Compendium of Loyalty Tests

gus

Since the compendium of shit tests (read it here http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/1772/the-compendium-of-shit-tests) is one of the all-time great game threads, it makes sense to have a loyalty test alternative.

Loyalty test definition, as far as I can tell: requests which are reasonable and check that you're a good caring captain who is worth sticking with for the long haul and check your good beta skills.

One problem might be how loyalty tests could easily be shit tests in a different context - maybe this discussion can help bring clarity to newbies and seasoned captains alike.

Angeline

I don't think the tests themselves will look all that different, it's the context that will be different. Does she believe her SR far outstrips yours and she's doing a favor to grant access to the Golden Vagina? Or is your SR rising off the chart, she's seeing IOI's thrown at you left and right, and she's expressed worry that your changes mean you're out the door?

EinMan

Nothjing loaded. It says this:

Discussion Not Found

The page you were looking for could not be found.

Athol_Kay

Means the original thread starter deleted their account or asked for the thread to be removed.

SaigoTakamori

I had  Saved it!..Woot Woot

 

 

The Compendium of Shit Tests<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

O.k.. Captains. So you think you are good at passing shit tests? Well, I thought I was too until I spent the past few days thinking about what really is and isn't a shit test.

 

As we all know from MMSLP, not failing shit tests is a key component of the MAP. Essentially, these interactions between you and your wife/girl are used to establish the dominance hierarchy between you. Why does it matter? Because she doesn't want to have sex with someone that's beneath her; she's not going to be attracted. 

 

Yet, we can all attest to the difficult of figuring out what is and is not a shit tests; there are posts on this forum all the time about 'was this a shit test and if so did I handle it right?'

 

So I've compiled a list of every shit test I can think of, and I'm posting them on the forum for the benefit of all. I'm sure I missed some, so please, add any you can think of!! 

 

The unreasonable request - This is the classic test that @Athol_Kay describes in MMSLP, whereby she asks you to get something for her that she can easily do for herself. Example: She's standing in the kitchen and you are somewhere else. She asks you to get her something from the pantry. If you get it for her, you're a chump.

 

The unreasonble tone - This might or might not accompany an unreasonable request, but it's demanding something from you. Example: You're in the kitchen. She's on the couch. She tells you to get you a coke from the fridge.

 

The emasculating test - This may be a reasonable request and she might ask you in a reasonable tone, but she's asking you to do something that makes you look like less of a man. Asking you to hold her purse while she goes to the bathroom is the classic version of this. 

 

The come hither test - My wife does this to me all the time. This is the test where she yells her request for you across the house or simply yells, "Honey. Can you come here?" I've been especially bad about this because I never yell across the house at her; yelling across the house at someone is rude. So in the past, I've always come to her. Make her come to you. 

 

The competency test - My wife also does this one. All. The. Time. This is the test where she makes a statement or asks a question about what you've done or how you've done it. The back-seat driver is the classic example. You are a fully capable driver. Don't let her tell you how to drive or anything else for that matter. If you truly aren't competent at something, you can't be the Captain.

 

 

SaigoTakamori

h

        

          

The 'you failed' test - This one is probably common in women that give the competency test. Basically she makes a big deal about the fact that you've done something wrong. The key is that her response is too big for the mistake. Hey we are all humans. You are going to fuck up sometimes. Don't let her make a big deal out of it, and don't apologize (especially if she's making a big deal out of it). Tell her how you will fix the problem. Tell her you've got it under control. Tell her to calm the fuck down. Own up to your mistakes. Just don't let her use them against you.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

The jealousy test - There have been some discussions about mate guarding on the forum and so some people may disagree with how to handle this situation. Having said that, the jealousy test is when she talks to some other man specifically with the intent of making you jealous. In this case, the only appropriate response is Agree and Amplify. Give her a condom.

 

The I'm perfect test - My wife also does this one frequently. Basically, You voice that you're unhappy with her or point out that she's done something wrong. She retaliates by getting angry. Basically, she's mad at you for pointing out that she's not perfect. It's a test because she wants you to come groveling back to her and apologize. Ignore her.

 

cond.....

 

SaigoTakamori

 

 

The last-minute-resistance test - This is where she's been receptive to your sexual advances all day, and then when you finally initiate, she gives you an excuse (I'm tired; I'm hot; I'm just not in the mood). She hasn't said 'no'. Push through. If you give into her, you're letting her control the sex.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

The sexual rejection test - This is similar to the last-minute resistance test, but she just gives you the hard 'no' when you initiate sex. Regardless of whether this is an actual test or not, she will evaluate your response. Anything other than outcome independence will appear weak

 

The escalation test - This is the test she gives where you've passed a fitness test. You just told her 'No. Get your own coke.' All of a sudden you are the biggest asshole on the planet. If you give in now, you will have undone everything you've accomplished. Stand your ground.

 

The bitching about your decision test - You've made a decision. You've decided to go to restaurant X. If she really doesn't want to go there, she could say "Can we instead go to Y?" Instead, she says something like "Not X; we always go to X.". If she doesn't like your decision, she should state so, but don't whine or bitch. 

