The "HELLO?" Text

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  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    edited December 6
    Nope, I was responding to you. If you just expect all that to be understood without saying so, then you're the one with the expectations/planned disappointment. That has nothing to do with texting while driving.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    Husband3point0JellyBean
  • ZoroasterZoroaster Silver Member Posts: 735
    Mrs. Z and I both understand that texts are, by design, asynchronous communication. You deal with it when you have time. You call for things that need attention NOW.

    The kid doesn't quite get it just yet, but she's coming around.
  • giraffegiraffe USAMember Posts: 98
    edited December 6
    I don't know if anyone else deals with this but wanted to put it out there and get some feedback. My wife has a habit that is really starting to send me over the edge some days. She will send me a text on some non-emergency subject. If it's an emergency she calls. If I don't respond to the text she will start to send me one word texts. That word is "Hello?". She doesn't do it all the time but it happens enough that I am getting aggravated by it. I have gotten to the point now where when I get the text I do ignore it which is %100 passive aggressive and I fully acknowledge that. So I have two questions. First, is my reaction to this (being aggravated not the PA part) an over-reaction to what is going on? It seems really childish but it does get under my skin. In the big picture of our lives it seems really petty but there are some days it just sets me off. Second, how should I handle this? There is a part of me that says I need to tell her but there is also a part of me that says I should be able to let this go. Now if I do tell her how do I do it without sounding like a whiny kid.
    This is too vague to answer accurately.  

    Is she sending a "hello?" text after 90 seconds, 90 minutes, a full workday?  

    Is she sending "hello" on a day when she knows you have a big meeting or may be out of pocket (airplane, in a poor cell phone zone, with bosses etc)?  Is your job typically the kind where you can't get to texts often?

    Is it a text saying "can you pick up the kid(s) at 4?" (or other non-emergency, but important communication) and it's 3:30 now, after waiting for two hours for a reply from you?  

    Is she sending "hello" because you didn't reply to "I miss you" after 4 minutes?

    Is she being disrespectful (hello sounds less than respectful to me) or is it meant more to be a "hey, did my text message come through?"  Do you live/work in a place where text messages sometimes or frequently DON'T arrive even when sent and therefore, it's a legitimate concern?

    I'm guilty of the "did you get my text?" texts after a few hours.  We actually have had issues where certain messages haven't gone through sometimes, so it's realistic of me to feel the need to check.  But honestly, he's good about saying "I'm going to be in a meeting for a few hours" or simply "offline for a bit. ttyl."  Then I know what to expect and don't think it's my phone or his eating the messages.

    But it all depends on the circumstances surrounding her texts.  "Hello" might be short for "did you get my texts?", it might be a mixture of "I am annoyed and taking it out on you, but did you get my texts?" or it might be "something important (pickup kids etc), please respond" or it might be "I expect you to drop everything and tend to me immediately, where are you?"

    Hard to tell without more info.

    ETA: I also let him know if he sends a message and I am out of pocket, can't or won't be able to respond right away.  But it might be a half hour, hour or more before I see that he texted at all.  I might send "Busy, mtg, txt later" or something similar.  That way he doesn't have to wonder either if I got it.  It goes both ways.
    KattAdamBeckerHildaCorners
  • MrGrimmMrGrimm Silver Member Posts: 971
    Angeline said:
    MrGrimm said:
    My wife also gets a bit uptight if I don't answer a text quickly, and I've told her if she wants a response to call me (the one complaint I have about my phone is no text reminder notification if I miss one).  The funny thing is she complains because her mother is the same way.  I've had to bite my tongue a few times on that one.
    Why on earth do people bite their tongues when given a gift like that? Speak up.
    I don't want to derail this thread, but I've thought a lot about those sort of things lately.  Truthfully, it's because I know it will only lead to her getting butt hurt no matter how I say it.
    Rorschach
  • fordsvtfordsvt Canada Eh!Silver Member Posts: 2,300
    I find when people use the term HELLO....!   it's rude and annoying.  If you really want my attention then address me in the correct manner. If a text has to wait then it waits.  Unless an emergency comes up but then shed phone you.  

    Into Phase 3..

    Those Who Dare......Win.   "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."

  • CapsterCapster Silver Member Posts: 607
    I'm confused.  If you have time to read her text, why don't you have time to send an "ok" or a quick emoji?  Probably takes 5ish seconds.
  • DaddyOhDaddyOh CTGold Men Posts: 1,589
    edited December 8
    @Capster Hello is a conversation starter. Which is something the OP wants to avoid-at that given time. Also, Context does not travel well over a text.

    The following are generic answers to a Hello and possible interpretations.

    "Can't talk right now". (Omg, is he ok?)
    "Ok". (Ok. what?)
    "Talk to you later" (I'll text him in 30min)
    "How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live."
  • KattKatt USASilver Member Posts: 4,554
    edited December 8
    Tennee said:
    The 'Hello' here is not a 'Hey, there! How ya doin?'. 

