Ultimatum A/B Whose Choice Was It

Kickboxer

I made a comment on a thread that the original poster had chose to  leave and needs to own that choice. There is disagreement on that point since the OP gave the A/B Ultimatum and the spouse chose to divorce. 

I see it as when you give someone a choice you are choosing to live with whatever they decide. From the alpha leader role then you are saying either decision is acceptable. Thus you made the decision even if the other person chose the less desirable option. It doesn't matter who made the last decision. The chain of events was set in motion by the leader and is their responsibility. I see it as an avoidance strategy to put it all on the other person. 

So I made a new thread to not derail that thread. 

Thoughts? 

Angeline

The need to assign fault or blame is a distraction from the point that both people get to decide whether they want to be in the relationship. It only matters that both people see that they have a choice. 

samson

Kickboxer said:

I made a comment on a thread that the original poster had chose to  leave and needs to own that choice. There is disagreement on that point since the OP gave the A/B Ultimatum and the spouse chose to divorce. 

I see it as when you give someone a choice you are choosing to live with whatever they decide. From the alpha leader role then you are saying either decision is acceptable. Thus you made the decision even if the other person chose the less desirable option. It doesn't matter who made the last decision. The chain of events was set in motion by the leader and is their responsibility. I see it as an avoidance strategy to put it all on the other person. 

So I made a new thread to not derail that thread. 

Thoughts? 

You missed the important first step.  Choosing to give them choices that are acceptable to you.

If one of the a/b options you give is sub optimal to you, then you presented the wrong choices.

Beans

@Kickboxer

Remember that a choice was made that led to the A/B...that didn't come out of no where.

In my case, it was her choice to be dishonest and her choice not to put in the work to earn trust again.