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Not sure how to handle this ...

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  • MrsBMrsB United StatesSilver Member Posts: 328
    Specifically what does she say or do to indicate a hard no?

  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    Last time it was:

    "No. What is wrong with you. Why can't I just relax with you without it leading to sex. You are selfish and only think about yourself."


  • OneEyedDrunkOneEyedDrunk Out West Silver Member Posts: 1,808
    monkeydog said:
    Last time it was:

    "No. What is wrong with you. Why can't I just relax with you without it leading to sex. You are selfish and only think about yourself."


    You need to be funny when she does this. Never be serious. Look at her when she does that, and tell her something like "I don't know. You're just doing something to me". Then look at her like she's a piece of meat. Smile. She may be mad. She may not be mad after that. Try not to quit smiling until she starts smiling. The key is to be joking about it. When she says all you want is sex, then you tell her not only. I want pizza, chockodiles, a Ferrari, and to learn how to skydive. Don't let up. Obviously do not pursue to try and have sex, but don't play her game. 
    oneeyeddrunk.weebly.com
  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    I am all over it, I played it right that night and yesterday. 

    I need to let her come to me tonight for affection, attention etc

    She will.




  • MrsBMrsB United StatesSilver Member Posts: 328
    monkeydog said:
    Last time it was:

    "No. What is wrong with you. Why can't I just relax with you without it leading to sex. You are selfish and only think about yourself."


    How does she have time to talk so much while you're kissing her passionately? I may be totally off base here, but my instinct is telling me that you are allowing too much time to pass while escalating. Try initiating with more determination. No space, no time lapses, no opportunities for verbal anything. What ever you do, don't stop and go brush your teeth, or let out the dog or anything. If she pushes you back and gives a firm no, obviously stop.
    As a woman, I want to be taken. If i have an opportunity to speak I'm not turned on enough. 
    AdamBecker
  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    I did go in for the kiss, but she turned her head down and away and then started with the hamstering.
  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    Guys, I know what I dd wrong. It was a poorly timed and executed initiation for the all the wrong reasons.

    I am really looking for advice on tonight, which I am playing super cool. If anyone disagrees, let me know.

    Thanks!

    </attentionwhoring>
    Angeline
  • forestleafforestleaf At the farmGold Women Posts: 1,703
    How much time do you spend with her during which you are not thinking about/hoping for sex (legitimate question, not criticism)?
    MissD
  • OneEyedDrunkOneEyedDrunk Out West Silver Member Posts: 1,808
    Look, this isn't the place where we give you pick up lines each night to try and seduce your wife. Come on man! You seem like you just don't have any idea on this. Have you read the Primer? Look, one piece of advice is to emulate someone that is alpha. Don Draper. Han Solo. Someone. Who is your role model? Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights and Han Solo seem to work for me. Yours is yours. 

    Stop trying to have us catch your fish. Teach yourself to fish with the strategies. I get the impression that you just get frustrated or pissed off when she turns you down. I made that assumption by the things your wife says. It tells me you aren't being cool about things when she turns you down. It also tells me she she's not attracted to you. 

    It took me a while before I got it. My wife has some attraction issues with me. About 50% of the time it's duty sex, and the over 50% it's real attraction. Sometime my wife is not in the mood,  and my positive attitude and stupid things I say to her puts her over the line. Her panties come off. I get laid. This could be you. 

    Use the strategies. Take a look at the "Shit I Say" thread on here which might give some ideas of what to say. We're here to help you, but you need to help yourself. 

    Heres what I would love to see on your response. You have the opportunity this weekend to get laid. Use the methods. Attempt to initiate. Tease her. Be playful. When she tells you no, then don't quite give up. Tell her it's her loss. Remind her of what she's missing. "Ok babe, I guess I can't lick you tonight. Too bad" (grinning). You would be surprised how many times I've taken that stance, and my wife looks up and decides to have sex. 

    You just need to try it. Don't get frustrated. My guess is your wife sees it. You probably can be read by her a mile away. Work on that and report back here on how it goes this weekend. Good luck! 
    oneeyeddrunk.weebly.com
    Husband3point0MissD
  • Husband3point0Husband3point0 Gold Men Posts: 3,294
    He isn't looking for pickup lines! He is trying to get confirmation from people here that withdrawing a little and expecting her to come to him is an ok plan. He wants to make sure that we don't think that's putting her in the drivers seat too much and still retains the yoke of leadership by drawing her to him. 

    My response is -- possibly, but I can't be sure. Obviously there's value in both sides of "push pull game" otherwise it wouldn't exist. But, as to whether or not now is the right time to pull the trigger on that for you specifically... I honestly can't say.

    My only fear would be that you've been drawn a bit too much into her setting the tone a bit, which has resulted in you riding her emotional roller coaster rather than her being drawn into your stability and frame instead. 

    The Q that I would put to you would be -- how confident are you that you can pull that off while drawing her into your frame as opposed to being pulled into hers? I may be wrong, but that to me seems like the key Q. 
    AV8ormonkeydog
  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    @Husband3point0 is correct. Not looking for lines, but rather want to avoid a DLV by coming on too strong and looking too needy or appearing to withdraw and therefore looking butthurt.

    I am not or was not pissed at last rejection, but not thrilled about the 2 day lecture about it.

    Anyway, Joe Cool worked fine for a good night and getting her into my frame. Would have initiated but the slimmer me is now a lightweight and I passed out after 3 glasses of wine.

    Bedroom door was locked when I woke up, so I suspect she came to bed looking for fun time.

    I passed on morning sex (got the ass grind) and opted for snuggles this morning as I felt gross and had to take a dump.

    I will bring it tonight.
    AngelineRorschach42andatowel
  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    edited November 5
    @forestleaf, I was being flippant.

    Also, an edit to the above. I didn't turn down sex this morning, I just didn't initiate on a green light because I was feeling gross.

    Wife and I do lots of things together without the expectation of sex -- even if I have it on the brain the whole time.

    We've been homebodies the last couple of weeks due to travel, some big events and generally being busy.

    I have and am making a concerted effort not to have covert contracts or anything like that.

    Today we are going out to look at architectural salvage for some shelves I am building and will have a nice lunch too.

    Going to watch football together later. FOOTBALL! There,  I found a time when I am not thinking about sex.

    :smile:
    AngelineBlackwulf
  • monkeydogmonkeydog KansasSilver Member Posts: 415
    ...and I locked the keys in the car, not a good start to errand day. 
    IrishGypsyAngelineSallyMander42andatowel
  • MissDMissD On your leftGold Women Posts: 111
    If he gets an ass grind in the morning, that's a very overt initiation on my part...

    I want slow and sensual (I wonder how many of you would call it  starfish?), lazy sex with Os all around.

    Don't get me wrong - I love poundtown too. But morning sex just isn't the time, IMO.

    (I don't care if he/me/we feels gross and chances are I will have to get up to empty my bladder at some point. We both assume there's no rush.... Take the time to deal with pits/smelly parts and freshen up!)

    Nothing hits my AoS/RC like being left in a puddle while knowing he will take care of morning duties. And brings me a coffee just to my liking...  :)

    Are you mixing it up in the bedroom? 
    monkeydog
  • fordsvtfordsvt Canada Eh!Silver Member Posts: 2,300
    Including crotchless briefs and boxers
    what a stud.  Lol

    Into Phase 3..

    Those Who Dare......Win.   "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."

    monkeydog42andatowel
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