Tomboy girl game?

Natalie_Lorin

So I'm seeing all these posts about high heels and things, but what do you do if you're a tomboy and always have been? I really can't stand having my feet cooped up, and life is too short to wear shoes that hurt. My favorites are chacos, toms, and cowboy boots. I do have some flats and wedges for dress-up.

Things in my favor: long hair (waist length-ish) that my husband likes to see braided. Like to wear hats (another thing my husband likes). I also really like wearing skirts, and I've got some long knit ones (he likes them long) that I wear pretty frequently. My skin is pretty good.

Things I'm working against: Figure could be better (20lbs), but that will have to wait until post-kid. Not very confident in my body. My mom told me I was overweight when I weighed 30 pounds less than I currently do. I think I might have been a little under weight for my shape (curvy). It's been a struggle since high school basically. I'm working out, but I can't really lose any weight right now - mainly looking at toning up my arms and legs and core strength. Lingerie doesn't make any sense to me since I sleep in my undies, but I make sure I have nice undies.

And yes, part of it is that my husband has decided it's time to be a grown-up and get some nice, well fitting clothes. He's speaking at a conference in the Spring, and I think that was the last little boost he needed to go through his closet and make some changes. That just means I need to start rummaging through mine. It's not that I can't be feminine because I actually consider myself rather feminine as it goes, but a lot of that is in my girl beta and not as much in the way I dress. Think girl who likes cooking and knitting and photography (and babies!) but feels most at home in jeans and hoodies and absolutely comes alive tramping up the trail with a 25lb pack on her back and four miles to go until making camp. Also, I like power tools. And mud. And fire. Let's just say that I surprised his brothers

Ok, help a sister out here.

Kathrynthegreat

Hello, my long-lost sister!

Sexy, snug-fitting jeans.  If you're going to wear jeans (and I do) they really really have to look good.  Spend some time and money looking for jeans that look spectacular.

Take a good look at your body and decide your best physical feature, and then make it your focal point.  For me I have an itty-bitty waist and big boobs.  So pretty much every shirt is snug or low-cut.  You can look feminine in jeans and cowboy boots if your top is snug and/or low-cut over a pair of spectacular boobs.  I wear a lot of those Victoria's Secret sweaters.  

Upgrade your cowboy boots.  Get pretty ones with a higher heel.  

If your legs are better than your topside, wear shorts and cowboy boots.  I have yet to meet a man who objected to shorts and cowboy boots.  

Braided hair, denim skirt, high-heeled boots, and a cowboy hat that's right for your face?  That's feminine.  

Really, for you, a huge part of your girl game is going to be losing the weight you want to lose and getting more comfortable in your body.  

PhoenixDown

Tomboy here. You can definitely I keep your awesome hobbies, but getting a more feminine wardrobe is essential. Save the hoodies and jeans for hiking.

How's your makeup? That's been the hardest for me. MakeUpGeek on YouTube has helped me a lot. I've just been googled or Pinterest searched "makeup" and "fashion" and found things that appeal to me. You also want to make sure you dress well for your body type. Takes a little bit of trial and error in the dressing room. 

Aspire to the feminine! There's always going to be some tomboy in there, and that's ok, but try to knock him dead when you're out together.

PhoenixDown

@alphabelle We beat you to it

Yes on the two wives thing. I feel like a completely different person when I doll it up.

Kathrynthegreat

I've had good success with meeting him at the door in nothing but a cowboy hat, high-heeled boots, and one of those belts with the plate-sized buckle.  

He really is a moron.  

:

.

Natalie_Lorin

Actually the two wives thing makes a whole lot of sense! Sometimes I feel like I have to reconcile the part of me that wants to get out to the symphony more often with the part of me that wants to go starting fires down at the farm, but I'll have to remember it's ok to wear different hats

Ok, yeah, better jeans are a must. I keep thinking I'll finally figure out how to kick the weight, but I'm sure you've heard that story before. I might have to decide it's worth the time/money to look my best first.

Make-up is pretty good actually. I don't wear it all the time, but I do like playing with eyeliner and stuff. He seems to like the results. He also likes being able to kiss me without getting a mouthful of stuff, so I tend to keep it light. I finally started a better skin care regimen as well since I hadn't changed it in 15 years, and it seems to be paying off.

Body image....I used to think that by acknowledging that I was overweight and wasn't very happy about it I was telling my husband I wasn't getting complacent about it and that I realized things needed to change. Now I begin to think I was just needlessly pointing out my flaws when I should have been playing up my best parts. (Yes this will sound strange) but I'm a little self conscious about my chest. My husband made some comment when we were first married that "All a man really needs is a handful." Well, the doctor claimed this isn't actually a side affect, but when I went on my thyroid meds I went up a cup size. So I now feel pretty heavy, and I'm not sure whether this is a positive or not. Plus my mom was tiny (like AA tiny) and thought anything over a C was deformed. Dang woman needs to get out of my head :-< It just makes finding shirts hard sometime when I can wear a small at Ann Taylor Loft and then have to get a large at Old Navy so the buttons don't gape.

Sounds like the general conclusion is that I need to step out of my shell and decide I'm really worth improving 8-| This is only what my husband and his family have been telling me for 8+ years. It's pretty awesome when I can act on it though. I hate contacts, and my mom had always been on the "neutral colored glasses that blend into your face" school. Well last time I got glasses I got some awesome purple plastic frames, and I've gotten nothing but complements on them. Ditto for the teal streak I put in my bangs about 18 months ago. (Seriously ladies, I have gotten more unsolicited complements on my hair than I have on anything else ever. Home Depot. Coffee shop. You name it. It does draw attention. Possibly because it looks 40x better than your average hipster home dye job. I'm just saying that it's one way to get noticed.)

Angeline

Total tomboy here. My job for 20+ years has involved me tromping around on construction sites in steel toes and hardhat, with surveying tools strapped to my belt. Yes, those are my vampy pinup polka dotted heels up there, and because the toe is stacked (it's kind of camouflaged) the heel:toe differential isn't that bad. Assuming that heels are uncomfortable will mean you never try them.

But yes, totally get your mother out of your head. Also: I have heard it told that librarian-style glasses can be totally hot. Put all that hair up in a messy bun, glasses and one of his shirts, shoes, boots or nuthin', and Tomboy Girl is forgotten.

AdamR

Angeline said:I have heard it told that librarian-style glasses can be totally hot. Put all that hair up in a messy bun, glasses and one of his shirts, shoes, boots or nuthin', and Tomboy Girl is forgotten.

The FO's around here are fucking smart.

Hamster_Free

I feel ya on the big boobies self consciousness.  As a kid and developing early, or by far the most endowed on every single sports team I tried out for, I had Tall Person Syndrome for my chest.  The runners, dancers, swimmers--all the athletes had *nothing*, so lawdy, did I feel like an elephant when I came a-floppin along (all I can say is there's a reason I'm a good swimmer--pools cover a lot of flop).  And same thing, my mother always admired and respected the flat, uncurvy form (even though she is also quite shapely)--any deviation from the flapper silhouette is just fat in her estimation--so all kinds of mental damage from the most mentally damageable age when my body was developing.

Fortunately, now that I'm older than 18, and married, I'm learning that my mom's opinions don't matter as much as my husband's.     I don't have to worry about attracting unwanted attention because I have a husband.  A husband who *LOVES* the show (although has basic requirements for public decency, which I also appreciate).  I dress to accentuate the lovely lady lumps (tastefully), and he struts a bit because he obviously likes the look of the curvy woman on his arm. 

But in the meantime, I'm a lot more likely to pull out the power tools or fix the door with the broken hinge than he is.  So yes, I need a hot pair of jeans for that. 

It really sounds like you've got a lot of girl game going on...the way you describe yourself, you've got a nice balance of feminine with capable tomboy to add interest and capability.  Frankly, my dear, you sound pretty dang hot as it is.  Work it, girlfriend. 

:x

Anna

Ditto to @Hamster_Free and @Natalie_Lorin.

@Natalie_Lorin:Yes, thyroid problems can cause breast tissue growth. Ask me how I know, heh. Thyroid problems can also cause that stupid 20 pounds to hang around and be dang near impossible to get rid of. Again, I know. Start dressing nicely now, work out to tone up and don't worry about the weight. Clothes can do wonders to camouflage problem areas. You might want to try Banana Republic and The Limited for tops. They're bust-friendly and have fantastic sales.

@Hamster_Free: Self consciousness? Oh boy. I was done growing by the end of 7th grade. 5'9 and a D cup. The boobs only got bigger as I got older. My mother is a six foot tall ectomorph. I did not inherit her build. I got my dad's broad shoulders, big ribcage, and muscle. I slumped to hide both my height and my chest for years, to the point where people asked my parents if I had back problems. All the girls in my youth group were tiny; 5'2 at most, 105 pounds. It took me until I got out in the work world to stop feeling like Godzilla, and I still get nervous around really small, cute women.

Hamster_Free

5'9" and a D+ cup?  Please tell me you've done some modeling??  at 5'7", I'm under the unspoken height requirement..at 5'9", you're in the zone.  Plus Girl modeling is an expanding market..

