Closing the Forum on 12-27-16

Athol_Kay

Hi there,

I suspect that most of you have realized that this day is coming, so I’m not expecting surprise as much as an all purpose “oh well” now that the day is here.

I’m closing the forum on 12/27/16. It’s the last day of the billing cycle for the hosting service. Per Vanilla Forums they will then purge the database wiping everything and there’s no coming back from that.

We’ll be cancelling the remaining Gold Member subscriptions and refunding any overpayments greater than a month of time. I’m also going to be turning Private Messaging back on so that if people want to continue communication with each other, you can arrange that via PMs yourselves.

And yes, my decision is final. Not changing my mind, please don’t try and come up with some kind of workaround solution to keep the forum running.

I’m sure the question on everyone wants answered is “why shut it down?”

I have some large primary monkeys I’m trying to juggle. (1) Content Creation, (2) Coaching, (3) My Personal/Family Life and (4) The Forum.

For a very long time I’ve been trying to juggle all four and becoming increasingly exhausted by it. I was of course aware of this, but also figured mid-2017 with the last kid off to college it would be a finishing line of sorts. I really had no idea I could have a heart attack and 2016 has been a horrible shock.

Coaching is enjoyable, a major income source and the forum only provides about 6-7% of the leads for my coaching calls. Coaching does take up a lot of time and energy though. The blog and social media in general has largely been falling by the wayside, and it provides greater exposure to my content and business. Likewise everyone asking “when are you coming out with a new book?” has been disappointed in my answers for a while here.

My personal / family life has been stretched thin at times and 2016 has been extremely hard on Jennifer. I am extraordinarily lucky in having her in my life.

So something has to give, and the only thing that can give is my continued support of the forum. Looking back I’ve been increasingly ill since the end of 2014, the heart attack was March 2016. It’s been nine months since then and I’m only just starting to feel *somewhat* normal. I really have to get back to content creation though.

I also cannot delegate the running of the forum to someone else. Please just accept that I’ve considered it and rejected this option.

That being said, part of the reason I’ve let the forum exist for as long as I have, is that I appreciate that so many of you have a deep attachment to it and to your other forum members. I’m sure that it feels somewhat unfair of me to end it and for that I am sorry. There are many people here that I will actively miss as well.

Most especially I would like to thank Rebecca / @Serenity for all her assistance in keeping things going as long as it has.

I’m also grateful for those that have helped with moderation and the many of you who have been contributing help to others for so long.

I’m also extremely grateful for this experience. I’ve learned a massive amount and it’s certainly helped round out my overall viewpoint and skill set. I’m a better thinker, coach and person for all of this.

In terms of my future and the future of MMSL, I’m for the most part heading to a combination of Youtube for the free content, and setting up shop on most likely a Teachable platform for paid online course work. Generally switching content branding to fall more under the Chain of Seduction model as well. The coaching will continue and I’m also looking to have more fun with life in general.

The heart attack recovery is going okay. It’s a much longer road forward than I could wish for. I don’t advise having one.

So TL:DR… the forum ends so I can move forward. It’s just time.

Athol

JellyBean

I'm so excited for your fresh start. You and Jen deserve so much happiness and love. Thank you for everything you have done for me and my marriage. You saved our marriage.

RebuildingHusband

It'll change my routine for sure. Thank you for having this place when I needed it most. It saved my marriage as well. I am eternally grateful and, as I've said before, my second son exists due to the tools I acquired here to save my marriage. We aren't just surviving, we are thriving (and procreating!). Thank you. 

_io

I'm going to miss everyone.  Thanks Athol for this forum and your insight into personal relationships.  It's been very helpful to me.  Did I mention I'm going to miss everyone?  

telyni

This place has been a very valuable resource. I'm glad it's been here as long as it has. I understand the need to focus on what's most important, and I do hope this will free up more time for content creation and family.

But ten days isn't much advance warning. Is there any export function where we could export the content of critical threads before everything is wiped? There's a lot of wisdom here, and in particular I don't want to lose the insights that many people have shared with me on my own threads.

ETA: Looks like I'll have to save each page of my threads off to a PDF file, as that seems to be the fastest way to save what I want. Thanks.

Winter

Thank you for everything. We wouldn't be where we are today without you and this forum. 

I've been here since the beginning and I have to admit I will miss this sounding board tremendously 

Jen_Kay

telyni said:

This place has been a very valuable resource. I'm glad it's been here as long as it has. I understand the need to focus on what's most important, and I do hope this will free up more time for content creation and family.

But ten days isn't much advance warning. Is there any export function where we could export the content of critical threads before everything is wiped? There's a lot of wisdom here, and in particular I don't want to lose the insights that many people have shared with me on my own threads.

From someone who wanted to cut/paste a long thread before having it deleted:  "If anyone ever asks again a fairly easy way to download a whole thread is to use chrome with a google account. You can print PDF directly to google drive."

Ildundra

Thank you so much for the forum! MMSL is what really started me on my journey of taking answer for my shit myself: I'm still on that journey, and was just today coming back to get Gold and start a MAP-thread. Not going to end it either, even when the forum ends.

If you're a woman, and feel like a small private support group (of max 15 ppl or so) for MAP would feel good on Facebook, feel free to send me a message before the forum closes. I'm not that close to many of you, but I really feel there is invaluable insight on this community that has supported me for the last three years, that I would love a continuum of it in some way.

Thank you so much Athol, Jennifer and Rebecca!

cpb

Thank you, this forum has been both helpful and fun! Sad to see it go. 

HildaCorners

Closing ... I'm stunned, and disappointed, but understand the necessity.

The forum has helped me grow so much ... it helped me out of the shell shock of my last divorce into understanding, then personal growth, then getting my life together to a point where I'm doing quite well these days.

I feel that lots of the "regulars" here have become friends, and I'll miss everyone I can't maintain contact with.

Speaking of which ... I want to stay in contact with as many of you as possible. I set up an email account, corners.hilda (at) gmail ... if you want to stay in touch, let me know your forum name when you email. If I have time to do so, I may set up a gmail list or some other way of staying in touch.

Off to download my thread, and as many other useful ones as I can!

Rorschach

@Athol_Kay, your work, and this forum, changed my life and my thinking about myself and my marriage in ways that I could not enumerate here, and turned my marriage around from the brink. I am so, so grateful for all of that.

While I am not entirely surprised, I am very saddened by the decision, and I certainly will miss many of the other members here. Special thanks to Angeline and Tenee.

That said, I look forward to whatever new content you create, and I will always follow your work and urge others to read/view it wherever possible.

I wish you good health, and you and Jen and your family all the happiness and success you hope for.

Thank you.

Bye all. Peace.

Rorschach.

Littlejoe

Oh my!  I'm one of the short-timers and I'm already feeling a sense of loss.  I can only imagine what some of the long-timers are feeling.  I too, understand why you need to move on...you health and family come first and foremost...

Knowing what I know from your books and your posts on the forum, you've analyzed this every way to Sunday ...I just know from MY perspective, I would never have found and purchased your ebooks and video series if not for this Forum...and in doing so, recommended it to about 7 of my friends (and counting) and the AWESOME "pupils" such as @Tennee , @Angeline, @HildaCorners , and @SignorePillolaRossa, just to name a few...You guys helped drive home into my thick head, the Truth and the practical application of @Athol_Kay 's books .  Thank You for this forum, and your books, I don't think it saved my marriage, because I was (or may still be) stuck in oneitis, BUT, it did help me create a new me that is a better husband, father and all around happier person.  It's actually fun to sit around with your buds and hear their stories of their home life and give them advice straight from the book.   

So Thank you ALL for you help in making the LJ household a better, happier place, I will absolutely miss this forum, it's become a part of my daily routine, and has helped me so much.  I just wish there were a way to "port it over" to another place...

LJ

forestleaf

Thank you Athol for everything.  And thank you to @Serenity for so much insight, and @Angeline (even though you might take the tough love approach ).  I am grateful for the new friends I've made here.  I am constantly striving for improvement, but looking back I am in such a different person now than I was.  And I have never been more in love or lust with my husband as I am now.   . I am thankful to all of you.  I would like to keep in touch with folks so please PM if y'all want to stay in touch.

JustKeepSwimming

I am so grateful for your work @Athol and thankful that it, and this forum, were available when I needed both most. I feel a profound sense of loss, like a bunch of close friends are all about to concurrently vanish. Since this place is the anti-Facebook, there is an intimacy and insight into the real lives, struggles and best of all triumphs of so many. The lessons learned from those who followed or ignored the advice and the tools they were given powerfully reinforced your framework and ultimately your genius. Thanks to everyone for sustaining this wonderful resource. MAP on!

BourneAgain

A Massive Thank You Athol, Jen, Serenity and all the mods. I am so grateful for all your time and energy and input. 

The whole MMSL experience has been, and continues to be, life changing.   My marriage and sex life is so improved as to be unrecognisable. 

I don't see myself ever stopping MAPing. So many of you folks are on my "internal jury". Happy to pm those who want to stay in touch.

Very sad to see the forum go, but totally understandable and excited to see new material emerge over time. Athol is peerless when it comes to this stuff and has been generous in giving out his expertise. He deserves all the health, wealth and happiness in the world.

Wishing you all the very best for the future.

Tennee

I thought I'd bring a story full circle.  I've told this a few times before - just before I found this place, I was at my lowest point in my life.  I heard Kiddo ask W at bedtime "Why is Daddy always so mad?".  Her voice was trembling, about to cry.  That is the night I cried in my garage on the steps.  In the dark.  In my pajamas.  Totally alone.  I mean that - I was so totally and absolutely alone in that moment. 

This morning, I was in my PJs - its a rainy, lazy day here.  We're doing last minute Christmas stuff today for Awesome Tenneeville Christmas 2016.  I was on the couch - Kiddo came up, sat down next to me.  Cuddled up tight, and held my hand.  "I love you Daddy".  She snuggled in and we sat there for a bit.   I held her, and smiled.   Really big. 

That's what this place did for me @Athol_Kay .  You shone the light for me.  You woke me up, and helped me remember who I was.  Who I really was - that guy who got lost somewhere is back.  With a vengeance.  And a sideways grin. 

I stand tall today, in large part because of this place, Athol, and all y'all who helped me.  The 2x4s, the advice, the laughs, and the astounding insight.  Thank you for that - all y'all.  I hope I paid some small chunk of what I got from y'all back. 

I am a Man today.  Unashamed, and un-fucking-wavering.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

frillyfun

Well it was fun while it lasted...thank you for everyone who participated here over the years.  The help, gentle nudges, different perspectives, and well placed 2x4's have changed my life for the better in so many ways.

I'll truly miss the interaction, and access to a hive mind of smart, tuned-in people.

Thank you Athol, and Jen for giving so much of your time and energy to all of us over the years.  I hope this step brings you closer to your goals.

HildaCorners

Well, now I've done it.

I get too much out of this forum to just let it go away completely ... so I set up a Google Forum. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I'll take a stab at it.

It's called "The MAP Group" and will be completely private and invitation only. I'm not looking to replace this forum (couldn't if I tried, Athol is just too awesome), but want a place where we can post our MAPs and get feedback and those ever-necessary clue-by-fours.

I don't have time or the desire for active moderation, so I expect all members to be on their best behavior. I have a new ban hammer ...

If you want to join, send me a request with your MMSL forum name in it, and an email address where I can send your invitation. My email is above. [This is an email address I created for "Hilda". You can do the same, and preserve your anonymity.]

LordFlashheart

@HildaCorners I've PM'd you a request.
Just like the others I'm shocked at losing MMSL forum's, I need this place.
But I do understand and wish @Athol_Kay all the best. 
Thank you for giving me hope, concrete advice and support from some truly ace people who I'm glad to have as virtual friends, i.e @IrishGypsy, @nubby, @Tennee, @CartB4Horse, @SignorePillolaRossa etc, etc I could go on and on.

Zot

I've been on the forum for two and a half years. Athol's books and advice over the phone, along with the amazing people on this forum, have pulled me away from the brink of divorce two times. I'm not a success story yet, but I am confident that I'm now equipped to become one.  I'm a stronger man thanks to the forum and Athol's books.  My wife and sons appreciate it too. 

I am mourning the loss of this place. But I totally understand the reasoning behind it. If there's a silver lining here, it's that now I'll be able to share Athol's books with my wife and others. 

Thank you Athol and everyone who commented on my threads!

RedPillRon

I am going to really miss this place! Thank you to all of you for all you have done for me and others!