Initiative

WhiteLighte

never_again said:

You need to study the Captain/FO relationship more. 

The Captain and FO carry the same authority on the ship.  If the FO gives an order then it carries the same weight as if it came from the Captain.  The only exception is when the Captain over-rides the order of the FO, which should be a very rare occurrence.

The Captain and the FO discussed what needed to be done (presumably the Captain sought the FO's guidance in the matter).  The Captain made a decision.  It's then the FO's job to carry out the Captain's orders.  

It's not the Captain's job to stand over the FO and make sure every t is crossed and i dotted.  The Captain has (or should have) more important things to do than skulk around trying to make sure that his orders have been carried out.  The Captain is not a babysitter and if the Captain doesn't trust the FO to carry out his orders then the relationship is in trouble.

I spoke with him... he said to me that he feel in some waynin competition with me (and I didn't do nothing except what I've written to feel him like this). 

He felt like I can be better than him in doing things (?) and he broke up the relation.

I'm a little bit suspicious that this isn't the real reason, but I accept the decision. Maybe it's better for me, too.

He said that he was waiting to speak with me because he didn't know how I could react. 

I'm a little bit confused but at the same time in some way I feel lighter.

never_again

You're saying he broke off the relationship over his fear that you're better than him at some things?

This man wasn't your Captain.  He was too insecure.  I suspect a lot of what you've seen lately was him expressing his insecurity and misgivings about moving into a more permanent relationship.  

A Captain isn't perfect.  He doesn't need to know exactly how to change the filters on the engine, he just needs to know they must be done and that they are done at the proper intervals.  A Captain who is too insecure to trust and delegate to his FO (and his crew) will eventually sink the ship.

Take time to sort out your feelings, continue your MAP and go out and find a Captain who is worthy of a good FO.  

You got this!

WhiteLighte

Yay, thank you for read me and replied to me. 

It was important to help me to make clearness in my thoughts

Angeline

@WhiteLighte, I don't know if you have seen the announcement that this forum is shutting down in a couple of weeks. You might want to contact @Jen_Kay and consider coaching or the video series, to make sure you pick a great captain next time, aid how to become a high value partner to attract and keep a high value mate, before this place disappears.

WhiteLighte

Angeline said:

@WhiteLighte, I don't know if you have seen the announcement that this forum is shutting down in a couple of weeks. You might want to contact @Jen_Kay and consider coaching or the video series, to make sure you pick a great captain next time, aid how to become a high value partner to attract and keep a high value mate, before this place disappears.

I didn't know that I can contact him!
There already are these informations in posts, articles or something like that?

Angeline

http://marriedmansexlife.com/welcome-and-orientation/

http://marriedmansexlife.com/blog/

http://marriedmansexlife.com/category/captain-and-first-officer/

WhiteLighte

I was meaning informations, articles, etc about be a value woman and to recognize a good captain

Sorry for misunderstood

Angeline

Yes, that's what I gave you. Those articles will give you a framework for how to search for books and articles, and they give you a viewpoint you will find in precious few places. If you are actively seeking a captain/first officer dynamic for your relationships and marriage, you really should invest in Athol's books, and consider the videos. You will find no better roadmap.

WhiteLighte

I will order maybe thanks a lot for your advices! This afternoon I will look around and save some pages