Update From Dr Strangelove

24

Comments

  • HildaCornersHildaCorners Winter? You call *that* winter?Gold Women Posts: 3,377
    edited November 22
    You know I thought I had a handle on her mental state. After this weekend I realized I have no clue what planet she's on. I'm concerned about her being served, she might totally lose her shit if someone hands her papers. 
    Which is why restraining orders are served by a team of police, with you (and the kids) kept at a distance and protected by yet another officer.

    At least that's how my town does it ... <town's> finest wouldn't let me into my house until my then husband was escorted out.

    Or did you mean divorce papers? You can arrange with the server (also an officer in my area) to find a time when there's nobody around ... or you can hire off-duty police to make the service. If she's likely to do the latter, I'd definitely hire an officer.

    Enneagram 5w4.  I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.

    "I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
    IrishGypsy
  • drstrangelovedrstrangelove Silver Member Posts: 2,290
    Adam_S said:
    Blackwulf said:
    I am really concerned about your children.  

    Is her mental state well enough where all of her anger is just directed at you? 
    You know I thought I had a handle on her mental state. After this weekend I realized I have no clue what planet she's on. I'm concerned about her being served, she might totally lose her shit if someone hands her papers. 

    Wait, so she doesn't even know about the divorce yet? This is just normal, background level crazy?
    Yeah dude, this is just a regular Tuesday around here. 
    Winter
  • drstrangelovedrstrangelove Silver Member Posts: 2,290
    You know I thought I had a handle on her mental state. After this weekend I realized I have no clue what planet she's on. I'm concerned about her being served, she might totally lose her shit if someone hands her papers. 
    Which is why restraining orders are served by a team of police, with you (and the kids) kept at a distance and protected by yet another officer.

    At least that's how my town does it ... <town's> finest wouldn't let me into my house until my then husband was escorted out.

    Or did you mean divorce papers? You can arrange with the server (also an officer in my area) to find a time when there's nobody around ... or you can hire off-duty police to make the service. If she's likely to do the latter, I'd definitely hire an officer.
    Lawyer said it's best to use a plain clothed professional as it is less dramatic than an officer and will hopefully set the tone for a less conflicting divorce process. The day she does get served I might stay in a hotel for the night 
  • Adam_SAdam_S Queenslander!Silver Member Posts: 1,893
    Adam_S said:
    Blackwulf said:
    I am really concerned about your children.  

    Is her mental state well enough where all of her anger is just directed at you? 
    You know I thought I had a handle on her mental state. After this weekend I realized I have no clue what planet she's on. I'm concerned about her being served, she might totally lose her shit if someone hands her papers. 

    Wait, so she doesn't even know about the divorce yet? This is just normal, background level crazy?
    Yeah dude, this is just a regular Tuesday around here. 
    Just....wow. So what's the time scale here? How long until you're free from all this?

    "But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love." - Bill Hicks

  • HildaCornersHildaCorners Winter? You call *that* winter?Gold Women Posts: 3,377
    Lawyer said it's best to use a plain clothed professional as it is less dramatic than an officer and will hopefully set the tone for a less conflicting divorce process. The day she does get served I might take the kids with me to a fun activity and we all stay in a hotel for the night 
    FTFY

    Doc, there are several of us who are seriously worried about your kids. Please let us know you are doing everything you can to keep them safe.


    Enneagram 5w4.  I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.

    "I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
    AngelineKatt
  • JellyBeanJellyBean Sunny SoCalGold Women Posts: 5,054
    Was there a specific incident that pushed you past your tolerance limit? Or just a realization that it would never improve to meet your needs?
    Enneagram type 9w1
  • fordsvtfordsvt Canada Eh!Silver Member Posts: 2,300
    You need to stay the course @drstrangelove
    Violence is no answer and if she's resorting to hitting and punching you ?  That's a major red flag dude.  Good on you for showing restraint and not retaliating.  You're right zero respect means zero chance to make it work.   
    Does she hit the kids too?   

    Into Phase 3..

    Those Who Dare......Win.   "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."

  • drstrangelovedrstrangelove Silver Member Posts: 2,290
    JellyBean said:
    DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR STBX'S SISTER!

    My ex married his brother's ex fiancée. It is exactly as weird as you imagine it. 

    You're doing the right thing. Good luck as you break the news. 
    Haha I am not getting involved with her. Just a range of emotions on this one: excited to be wanted, red flag that she would jump on her sisters husband so quick how fucked up is she, curious because I've always wondered what's underneath those clothes, optimistic for what potential lies out there for me post divorce, and weirded out by the prospect of fallout if we actually followed through on this. 

    The situation you describe with your ex sounds really sketchy, I could imagine being at my parents or hers down the road with the "other sister" as a partner. 

    Plus, the goals I have been setting for myself post divorce besides being an awesome dad don't even include seeking dates at this point. I am looking to expand my comfort zone and do things I haven't done or always wanted to pursue. Examples:

    -get a set list together and start locally performing acoustic solo or even join a band. I was in several bands in HS and college and kind of gave all that up. After a year of struggling, within the last week my signing voice just came back out of nowhere! wohoo!
    -get back into jiu jitsu. I gave that up for full time parenting last year
    -take a stand up comedy course and perform
    -sign up for ministries at church
    -devote more time to my business gig and see if I can quit my daytime job
    -travel more for work as that leads to more income usually 
    -consider a career change to public speaker, pastor, motivator etc perhaps get a masters in bible exposition 
    -meet as many people outside my comfort zone as possible. 
    -try new stuff, be open.


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