to catch my breath" and "that was hot keep going, I just needed to catch my breath".  Then putting his hands back on you head.  You don't want to be subtle, we are not very good at picking that up.  There needs to be no doubt in his mind that you into what he is doing.

    I had trouble with my wife because she got very quiet when i was getting  her closr to O.  Since i wasnt getting feed back i would move on to something else and she would miss the O.  Figured this out when I just started doing what I want, and letting her O be on her.  My wife thought she was making it clear as day and didn't want to say something that would hurt my feelings.




  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236






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