Developing that gym habit

Serendipity

I'm totally going to try the "race you to the corner thing"

BomberJacket

Serendipity said:

I'm totally going to try the "race you to the corner thing"

Me too! Definite way to light a spark and get those endorphins going.

ichabod

Home gym?

Ami

I'm a bit of an "athletic introvert" if you will. Exercise has always been important to me but I am not competitive and I'm not that crazy about gyms. Over the last 10 years we've moved around often so I have made do with a lot of different kinds of free exercise. Maybe some of these will interest your wife as the mood and living situations change:

Walking, running, long walks while listening to audio books (or podcasts etc), work out DVDs, YouTube workouts (I heart fitness blender's channel), yoga video podcasts, biking to lunch picnic site, walking with female friends (all that gab time adds up to a lot of mileage). Work out DVDs are my staple these days with kids in the house- perfect for nap time and no commute time to the gym.

BomberJacket

I have to update on my original "plan" posted earlier in this thread. Two days after "liking" the occasional athletic-oriented woman on Facebook, I got a, "I see you're liking a lot of athletic girls on Facebook!" from my wife.

She rubbed my chest with her knuckles as she said this in what I can only interpret as a sort of claim of territory. It was playful but a little rough at the same time. I just don't know if it is good or bad. I said that I wanted to include her in the types of activities these athlete women I'm liking on Facebook are participating in. She seemed enthusiastic in a playful manner. So, I'll still work on this "athletic action plan."

Earlier today, I told her how I liked that her ass was perky, and she said, "Everyone's ass sags eventually." 

I said, "When? Age 60? You've still got over thirty years."

Then she says, "If you take care of me!"

Me: "Oh, you want me to take charge? I can do that."

Her: "If you take care of me financially."

Interesting. I know she equates alphaness with financial security. AKA: having money that she can spend (or thinks she can spend). We have no debt and I am a solid investor, and a bit frugal -- something she's not a fan of.

So, we'll see how this plan develops.

BomberJacket

SWA said:

She comes to you, she is intimidated and nervous about the fitness expectations she is afraid you have of her.  She builds a safety zone by saying "Everyone's ass sags eventually."  This is true, but it is an excuse.  Maybe your response should have been more direct?  "Yeah, nobody beats mother natures, but there are some natural (no surgery) 60 year olds at my gym that are way tight because they took active care of their bodies.  They're also married to the same fit dudes they married 35 years ago." 

We used someone as an example -- which she actually brought up. It was a random example, but we used a fit older person in their 60s who is in pretty good shape. It is an awkward example just by virtue of the relationship to us of who it is, but I think it works. I will use other comparisons in the future as needed.

I'm not the verbal judo dude, but something stronger and more direct here, saying "yeah, but not everyone gives up, does nothing and sags by 45".

The other part, when she said "If you take care of me!" = huge shit test, IMO.  You could have come back with something along the lines of "The good Lord helps those that help themselves.  You see how important a fit body and general health are to me.  I'd love to work out with you, or hook you up with my (female) friend who is a trainer at the club to get you on a fun routine.  I'm with you baby, but you have to do your part too.  This isn't a free ride."

I agree. I think it was a shit test--- or at least an ongoing shit test that she will definitely bring up again when given the chance.  Does saying, "I take care of people who take care of themselves" work? I am the Captain in our relationship, after all.

Like I said, you need better wording, but something stronger and to the point. 

You said your wife is hot and looks great now, but you are worried about the future.  I get you don't want to go nuclear.  She noticed what you are liking on FB and is intimidated by it.  If she is naturally hot now with no work, she probably has little interest in working out 7 hours a week and losing her vegging on the couch in her robe time.  Fitness, for someone who hasn't needed it, is intimidating. 

I tried to create this false, covert contract with my wife, regarding loving someone how they are, until death do us part etc. etc.  She held up her end of the bargain.  She didn't leave me, cheat on me or kick me to the curb.  But she didn't fuck me either, and I got fat.  Now I'm fighting that battle (and down 15+ lbs!!! Woohoo!). 

Congrats! Keep it up!

She definitely doesn't need to work out now, but I see so many people at work who look like lumpy bags of soccer balls (as Athol has put it); or I see a mother and daughter duo out somewhere -- with the mother looking like crap and the daughter looking fairly attractive -- and knowing that it is just a matter of time until the daughter looks equally as crappy if she has no plans to do anything different.

Ultimately, I look at my wife's parents and wouldn't want her taking after them at their age. And my wife has mentioned to me that she wouldn't want that either.

 

Somehow, you can make the point that fitness is very important to you, she is beautiful, it is important to you and in how you respect her that she take an active role in maintaining her health. 

Do you know any fatty friends who put on weight after a baby and didn't take it off (they were good looking pre baby and didn't take the baby weight off leaving them lookin frumpy)?  Maybe that person could come up in discussion.  "Wow, Jane would look so great if she lost about 15 lbs.  If she were working with Wendy down at the gym 3x a week, that weight would fall off and she could tone everything up.  It's too bad she is too depressed to do that for herself" or something. 

She judges women's baby weight on Facebook all the time -- which is why I use it as a medium for my approach. 

 So, since I've started complements on her body, she makes sarcastic comments like, "That's because I work so hard going up the four stairs at work." or "That's the reward for forgetting to eat lunch so often. It takes dedication, but I manage." 

 Essentially, she knows she's doing nothing and perhaps my comments are hitting home, but not in a bad way, since I am providing a complement.

This approach will take time, but I think it may work yet.

Serendipity

I think "forgetting to eat lunch" may eventually catch up and screw up her metabolism.

BomberJacket

Serendipity said:

I think "forgetting to eat lunch" may eventually catch up and screw up her metabolism.

As a practitioner of intermittent fasting, I have to disagree with your metabolism argument. While, she's not doing it on purpose for a specific effect, metabolism doesn't change from not eating until 60 hours into a fast. Skipping lunch would have a negligible effect on metabolism.

Edit: I should correct my previous statement and say that metabolism doesn't decrease until after 60 hours. It may increase up to 48 hours into a fast. Either way, the "starvation mode" myth and "three squares" construct can be safely ignored in regards to metabolism concerns for a healthy individual. 

Source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3661473

BomberJacket

SWA said:

Telling her she looks so great when she isn't working out, might convince her that she doesn't have to work out? 

It's something I'll have to figure out. She can already see my motivations when I'm complementing her, and she knows she's not doing anything to deserve it. However, the status quo has been me not really complementing her. 

Funnily enough, I've noticed her complementing me back, which she does occasionally, but not to this degree.

It's definitely an experiment.

Serendipity

Thanks @Bomberjacket for that insight. I just know what works for me and obviously YMMV For me I do really well eating every 2-3 hours, but reality is I can't always do that, but I did an experiment once and eating every 2-3 hours with foods that revved up the metabolism (supposedly) showed noticable changes to my body and the scale.