Are pet names a shit test?

gusgus Member Posts: 79
edited April 2013 in Married Life
I notice my GF will call me "sweetie" or "poppet" in one of two situations: when things are good between us, or as part of another minor shit test like a minor inconvenience.  

Is this a shit test? And in fact, is the first time a shit test too? I told her to stop calling me these names at one point, and I wonder if that was wrong because I wouldn't want to punish genuine affection, but it feels a little condescending. She even came in and said "can you print those pictures sweetie... (it's a reasonable request because they're on my computer, but I stare) I mean, gorgeous... I mean... oh, what can I call you! *laughs*" or something to that effect. SHe wasn't in trouble, I just didn't want to react to the pet name. 

Happy to print the pictures though, as she can't do it and it's for a school thing.

While on the topic of shit tests, here's another:

She says "Okay?" all the time. When I come in the room usually. Sometime twice in the space of two minutes. Feels like a little hoop being thrown down, so I either talk about something else or just turn it straight back at her, and probably answer it for real about one in four times. Is this a shit test? I don't see where this fits into the excellent shit test compendium but by Mystery's old Hoop Theory (which I find much more easier for identifying and dealing with shit tests) it seems to fit. Thoughts?
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Comments

  • TimSim1971TimSim1971 Oregon -USSilver Member Posts: 1,033

    I hope pet names aren't a shit test....MrsTim hasn't called me by my actual name in a loooooong time....I'not  really understanding how "sweetie" is a bad thing...Haven't heard "poppet" before.

    I understand that if you don't like it, and have asked her to stop, she should....but - how long has she beeen using Pet names...vs how long have you given her to "get" this new requirement?

    I totally don't understand the "Okay" thing - -could you elaborate?

    We drive brand new cars and we light fine cigars,

    We shine like small town stars through the best days of our lives,

    Hold on before you see, that you’re better off without me,


     

  • CMHCMH CanadaSilver Member Posts: 682

    I am in such deep trouble if pet names are a shit test!  I hardly ever call Beau by his first name.  In fact all told maybe 3 times! In return he hardly ever calls me by my first name either and it sounds odd and harsh when he does.

    I take it that you don't call her by any pet names then.  Too bad, they can be sort of a bonding thing between you especially if it's something not generic but specific to the 2 of you.  ie, Beau is sometimes known as Sgt. Sexy.

     

    Angela
  • moabboundmoabbound The Llanos of NMSilver Member Posts: 459
    My wife never called me by my name until shit got bad. Now wont call me anything but by my name. I miss it honestly. It told me she was still there.
    _______________________________
    Must not sleep... Must warn others...
    Angeline
  • gusgus Member Posts: 79
    edited April 2013
    @timsim1971 When she says "Okay?" I mean she's asking if I'm okay. This is a very normal thing to do I guess, but like I say above, she does it so often that I wonder if it's a reactive light shit test to see if I'll hop skip and jump every time. I can't tell. I also don't want to punish any genuine interest in me! 

    @girlgamer_newb "Depends on the name, imo" - the two names I notice are 'poppet' and 'sweetie'. I don't like them. Maybe that's enough to know I should tell her to stop, or at least ask her to think of something different.
  • European_BobEuropean_Bob EuropeSilver Member Posts: 139
    @gus is it possible that kind words are her main love language? we tend to give in the LL that we would most like to receive in, so maybe both examples are just ways of her showing affection?

    Mrs Bob used to use one name for me in German that I hated. I made it a rule that every time she used it she then had to say 3 times in German "not name" etc. it was quite a successful playful way to stop her. Now she uses a range of other names that I do like :)
                                                                                                                           

    If quizzes are quizical, what are tests?
  • MrBrainsMrBrains Member Posts: 19
    @picard My wife does that all the time. Even during sex if I slow down to catch my breath. It's insanity. I'm guessing she wants a different outcome.
    "If your boring...She's whoring." - A. Kay
  • BenBen Silver Member Posts: 3,651
    Re: "are you okay?":

    Ms. Plato seems to think I'm made of glass.  If she ever bumps me even a little, like if our teeth knock together while kissing or whatever, she freaks out and asks if I'm okay and did she hurt me.  It can be kind of a mood breaker.

