Yet Another Affair (Divorce?) Story

PhoenixDown

Your kids know something isn't right. Staying together "for the kids" isn't necessarily the best path, since it sounds like you're using that as a rationalization to do nothing.

You shouldn't feel horrible. She's the one that blew up the marriage... She just didn't have the decency to leave you before she found someone else. 

Tell her mom, tell the OM's wife, tell your friends, and give her the papers.

BoneDaddyJive

@buddyf your inaction in this does not bode well for your future happiness. You should already be MAPping hard. The A in MAP stands for ACTION. Your marriage is dead. Whenever someone close to you dies, it is your responsibility to make the final arrangements.

Right now, the rotting corpse of your marriage is a health hazard to you and everyone around you. Time to incinerate it or bury it.

no_chump

Do this first: http://www.shrink4men.com/2010/10/27/leaving-an-abusive-wife-pre-divorce-checklist/ Buddy, I don't believe you have any chance of saving things unless you blow things up. OM's wife, your wife's family and friends. Completely isolate her without support. You can't kick the OM in the teeth; let his wife do that. Others can comment on this, but I believe most men, when caught, will try to stay in their marriage. Force the OM to tell your wife he doesn't want her and never loved her. I would be attempted to do that even if you are ending the marriage. If you are looking for a reality check, hire a P.I. In the meantime, work the pre-divorce plan.

Athol_Kay

Just nuke the OM by telling his wife, thank and say goodbye to your MIL, (it disarms the hell out of them)  file for divorce.

no_chump

Another thing. The OM's wife, from her end, might be able to come up with that last coffin nail you're looking for, either through personal or financial records, or very possibly in the form of a full confession.

buddyf

BoneDaddyJive said:

@buddyf your inaction in this does not bode well for your future happiness. You should already be MAPping hard. The A in MAP stands for ACTION.

This is both my fear and my driver. With the truth in the full light of the day, I want to be able to respect myself and I want my kids' respect. That was a recent turning point for me right before starting this thread: would my son someday see me as the one who broke up the family, or as a chump, or as a strong man who did the right thing for himself and his children? What am I really modeling for my children by staying?

446

@buddyf

What would you tell your son to do in your situation?

Angeline

buddyf said:

BoneDaddyJive said:

@buddyf your inaction in this does not bode well for your future happiness. You should already be MAPping hard. The A in MAP stands for ACTION.

This is both my fear and my driver. With the truth in the full light of the day, I want to be able to respect myself and I want my kids' respect. That was a recent turning point for me right before starting this thread: would my son someday see me as the one who broke up the family, or as a chump, or as a strong man who did the right thing for himself and his children? What am I really modeling for my children by staying?

He won't see the full picture until he reaches those stages in his own life. He'll resent you for breaking up the family, until he has a close shave with a bad love affair and feels the sense of relief when it's over. He won't appreciate that your love for your children will cause you to do things that seem hurtful in the short term, until he has his own children.

buddyf

446 said:

@buddyf What would you tell your son to do in your situation?

"Leave the <unmentionable adjective> <unmentionable noun>!"

sodbuster

start saving cash, get the pictures and stuff you want out where she can't get them,change the locks when she's gone...and start dropping NUKES on W,MIL,OM,OM's WIFE