Look man, this really sucks, we get it. That up there ^^? It's either a rant or you're completely in her frame.
Do. Your. Own. Thing. Go out, have fun with the guys, work on that fixer upper you have in your garage or whatever 'guy' thing you like to do and forget about her. Lift heavy, lose weight if needed. Dress nice, keep your hair cut/looking sharp, wear cologne. That fishing/hunting trip the guys have stopped asking you to go on? Yeah, go this year, plan the damn thing if need be.
Thing is you run your MAP for YOU, not for her, not for sex. Doing your own thing isn't easy, it's hard. I've been there, hell, I may still be there. What would you do if she wasn't home when you got home from work? What if she just wasn't there? Do THAT.
Obviously don't blow off your kids or shirk what you need to do but fuck the rest. And STFU about sex, she doesn't hear you.
Take ACTION, work on YOU for YOU.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Hell, we stayed overnight in a hotel by ourselves (no kids). Took her out to dinner. Nothing. (probably a covert contract)
Definitely a covert contract.
To be honest, comparing a month ago to now, it sounds like either - the sex is not good for her, or - something else is annoying her and she's not saying.
Enneagram type 5 w6.
If I offer lots of advice, it's probably really me giving advice to myself. That always seems to happen.
A lot of that above is just a rant. Needed to let off steam. I am going on forward. Doing my thing. Taking care of what needs to be done. Whatever happens, happens. I cannot control anyone but me. Thanks for the redirect.
@billsfan99 - We're pulling for you buddy, but you have got to MAP long term. Along the way you will have success (like you did in early November), failures and more than a few times to start over.
Like I've said before, MAP long term, write down some Monkeys and knock off the low hanging fruit.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
MAPing is a fucking HUGE energy sink. I totally get how you feel. Ive, finally - and thankfully, put sex at the bottom of my MAP.
My wife once said something very insightful that has stuck with me and is helping to keep me sane right now (see my MAP):
"I need to know you could manage the house and kids if I weren't around anymore" (I.e. dead).
So go do that. Manage you and your kids life as if they depend on it (because, they do).
Go out in the evenings and learn some new skills. Cooking classes, DIY, woodworking, Krav Maga, anything that gives you a positive confidence boost. And just go and do it once the kids are cared for and all essential household chores are done.
You'll know when you're making a difference the day she looks up from her phone and sees this well-dressed, nice smelling, muscular man walking around her house. And then she realises all of a sudden, that the stranger is her husband. Being fucking awesome. And maybe, just maybe, shell enter your orbit for a change.
What have you got to lose by trying? Best of luck.
Comments
Do. Your. Own. Thing. Go out, have fun with the guys, work on that fixer upper you have in your garage or whatever 'guy' thing you like to do and forget about her. Lift heavy, lose weight if needed. Dress nice, keep your hair cut/looking sharp, wear cologne. That fishing/hunting trip the guys have stopped asking you to go on? Yeah, go this year, plan the damn thing if need be.
Thing is you run your MAP for YOU, not for her, not for sex. Doing your own thing isn't easy, it's hard. I've been there, hell, I may still be there. What would you do if she wasn't home when you got home from work? What if she just wasn't there? Do THAT.
Obviously don't blow off your kids or shirk what you need to do but fuck the rest. And STFU about sex, she doesn't hear you.
Take ACTION, work on YOU for YOU.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
My MAP: http://marriedmansexlife.vanillacommunities.com/discussion/14002/samson-map#latest
Personality type: “The Logician” (INTP-A)
Enneagram 9w1
Definitely a covert contract.
To be honest, comparing a month ago to now, it sounds like either
- the sex is not good for her, or
- something else is annoying her and she's not saying.
Like I've said before, MAP long term, write down some Monkeys and knock off the low hanging fruit.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
My wife once said something very insightful that has stuck with me and is helping to keep me sane right now (see my MAP):
"I need to know you could manage the house and kids if I weren't around anymore" (I.e. dead).
So go do that. Manage you and your kids life as if they depend on it (because, they do).
Go out in the evenings and learn some new skills. Cooking classes, DIY, woodworking, Krav Maga, anything that gives you a positive confidence boost. And just go and do it once the kids are cared for and all essential household chores are done.
You'll know when you're making a difference the day she looks up from her phone and sees this well-dressed, nice smelling, muscular man walking around her house. And then she realises all of a sudden, that the stranger is her husband. Being fucking awesome. And maybe, just maybe, shell enter your orbit for a change.
What have you got to lose by trying? Best of luck.