    I've learned that interrupting her with "sssshhhhh" and then going back to whatever I was doing (usually kissing her or fucking her brains out) works better than waiting for her to finish her sentence and assuring her that I'm fine and she didn't bump me that hard.

    ---

    In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
    SmashmasterTalktome
  • Natalie_LorinNatalie_Lorin Southern USSilver Member Posts: 979
    I tend to use "Babe" or "Love" or the perennial favorite "Darlin.'"  Sometimes if we're joking around it'll get to the "awwww, don't you want to be my cootsy wittle cuddle muffin?" to which the only reply is "yep, and I'll call you xyz in walmart." It's just teasing at that point.
  • RoneRone Los AngelesSilver Member Posts: 34
    It's all about your frame of mind. She can call you sugar dumplings, but if you're acting like the "man" and that is clear, nothing else matters.
    Smashmaster
  • PhoenixDownPhoenixDown TejasGold Women Posts: 10,632
    I hardly ever call mook by his real name, unless I really want to get his attention... it's usually "honey" or "babe". 

    If he didn't like it, I'd make an effort to stop though... I think perhaps the refusal to stop at your request is the shit test. 

    SmashmasterWildflower
  • TimSim1971TimSim1971 Oregon -USSilver Member Posts: 1,033

    Now I understand the "Okay" thing. That would get old...if they were coming frequently.

    @Picard has the best response that i have seen..turn it into something funny...that will probably help take the stress off you as well.

    We drive brand new cars and we light fine cigars,

    We shine like small town stars through the best days of our lives,

    Hold on before you see, that you’re better off without me,


     

  • AmiAmi Silver Member Posts: 300
    Pet names are really personal. My dad thought they were condescending and no one in my family ever used them. My H on the other hand lived in an area and family that loved pet names. It didn't take long for me to go over to the dark side an become a huge fan of pet names. Now we have ones for each kid, our pets and each other. And I don't think they are condescending at all. To me they are verbal affection.
  • manningengelsmanningengels Member Posts: 54
    edited April 2013
    I'm not sure about this whole 'analyzing if something was a shit test' thing. I mean, I know people do shit test each other, and you need to be aware of that. But, wondering if something is a shit test or not, afterwards? That seems like putting too much emphasis on what the other person intends, and not enough on how you feel.

    So, if you genuinely don't like being called 'poppet', you gotta say something. (I see that you did and she is trying to respond).

    Point is, it's much easier to see when people are messing with your boundaries, if you have told them where your boundaries are.

    For the record - if my wife ever called me 'poppet' she would definitely be teasing me, and I would want to respond in kind, probably by saying something like "Don't you poppet me, you little wench." With a smile, naturally. 

    (I love the word "wench". She loves it sometimes...)

    I have actually told her I don't much like being called 'sweetie' and she has said she'll avoid it. So, if she uses that word now, I know she's definitely teasing me...
  • gusgus Member Posts: 79
    Update: I said she can call me whatever pet name she wants (and said I would call her 'pudding' because it's sweet but also suggestive that she's... well, I didn't say that part).

    Now she doesn't call me anything. Ha! Like some unintentional reverse psychology. I don't know if she's forgotten or just actively trying not to do something I asked. This girl is such a god damn pro.
  • gusgus Member Posts: 79


    Fitness-test?  Well, yeah, sort of, she just is telling me in her own way that she wants some playful dominance from me.  She is looking for me to swat her on the ass and play back with her.  She is not looking for me to "react" and get annoyed and say "stop that".  That would be failing the light fitness test.

    Part of being Alpha = Playful dominance.  She wants you to play with her.

    This post is EXCELLENT. A really simple way to remember how to just have fun with a partner. Great tip.
  • RedRed Southeast USSilver Member Posts: 445
    Maybe I'm the weird one.  Pet names are nice, and I like the one he calls me, but it'd be really nice to hear him say my name when talking to me.  Maybe because he doesn't do it often. 


    WildflowerNeanderthal2000HildaCorners
  • AngelaAngela Silver Member Posts: 592
    I have an aunt who was not supposed to use her second husband's name because it was the same name as her first husband, and he wasn't sure which man she was thinking of. She always called him "Honey" or "Darlin".
    Neanderthal2000AlphaBellefarmertan
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