 

SaigoTakamori

 

     

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

The you don't love me test - A classic. Her complaint: you never buy her flowers; you aren't nice to her; you don't kiss her feet or lick her ass. For Pete's sake, don't do what she just complained about.

O.k. That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure the Captains (and the FOs) can think of some more. 

"The secret to alpha is simple. Maintain this frame at all times: 'I am the King'" - Me

The rewriting agreements test - I got this one a couple weeks ago.  You both agree on something earlier, but then she decides after that she no longer is happy with that and tries to escalate an argument about it.  For example, we agreed to let each other take turns sleeping in one weekend.  The day I slept in, she started calling me lazy and that I did nothing.  Call her out on it or ignore her and continue on your day.  Do not engage.

   

Kheldar

Something of an aside, but I've come to recognize that sometimes my desire for my wife to have more sex with me is, at least in part, a loyalty test.

Kheldar

MILF_in_training said:

@TheWolf, there are a lot of threads you should have saved. Because we've appointed you the Official MMSL Archivist, no?


The biggest Loyalty Test I know of the the "I'm Worthless" test, where the tester males some claim that they rank very low, expecting the testee to tell them how wonderful they are. "You only love me for my boobs/money/hair/etc" is a classic.

Is there a recommended response for this one? Go ahead and tell them how wonderful they are?

redheaded_woman

The emasculating test - This may be a reasonable request and she might ask you in a reasonable tone, but she's asking you to do something that makes you look like less of a man. Asking you to hold her purse while she goes to the bathroom is the classic version of this.


How is this a test?

Last night my husband held my purse while I put my coat on....he was the only person standing there....I didn't want to put it in the floor....if that's a test I certainly didn't do it on purpose...

Zoroaster

redheaded_woman said:

The emasculating test - This may be a reasonable request and she might ask you in a reasonable tone, but she's asking you to do something that makes you look like less of a man. Asking you to hold her purse while she goes to the bathroom is the classic version of this.


How is this a test?

Last night my husband held my purse while I put my coat on....he was the only person standing there....I didn't want to put it in the floor....if that's a test I certainly didn't do it on purpose...

To me, that's squarely in "reasonable request" territory. As a team, you help each other out when necessary. But there's a difference between doing it discreetly and seamlessly, and loudly calling attention to it.

FlyingDutchman

Snoopy

This is an interesting thread for me. One of the big contributing factors in changing our marriage from an average marriage to something I would describe as awesome is when I stopped treating my wife's tests as fitness tests and started treating them as loyalty tests. I am trying to figure why that is.  But that is probably for another thread/time. 

FlyingDutchman

Angeline said:

I don't think the tests themselves will look all that different, it's the context that will be different. Does she believe her SR far outstrips yours and she's doing a favor to grant access to the Golden Vagina? Or is your SR rising off the chart, she's seeing IOI's thrown at you left and right, and she's expressed worry that your changes mean you're out the door?

In my experience they look very different.  They might both be tests/complaints, but a fitness-test comes from a place of lack of attraction (lack of alpha):

Fitness test = bitchiness/lack of respect/lack of attraction/moving away from you

While a loyalty test comes from a place of insecurity (enough alpha but lack of beta):

Loyalty test = neediness/wanting attention/looking for affection/clingy

They're like night and day difference to me.  I see a lot of posts where guys are saying they were mistaking loyalty tests for fitness tests. I'm curious about other people's take on this. Maybe I'm missing something??

Angeline

I meant the substance of the test might be the same, but like you said, the underlying need for comfort vs. need for alpha is sometimes easy to determine. Sometimes it isn't. For guys who have been very beta, bump back on new alpha can look a lot like worried feelers to see if he's still in it for the long haul.

dalef

I don't think A&A is a good response to her trying to provoke jealousy; that comes a little to close to what I did when previous GFs did that. I would go with either mate guarding or ultimatum.

Purse-holding: If I'm holding your perse, I'm flirting outrageously. Your choice.

redheaded_woman

Well, great.

Now I'm freakin' paranoid to ask my husband for help with simple meaningless stuff.

Grumble grumble grumble

Is every word out of my mouth just a big ol' test of some kind?

redheaded_woman

@posse WTF? That really hurt me.

I was being absolutely serious.

I have made every conceivable effort for 15 years of marriage to not be a nag or a hag.

Reading stuff like this makes me question everything I think about whether or not I'm a good enough wife.

And that makes me really sad. I don't want to be "that woman".

Britguy68

@redheaded_woman. From what I've read of your marriage it sounds very similar to mine. Pretty level headed, you both just get on and do what's needed in the marriage from an operational viewpoint. My wife doesn't test me very often, it just isn't in her nature, I suspect you are the same.

redheaded_woman

@posse You know how guys reading here get paranoid about GNOs and want to install a VAR and key logger??

Well, I get paranoid about not wanting to "turn into" some of the wives I read about here.

I am not my best self today and I was frustrated when I wrote my post. My exasperation did make it sound like I was joking.

Both of my husband's sisters are absolutely "blue pill" and before I even knew such a thing, I vowed never to make my husband feel like my BILs. So to hear that I "test" my husband even subconsciously sets me on edge.

I'm sorry for wearing my heart on my sleeve tonight.

{Internet stranger hugs}