    Its HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?
    after a non-response when someone's arbitrary time-clock for a reply is not satisfied.  Its disrespectful bullshit, and gets treated accordingly. 

    Tennee are we sure?


    318JimmyNow said:
    That word is "Hello?". She doesn't do it all the time but it happens enough that I am getting aggravated by it. 
    The way the OP described it is not in CAPS, and not followed by a bunch of emphasis punctuation.  He also has not come back to elaborate on whether it's being sent 2 minutes after a "Whatcha doing?" text or two hours after a "What time am I supposed to get the kids from Grandma's house?" Kind of text.   We don't know if he habitually fails to respond at all, ever, or shuts down her attempts to touch base when she is looking for connection.     It may indeed be complete disrespectful BS, or it may be somewhat reasonable.   But we really don't know enough to be sure.
    LL80amblrgirlforestleafWinter
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    Tennee said:
    The 'Hello' here is not a 'Hey, there! How ya doin?'. 

    Its HELLO?!?!?!?!?!? after a non-response when someone's arbitrary time-clock for a reply is not satisfied.  Its disrespectful bullshit, and gets treated accordingly. 
    Totally disagree. Context is important. As I said back on page 1, if you assume bad intentions snd act accordingly, you will turn an annoyance into a full on fight, and you earned it. 
    Angeline said:
    Trying to use sarcasm or A&A via text is a good way to escalate an annoying interaction to a full blown fight.

    First off, why don't you answer it? If you have time to read it, you probably have time to send a quick answer, even if that answer is, "I don't have time to  give a proper answer right now. We'll talk tonight." And then you must actually follow up. It isn't unreasonable of her to want some contact during the day, especially if her love language is quality time. Maybe the initial text is a bid for connection, in which case ignoring it will get the testy "hello?" reminders.

    So what is the reason? Are the subjects something annoying or contentious? Are you truly tied up at work and can't respond? Is this a passive aggressive way to pay her back for the sex life not being where you want it?

    Depending on the answer, maybe you need to suck it up and have a conversation, in person, about work time and manners and how unattractive the impatient "well???" texts are. Or you need to say once, "we will discuss this in person, not by text." Or if the initial text is her way of trying to be connected, maybe you need to be doling out a little more relationship comfort in some other way that doesn't interfere with your work. 

    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    amblrgirlKatt
  • nubbynubby Right HereSilver Member Posts: 1,964
    My wife and I have had a chat about texting during work hours. We are both busy and we both know that if something is important to call not text. My wife also realizes that when I drive my phone is dash mounted and I don't touch it while driving. 

    The only instant communication is by telephone. Any other medium i.e.; text and email aren't priority communication. 

    That said, some days my wife will text me a "how's your day going?" When I get time I'll answer. If I'm on a ladder painting, my phone is usually in a charging dock and supplying my music. If I or she doesn't respond instantaneously to a text, we know the other is busy. For a few months last year I told my wife I would only have text convos during coffee and lunch breaks which cut down dramatically the unnecessary texting/time wasting. Now we are down to around 3-4 each unless something comes up regarding the kids. 
    ZoroasterAngeline
  • 446446 ArkansasSilver Member Posts: 648
    I am a HS science teacher. 
    I may be watching a student handle acid. I may be proctoring a state test and bored comatose. It varies. 

    I am a fan of HUA. Heard Acknowledged Understood. 

    I guarantee a reply before school, at lunch and after school. Anything in between is catch as catch can.
    Angeline
  • CapsterCapster Silver Member Posts: 607
    DaddyOh said:
    @Capster Hello is a conversation starter. Which is something the OP wants to avoid-at that given time. Also, Context does not travel well over a text.

    The following are generic answers to a Hello and possible interpretations.

    "Can't talk right now". (Omg, is he ok?)
    "Ok". (Ok. what?)
    "Talk to you later" (I'll text him in 30min)
    If you read the original post, the "hello" text is in response to him not answering the initial text.  "Hello" was not the initial conversation starter - it's the follow up. 
    DaddyOhamblrgirlAngeline
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    446 said:
    I am a HS science teacher. 
    I may be watching a student handle acid. I may be proctoring a state test and bored comatose. It varies. 

    I am a fan of HUA. Heard Acknowledged Understood. 

    I guarantee a reply before school, at lunch and after school. Anything in between is catch as catch can.
    Did you have a no-nonsense conversation with your wife at some point to make that point clear? My problem with all the assumptions back and forth is that I don't believe the OP has ever made any of this clwar and then stuck to it, he just eventually caves, and his inner Nice Guy makes him text something "nice", while on the inside, invisibly to her, he is seething over this for and hour or so. For many days and hours over the year.

    That shit piles up. All because he won't risk her tears or anger or pouting.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    AdamBeckerWinter
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