Just discovered my son was looking at porn

Templar

soa2005 said:

My dad discovered my search history on the family computer when I was a teenager. He very calmly told me that if he ever found those disturbing images again he would show them to my mother (hardcore movies, not topless pics or something similar).To this day I'm still embarrassed when I think about it and I thank God he didn't involve my mom. Also, I never searched for porn on the family computer again. 

@TooEarlyTooLate
I can understand your wife freaking out but obviously it's not working. The fact that your son seems anti social and doesn't show an interest in meeting real girls makes me agree with your wife that you guys have to do something. 

If your wife talking to him isn't working then I think you need to step in. Depending on your upbringing, religious beliefs, moral compass etc there are a bunch of different ways you could go about this.

For example we're Catholic so while my dad didn't mention God or the Church ,during our discussion , I'm sure that's where he was coming from. 

That's exactly how I handled it with my eldest son, when I found he had been on the computer looking at it. He was 15 or something like that. He probably looks at it at college, but now he is an adult and the it is entirely his responsibility to keep his own life on the straight and narrow. When he was a kid, I considered it my job to tell him what I believe is right and wrong, and yes, as some people would say, to "impose my values" on him. If they really are my values, I would want my son to follow them. If not, either I really only give those values lip service or am not really too dependable/constant.

Reborn

I considered it my job to tell him what I believe is right and wrong, and yes, as some people would say, to "impose my values" on him.

If you don't, someone else will

Jek

I'm not trying to be funny here, it is a super serious situation that everyone else seems to be giving great advice on.  

Disclaimer: I am not phobic or a basher.

But I would, at minimum, give your husband a silent fist bump that at least it was girls that he was looking at.

Reborn

Legs said:

My eight year old used Siri to search for "Ladies' crotches."  

From what I remember of my eight-year old self (and that is a long time ago), at that age it's more likely to be an overwhelming curiosity and a desire for information, about the grown-up secret covered-up stuff, rather than what an adult male might be doing, which is a search for titillation in an attempt to revive jaded energies and excitements.  

Which is a long way of saying, it's not necessarily unhealthy at that age - information needs to be provided, and at an appropriate time, some quite explicit anatomical information.  It can cause big problems when people (of either sex) go into a first relationship not really knowing exactly what goes where or what a clitoris is and where to find it. An eight to ten year old male instinctively knows there is information he needs to find out. 

Blackwulf

Wow, I couldn't imagine my wife leading the talk with my son on sex.   I have had the first very basic sex talk with my son a few months ago, he just turned 9.  I just felt it was time, I didn't tell my wife until a few weeks ago, but I wanted her to be sure that was being taken care of.   I expect my wife to handle it with our daughter.

We home school so sour kids exposure to other kids is limited and fairly controlled.   We watch enough nature shows that my kids get the idea of "mating."  My dad was a science teacher and grew up on a farm, I grew up next to farms so I could see big mammals mating outside at times.  My son doesn't get that, but I don't want there to be no surprises.  

CountryDude

Porn addiction is a real and serious addiction.

Have you ever seen this video?



I recommend installing K9 Web Protection to block access.

I wouldn't know exactly how to talk to a teenage boy about this, but you should.

Maybe try to educate him about the dangers of porn.

He may need to channel his energy, sport perhaps?

Is he shy? This doesn't help. The sooner he can talk to girls the better. Looking at porn won't give him a very healthy view of women, especially considering that most porn on the web is weird and vile nowadays. I am surprised all he saw was topless nudes.

You need to teach him to a have a healthy view of women.

You need to teach him to be confident to talk to girls and he has to trust that he can talk to you about his love life. He will have a love life soon, given his age. Most boys his age have French kissed a girl by now.

He will soon be a young man. He needs sex education.

He should not be encouraged to have sex, I am not suggesting that. But he is at a time in his life where he needs guidance on this kind of stuff.