Anna

No, never modeled. I was a dumpy teen. Didn't get a waist until after 20. I'm probably too old now anyway. And yeah, I was a D cup at 12. G cup (UK sizes) thanks to the thyroid.

Natalie_Lorin

Thanks for the encouragement. I begin to think that starting threads when you've got pregnancy hormones and your husband is out of town is like the forum equivalent of drunk texting  :-\" I'm taking notes though.

No more frumpy jeans
Keep working on the hot arms/hot legs program (right now that means push-ups and squats)
Keep working on the make-up/hair thing (because I know what he likes, and I really just get lazy about it)

@Hamster_Free Thanks! Sometimes I start to feel a little bit like I'm not a "real" girl because I struggle with stuff that seems to come naturally to other women. So I really do appreciate the encouragement.

Hamster_Free

Yah, no, Natalie...sounds like you've got ALL the things that come naturally to a REAL girl...not the ones that only maintain an outer image to cover the absence of any interior substance. 

Unibew

Anyone got ideas about jean shorts?  Would be cool to find about where to buy them.  Maybe just cutting off the frumpy ones?????

Rapunzel

I'm late to the conversation and you've gotten great advice. Tomboy is totally fine, just work with it. You don't need to change your persona, just don't let it be an excuse for frumpiness or laziness in your appearance. We have a little farm and I don't wear heels to garden, chase sheep or clean out livestock pens. No need to become a prissy indoor girl. I also wanted to say *yes* get some great jeans now. You seem to have a style that you and your husband like, just take care to keep your clothing clean, well fitting, and in good repair, especially as you lose weight, replace your baggy clothes asap. Here is a thread at the Long Hair Community for different braid idea if you want to try something new; the braid picture thread.

BoneDaddyJive

Mrs Jive has a tomboy "uniform" that she wears every day. Halter top or t shirt and cotton shorts. She's definitely at the curvy end of the spectrum. She's always been "hippy" but not particularly busty. She's gained a bit of weight after surgery, which makes her breasts and belly bigger. I don't mind so much because a) she's a workout fiend when she can be and has already resumed limited P90x and b) I like big tits and I cannot lie.

I do NOT recommend the tomboy uniform. I would kill to get her into a simple sun dress every alternating Thursday, or a nice skirt that shows off her legs. Heels would be nice once in a while, and she's only 5'3", so she can easily pull it off if she wants to.

Oh, and cleavage. Plenty of cleavage, if you've got it. Mrs Jive is weird about her perfectly average bust. She's not proud of them, but not ashamed, either. I think it is bewildering to her that men would find knockers interesting.

She has a uniquely shaped ass that seems to be concomitant with her hip problems. I like it, but it is an acquired taste. I make sure to compliment her about it because she's self conscious, and I have clearly acquired that taste. I'm really trying to get her into more girly outfits. I'm conspiring with her mother in this endeavor. Her mom is 2nd generation removed Cecilian, so she's able to have some influence on the public wardrobe.

For the private wardrobe, naked is fine. Nobody will confuse you with a "boy" in that state.

pigdog

there is nothing wrong with tomboy as long as you use makeup judiciously and proper hair is key. 

wtf?!? i just tried to google "hot tomboy" to link to an exmple and things have changed cuz that now means an androgynous asian twink. i weep for today's youth.

pigdog

@AlphaBelle, no i am thinking more lois lane from smallville. ponytail, jeans and boots with heals, nice shirt, great understated makeup. 

BoneDaddyJive

I'm going to backtrack a bit and say that it is more about attitude than anything else. If you're wearing army boots and full butch plaid flannel, and I know that underneath is lace and smooth skin bursting to get out, your sex rank goes way higher than better eye shadow. But you gotta let me know.

Natalie_Lorin

@Pigdog

Yeah that's basically me in that picture Plaid shirt and ponytail. Only I've recently learn my husband prefers braids over ponytails, so I'm trying to pound that through my thick skull instead of instinctively doing the ponytail thing.

@BoneDaddyJive

Is her thing basically comfort and low fuss? Because my favorite skirts are those little knit ones that you can wear with a tank top and athletic sandals or toms and look more like a girl. Seriously. Knit skirts = pajama pants that you can wear out in public. They are that comfortable and easy to wear. Ditto with sundresses - I've got a few knit ones from Columbia and Old Navy that I can toss on with a colorful camisole and some sandals for running around in the summer.

Maybe suggest she start looking at places like REI or travel outfitters for more feminine clothing? They're honestly some of my favorite places to shop since the clothes really aren't fussy or overly dressy. I have a skirt that can come out of the dryer a ball of wrinkles and then look freshly ironed after I've worn it for ten minutes. One of those "trail to coffee shop" type deals.

As for what's underneath. Well my husband ain't complaining!