Fitness Testing Responses

thatoneguy99

      I am sure this has been answered before. I did run a search and couldn't find anything specific so I decided to make my own thread. First off I loved the book and it pointed out a lot of things that I never thought about or did not notice. To that my question is this. When I finished the book I had about 2 weeks to run the MAP before I left for a 9 month deployment with the Navy. So I had to try and run the MAP fairly quickly to get maximum results for that time being. I will continue to work on it after I come back also....

     Long story short after reading I noticed that my wife is CONSTANTLY running fitness test on me. Things like "Oh while you go upstairs to change your socks can you change over the laundry and put the laundry in the dryer on the bed." It's not extremely inconvenient since I am already headed upstairs but it is a marked difference from the 5 seconds I would have been up there changing my socks.

     One other test was I just finished doing some needed repairs to the house and had to take the trash out to the curb for a bulk pickup. She bugged me like 5 times asking me when I was going to put that trash out. I told her I will get to it and to leave me alone about it. She said she was just " helping me remember".

      All in all there are things that I was going to do already or said I was going to do but, somehow she turns it into me doing it because she told me to or mentioned it. When it comes to her questioning you about your recent standing up for yourself and alpha puffing (that's what I call it because your puffing out your chest) what do you do? Should I say it was in the book and it's part of the MAP. Then she rolls her eyes and gives the whole "Oh I hate that book." How do I go about it when she notices and says something about the changes. Tell her about the book or tell her its the new you or what? What are your suggestions.

            Sorry about the long post I wanted to make sure I gave details. 

IfOnly

Regarding the garbage thing -- @steu2817 is right that you need to be a better Captain about it.  I think it's fine if you're going to do it at a later point, but then don't say "I'll get to it."  Instead say, "I'm going to put it out as soon as I finish this project."  Less vague, more specific.  The repeated requests come about because she doesn't know what "later" means for you.  If you attach a specific point in time to it, then she has no reason to bring it up again...unless that time has passed, and you still havent done it.  Which gets back to being a better Captain (i.e., following through on promises).

thatoneguy99

I agree with both responses. I just don't want her to get an idea that I'm doing those things because she wants them done. I'll will have to work on this for sure. Thank you. Also thanks for the links. I'll check them out.

thatoneguy99

Yeah I do understand that I cant fix anything in two weeks. That it is a lengthy process that I am willing to partake in. I was just trying to get maximum effectiveness in the time that I do have. It is hard, now that I can recognize certain shit test, to just let them go because I will be leaving soon and it will all need to be redone when I get back. So since I haven't called her on her shit test before and now I am, what is a suggestion for when she asks me about my shit test calling? If she says howcome you have been getting angry or saying something when I ask you to do something? Another question is do you think it is even ideal to do the MAP at all? Would it be better to continue behavior the normal way in order to keep the peace? I don't want to have a terrible experience for her or me before I leave. Even if it is for the best in the long term? Sorry for all the questions. A lot of this is all new to me and you guys/gals just seem to have so much experience its nice to see what has worked for you. Thanks again for ANY advice.

Red

I know there are different ways and responses to deal with fitness testing, but in general, I think @steu2817 suggestion gets overlooked. 

steu2817 said:

As far as the nagging - I'm sorry but the best way to avoid that is to be a better Captain. Sure you could smack down her shit test, but the better thing to do is to simply do what you need to do. Don't tell her you're going to do something, just do it. If she's asking you multiple times, then you're falling down.

There is no short cut. Not for you guys and not for us either.  Own it and change it.

thatoneguy99 said:

It is hard, now that I can recognize certain shit test, to just let them go because I will be leaving soon and it will all need to be redone when I get back.

 Another question is do you think it is even ideal to do the MAP at all? Would it be better to continue behavior the normal way in order to keep the peace?

@thatoneguy99, you won't have to redo it as the process is already started. If it won't be acceptable behavior when you get back why is it acceptable now? Because it's easier?

ichabod

"Are you done yet?"

thatoneguy99

What do you mean?

Angeline

While you're deployed, read the book again. Maybe once a month. Because you missed a lot. Don't talk to her about the book. MAP like there's no tomorrow. The primer and your (emphasis YOUR) MAP are about you becoming the best thatoneguy possible, NOT about fixing her. Your MAP will be unique to you, things you need to improve on. If you really take that on, you won't have to wonder if you're making progress, because you'll see it in your workplace.

You don't have to be around your wife to learn to deal with shit tests, they're everywhere. When you can, drop in here with updates and questions. By the time your duty is up, you will be one bad ass Captain, ready to take on your marriage.

The MAP is for YOU.
There are no shortcuts.
Stop telling her you are learning how to be a man in a book. IF it comes up, you're simply uncovering layers of shit hiding the man that was there all along.
Come home safe, brother. Godspeed.

ichabod

My recent response to shit testing is "are you done yet?", works well.

thatoneguy99

@ichabod that is one I will have to try. I fully understand that the MAP is all about me. I do also understand that the MAP is something that I can do without my wife being around. I was just curious as to the best way of dealing with shit tests. In the past I wasn't even aware of shit test and now I see them everywhere. Even my 3 year old daughter does them from time to time. Calling my wife on what she is/isn't even aware shes doing is almost always going to cause an argument. I am not equipped ATM to deal with the repercussions so I will have to work on that. I am looking forward to coming back from this deployment a new man and able to deal with certain things in a totally different manner than before. Thanks to everyone for their advice and I will keep reading through the forum to up my level of knowledge. I will let you know of my progress and experiences.

2manypasswords

@thatoneguy99 - For me, there are times when my best response is no response.  We were out to dinner a few weeks ago w/ the kids & their grandparents, my wife was fussing at me about something stupid, and I gave her "the look" (the one that conveys something like, "I'm not 5 years old, you're being a fussbudget, so just knock it off."). 

Shit test nipped in the bud. 

This tactic is especially useful when there are others present & any verbal response from me has a greater chance of being a DLV (display of low value). 

ichabod

the idea isn't to let her know what is a shit test, the idea is to let her have her shit test but deal with it properly.  Remember they're fitness tests, if you correctly navigate them she sees it as a DHV.

thatoneguy99

Well put!

leoslayer

Take advantage of the deployment to transform your body while you are gone. You could look like a different man in 9mths.

What do you do?

resistanceisfutile

leoslayer said:

Take advantage of the deployment to transform your body while you are gone. You could look like a different man in 9mths. What do you do?

This was my exact first thoughts, "Hell I could look awesome in 9 months time ,with no kids or hamster.

chikanatsu

@thatoneguy99

Yep, your daughter will probably be an even bigger challenge than your wife!!  I've started to notice how my 15yo does it all the time.

Stay safe during your deployment and thank you for your service to our country.

thatoneguy99

To me it is just another job but I appreciate the comments. Makes that "just another job" worth it when people recognize and appreciate the sacrifices. Yeah I plan on doing a lot of exercise and working out during this deployment. I've already started losing weight but quitting smoking is going to be one of my hard hurdles. With that being said I have a possible shit test question. I'll try to make it quick. Me and the wife get into an argument. Really, shit didn't go her way so she got upset. She started pouting and I went about my business. Should I ignore her like she is doing me or just act like the argument/ disagreement didn't bother me and treat her as if there was no disagreement? I'm sure she's looking for an apology. ATM I am just doing my business but there's something I want to show her and talk to her about. Wait until she apologizes? Which will probably be never because she sees me in the wrong. Thanks!

Brick

The silent treatment from the wife is not a problem, it is a gift. 

I know this is an old post Im on but I just had to comment.