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Wifey hasn't noticed
Caveman
In my cave down the blockMember Posts: 64
For those of you that have been working out consistently and have made some noticeable positive changes to your physique have any of your spouses not noticed or made in positive comments to acknowledge that claim? I have been working out mostly consistently for the past six months again and my diet has been decent (could be better) and CW has not made one single comment regarding my hard work. Oh she'll throw in an occasional "sexy" throughout the day when she wants me to take her to pound town but no direct acknowledgement regarding the weight lifting and diet. Now I know I have made some positive changes with added muscle and I've had several co-workers and colleagues take notice (mostly men I work in a male dominated profession) but not the wife which is a head scratcher. I don't need her validation but it would be nice to hear it from her every now and again.
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He was noticing changes in his body and I ignored them, refused to acknowledge them verbally. Then other people started noticing he'd lost some weight. I still said nothing. Occasionally, H would flex or say something about his progress and I would shrug it off.
I think there are a few reasons I did that, maybe one (or some or none) of them are playing out in your situation, too.
- I did not respect his increasing fitness levels until he reached my minimum threshold for physical attraction.
- I didn't believe he would stick with it, so I refused to get excited about it.
- He wasn't as fit as me yet, so I knew I was still working harder and capable of more than him (can't remember your wife's fitness levels, so this one may be easy to rule out for you.) I wasn't going to give him kudos for doing something I had already been doing for months and was doing more consistently than him.
- This sounds terrible, but I recognize now that I could not respect H in this aspect until he was lifting much heavier than me and was also more knowledgeable than me on form/technique in at least some areas. This likely has to do with my specific brands of attraction, though.
- I was nervous he would become more fit and attractive than me, upsetting the relationship dynamics.
- I didn't want him getting a big head (for reasons similar to above - I wanted to maintain my power in the relationship).
- I generally didn't like him very much, was often frustrated and angry with him, and simply didn't feel like paying him a compliment.
- I was annoyed by his occasional flexing, complimenting himself, mentioning others' compliments to me, because it felt like he was fishing for my validation/compliments. He was pretty subtle and it only happened a few times, but it was enough to make me even less likely to acknowledge his physical improvements.
Now all of that is pretty ugly and I hate acknowledging all those thoughts I had. But it's honest, that's where I was and where our relationship was at that time. It's better now and I regularly compliment H on his workouts, physical improvements, and muscles.
One last thing...
You may not need her validation, but this bothered you enough to post about it. There's probably some lingering validation-seeking (even if it's only in your head) that you need to tackle. Completely understandable, just something for you to think about.
Fitocracy: atxchick
Enneagram 6w5, married to a 5
My wife has lost a ton of weight over the course of our relationship (nearly 100 pounds) hell we both have (I lost 50 pounds myself). Even though she has lost weight she does not workout. I guess I would be the "fitter" of the t@amblrgirl
You might be on to something about not wanting me to get the big head. She is not against me working out but her not saying anything is strange to me. As far as her being worried about me becoming more fit and attractive than her, the jury is still out on that. However she has been making these occasional comments about some of my workouts seeming to be longer than "normal" so this could be evidence that her hamster is working overtime about my level of "sexiness".
@ Rorschach naw she is very keen to physical appearance.
Since I've been hitting the weights for 20 years, I just cant bring myself to say anything to him about his improved fitness, when he hasn't been doing it long and I had to strong arm him into it.
Also, fitness is basically just selfcare for physicality people. To me, since he is at the minimum threshold for attractiveness (to me), it would be like I was giving him accolades for tying his shoes or brushing his teeth.
He doesn't compliment my body either and plenty of other people do. I don't find it all that odd.
All whilst her weight is on the increase. I've also learned that physicality isn't especially high on her brands of attraction scale.
But I got into shape for me, and the IOI's have been pretty noticeable from other women, so if my wife wants to try to sabotage my efforts to make her lack of working out feel like less of a DLV, then that's up to her. I'm not bothered.
He also told me over and over that he has always found my body sexy and always will no matter what it looks like (and I call BS on that, sir).
Now that fitness has become a real part of my life, he's much more on board and he does indeed notice.
You'll know it's working when she starts baking cookies by the dozens......
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Just proceed with your awesomeness CM.
How will you live well today?
They are nice, but they're not slim fitting. No problem, she's just given me a challenge to make my "belly stick out" in these by hitting the weights harder and making my muscles even more pronouned. Time to outgrow these new jumpers?
Challenge accepted!!!
telyni at gmail
Now, my best friend has a sick sense of humor. His wife? Very conservative. She doesnt post this stuff ever.
Chucking it up to heavier weights and less cardio.
</off topic>
Do I thank him before or after I poke him in the eye with a fork?
W: Oh my God! You have a tumor!
Me: What? Where?
Wife takes my hand and guides it to my hip.
Me: *rolling eyes* That's my hip bone....
She also complains that she can't lean on me anymore because my ribs are 'too bony'
Doesn't stop her from feeling my chest though
She hasn't started baking cookies yet but has mentioned it.....
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl