Closing the Forum on 12-27-16

NeverSleptOnTheCouch

Thank you all for sharing your trials and successes. It has been an honor to participate in our collective and individual journeys of personal grown and betterment.

I had already pulled myself out of the nice guy quagmire when I began  here, but you helped take myself to the next level with more vigorous confidence with practical knowledge.

I've recently discovered and concluded the re-slide in my marriage observed over the last couple years since, is due to being with a master narcissistic abuser that is over a year into her  EA or likely PA,  and why my efforts have been futile to establish a relationship of value and longevity.

So, I have a long road ahead still, it would have been better if I could lean here sometimeswhen things are worse and I close this  marriage and try to heal, but alas.

Wish you all best with your continued pursuit of betterment, respect and happiness.

Smashmaster

My dispatcher is a FB friend, and some of his posts indicate that he could both benefit and incorporate the MAP. 

So I sent him a copy for Christmas.

(Also, I'm finishing up a long delayed post to beat the deadline.) 

ichabod

Athol:
Mmsl helped me start to understand the true nature of male/female relationships, one could say it was my gateway drug.  You and I had a couple of differences in opinion, which caused me to leave the forum after being relatively active.  While my marriage - which I tried to save for years ended up being unsalvageable, I am a much happier and fulfilled man now having throttled my inner beta and burned the body.  Thank you for your early words way back when.  I'm surprised to hear about your heart attack I was not aware.  I've entered my fifth decade I'm ripped and happier and more centered than I've ever been in my life, you helped me start this journey, and for that I thank you.  (Despite your shitty moderation of that one thread) ;-)
 
Be well brother.  Lift heavy shit.

Like_Water

I guess it's my turn to weigh in on the closing of the forum.  I was desperate when I found my way here, and have learned a lot and grown tremendously by applying the concepts from Athol's work and listening to others as they advise and counsel each other in this space.  I have so far to go, but this place has helped me get started.

I've never been much of a joiner, and I must say I've been constantly amazed at the care, consideration and thoughtfulness that the people here place into this community.  It's remarkable how Internet strangers can truly care and support one another through tough times and rejoice in the progress of others.

I do consider a number of you my friends, even though I may never meet you face-to-face (or, if I do, I may not know it's you...)  Thanks for the help and support.

Tennee

Throwing this out there.  If you're a guy, and you've read even 1 post on this forum, and you somehow don't have MMSL Primer - FIX.THAT.  I have read Primer 8 times now, cover to cover.  I have consulted Primer a gazillion other times.   I can't say it enough - it is literally a seminal work.  It is the foundation that you need.  It is ground zero.

You can have the print version ordered and shipped to Barnes and Nobel for pickup.  Or download. 

It will open your eyes - it did mine.  It doesn't matter if you're the King of Game or living in the 'rents basement - if you want to change your life Gentlemen, read this. 

Summer

Wish there was a way to agree x 1000. The primer changed our marriage. Love was not enough without understanding.

MissD

Some of you may recognize me as Kiche - I had my threads wiped after my ex dropped by to see our DD and I left MMSL up on my browser. Anyways, I posted this in gold:

MissD said:

Thanks Athol and Jen, and everyone else for sharing b/c it's helped me think a little deeper and grow as a person.

Map on!

Here's to growing!

*clink*

IrishGypsy

*clink*

HildaCorners

I'm transferring over my last post in my Gold thread ... to heck with anonymity, it's going to be gone in 3 days anyway.

--------
I just finished saving off my entire MAP thread (except for this page, which I will later this week) and re-reading it.

I have come a long way!

Back in 2012 when Athol started the forum, I was a frumpy 50+ year old housewife in shell shock from a catastrophic marriage failure and high conflict divorce. I had a big house, two teenagers, no job and no money. In classic Enneagram 5w4 mode, I had retreated into myself and was trying all sorts of low effort schemes to keep our lives together.

Today, I'm a barely frumpy almost 60 year old, beginning a solid career in a new, well-paying field. One kid has left the nest and is started on a solid career path, the other is in high school and becoming a solid Captain. I wear makeup to work every day, I have money in the bank, and life is pretty damned good — not perfect, but getting there.

A large percentage of the improvement is due to Athol, his forum, and the wonderful people here who kept after me with the wise insights and hard questions.

I'll never forget when I "met" Athol and MMSL. I was reading an email list for spouses of Asperger's people, and one person posted a "can you believe someone would write this nonsense?" letter. I had to take a look at the "nonsense" which was Athol's blog ... 15 minutes later I was reeling from the understanding I had on why my marriage failed.

When Athol started the forum, I was member #78 (I think). I joined as Milf-in-training, and after a while, I deleted that account (TMI, my posts were too revealing, and this was before Gold) and became Hilda Corners.

Not only have I learned how relationships work, I learned what I needed to do (and keep doing) to improve my changes for a great next relationship. I've gotten conflicting advice and learned to pick and choose what will work for me. I've helped others, guided a couple people through their own high conflict divorces, and maybe even helped save a marriage or two.

[And I still suffer from Forum foot in mouth disease.]

I'm going to miss this place terribly, and hope I'll be able to get enough support for my future MAP journey in the "refugee camp" as I've gotten in the real forum.

(I'm sniffling ... )

Verethragna

Everyone have a wonderful Christmas, new year and happy holidays to cover the rest. I wish everyone the best with their lives. Stay positive.

And as our host has said

"Love sex and happiness"

  

Angela

I haven't posted in ages, but want to say good luck, thank you, and goodbye to everyone.

Have a happy holiday season, a great new year, and a wonderful rest of your life!

Jek

Ok, again.  Nothing related to format at all.  Just a group chat.  Nothing to do with nuthing.


App: "Palringo Group Messenger"

Room: "the refugee camp"

It is pretty quiet in there right now without you

MissMissy

I have mostly lurked the last couple of years but I do read the forum often and am sad to see it end. I first came here four years ago under a different username (GoodGirl if anyone remembers) in an extremely toxic relationship and I am very grateful for MMSL during that time. I learned that not being attracted to someone who was emotionally abusive, who perpetrated what I now believe was sexual assault and rape, and was extremely unattractive in general was perfectly natural and NOT my fault. This along with other MMSL principles (the MAP hadn't come out yet, I think it would've hugely helped me) triggered the eventual break up and then massive self growth in myself. I have since finished a master's degree and am becoming very successful in my field (with a PhD possibly on the horizon) with a job that is absolutely wonderful for me and have found a man I highly respect and love and have a very healthy relationship with. 

I want to thank Athol, @_io, and @KillaHertz who all helped me during that time. I have since continued reading the forum nearly daily and am going to miss seeing how some of the regulars are doing in their relationships and lives in general - it's been interesting and helpful to see MAPs progress.

End of an era.