Pop the question or break up?

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Comments

  • FirstOfficerFirstOfficer Member Posts: 37

    IMHO the fact that there is doubt means the answer is a resounding NO!

    When it's right, its right and you dont question it.

     

  • Natalie_LorinNatalie_Lorin Southern USSilver Member Posts: 979
    For what it's worth, when my husband and I got married we both figured there was a chance we were both screwing up our lives, but we figured the risk was worth taking. It's not that we weren't crazy about each other -the man could take my breath away by walking into the room. It's just that we'd never been married before and didn't really know how we'd work together when we couldn't just say goodnight and hang up the phone. It's up to the OP to decide if his doubts are reasonable and workable or whether they're indicative of a larger problem.

    The main that could be a problem (IMO) is that your fiance is willing to start having kids now, and you're talking about starting your own business. I'd personally pick one unless y'all have the savings to carry y'all for a good while. Hormonal baby stress + financial/security stress = wife might be a bundle of nerves just when you have the least amount of time/energy to deal with it. Seriously, there are some stories about women sailing through pregnancy, but some women get sick as dogs. Even though I've had it fairly easy so far (via word of mouth) I still had a couple months of constant exhaustion and food aversion, and this week I've broken down sobbing twice because (waves hands around vaguely) life and hormones and stuff. Just something to remember if you're thinking about some pretty little existence of hubby working away in the shop while wifey sits upstairs sipping tea and knitting fluffy pink baby hats.
    FirstOfficerAngeline
  • PrezPrez Member Posts: 471

    IMHO the fact that there is doubt means the answer is a resounding NO!

    When it's right, its right and you dont question it.

     

    My guess is there is always some doubt when a man is making this kind of decision.  He doesn't sound all that enthusiastic about the idea from what he wrote in the first post, but maybe he is the analytical type.

    I wouldn't have wanted to get married without really strong feelings.  But I think getting married JUST because you are 'in love' is incredibly stupid and foolish.  There has to be a rational component to the decision that examines where the two of you are a good match.

    But when I decided to get engaged, I knew I had found a great woman, and I cared about her.  One of my concerns was whether I was a good man for her.  I was pretty sure she would be a good woman for me.  Maybe that's indicative of being 'in love' in a good way, my concern about being a good husband for her, that is.  But while I was making the decision, I really wanted to marry her, too.  I wasn't apathetic about it. 
    Angeline
  • Want2bFOWant2bFO Sultry SouthSilver Member Posts: 699

     

    Elaine said:
    You should marry the person you never want to live without - not the one you can live with. 


    Dang girl...perfect wording.  

    Austintime , You don't want to marry her, you want to not lose her which is not the same thing. There are some big red alerts on here.

    1) you never said you loved her....without love its just friend with benefits.

    2) no kids is a deal breaker...really how can you compromise on that?

    2) if she broke off with you today would you be devastated or relieved?

     

     

    "Every man needs a woman when his life is a mess because like in the game of chess the Queen always protects her King" author unknown.    ( but you have to be the King first)

    "I could die for you. But I wouldn't and couldn't live for you" Ayn Rand

     

  • maprunnr65355maprunnr65355 FloridaSilver Member Posts: 760
    The ADHD meds are probably upping her sex drive, FYI. Adderall and vyvanse are amphetamines (like methAMPHETAMINE). Ritalin works in a very similar manner to cocaine. Both would increase sex drive.
    steezy9
  • steezy9steezy9 New YorkMember Posts: 89
    edited July 2013
    Good Grief, please don't marry this person! Stop thinking about the girl and think about what marriage is. Its your ENTIRE LIFE. Every illness, your old age, every estate planning event, every career sacrifice, the death of your parents, the birth of your children. 

    Do you feel passion for her unlike anything you've ever felt in your life? Yeah yeah, the redpill stuff can help you improve any relationship to a degree. But the happiest marriages start out with more. And why shouldn't they? Why would you want to shortchange yourself the experience of having a giddy, sexy, adoring relationship at the beginning of your marriage? Have you read Athol's descriptions about how he felt about Jennifer when he was courting her? Yeah, you're supposed to kill oneitis if you have to, if its giving someone nefarious power over you. But man it would be sad to start a relationship absolutely oneitis-free. 

    It barely sounds like you know this person. It doesn't sound like you're communicating about the big stuff that comes with marriage. There are some vague assumptions and misgivings about what she might and might not want for your life together. Beyond that, have you envisioned what it would mean to be holding her hand 40 years from now on her deathbed? On yours?? 'Cus that's marriage dude. 
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