Ohhh!! I get it! I finally understand!

Maria

JellyBean said:

I'm having trouble picturing this look.  Help a sister out with some pictures, pretty please?

I'm thinking this:

          

Maria

Or this
    

Louise

Maria said:

JellyBean said:

I'm having trouble picturing this look.  Help a sister out with some pictures, pretty please?

I'm thinking this:

          

Those are very pretty. The pink one on the right is a bit short though, if the skirt was below the knee it would be lovely.

Hamster_Free

So, along this line...I've been unemployed since March, so in between job hunting and child minding, I've been tackling those home projects that have been laying idle for over a year.  Which means I'm in a constant state of getting dirty, which means there's little point in putting on the Navy dress with the silver ballet flats. 

Lately, the last week or so, I've been watching back episodes of Mad Men for retro interior references--and of course got hooked on the soap in the meantime.  Am I ever glad there are a few years to catch up on..  and in one plot line, diva housewife (Betty Draper) gets wind that high powered alpha husband is likely having an affair (Don) and goes into a pit of depression and stops with the Grace Kelly look and starts with the completely unmade up January Jones look.  *OH*.  THAT'S the visual difference.  I actually stopped during that scene and looked myself up and down.  Yup.  i was there.

HOWEVER...

I do not have the financial resources to hire an interior decorator or to have 'my girl' come and clean and take care of the kids so I can prance about in pearls all day.  I also really like the painting/building/fixity work that requires me to dash out to Home Depot in somewhat mucky clothes because there's ABSOLUTELY no point in wasting 20-30 minutes on either side of the errand to 'put on my face' just to take it off again when I get back in 10 minutes.   DH has illustrated multiple times this week that if he's wearing clothes he cares about when doing messy things, the clothes he cares about will get messy (cue pissy fit because of a drop of paint on a four year old tee shirt..followed by his removal of himself from the activity because he's so torn up about the damned shirt.  Which is actually ok with me because then I can enjoy getting it done without the micromanagement.).

So yeah, I haven't been working the wardrobe girl game.  I have been fixing up the house...not sure if that's girl game or slightly intimidating encroaching on man game, but...meh.  I'm done caring.  I'm making MY house a place *I* enjoy being...and meanwhile hoping  for my credit space to last until I get hired so I can pay them down again.

BLUF--I definitely need to work on my wardrobe girl game..but as is always said, for me, not for him.  Beyond the cordial peck on the cheek and goodbye-for-the-day smooch, he's not giving me the time of day anyway.  Might as well amp up the pretty so *I* enjoy looking at me..and others looking at me too.  I'm mid-30s, so the pretty isn't gone, but it is a little buried, so I need to shore up that breach now before it's too late. 

Thanks for reminding me. 

Chimpy

I see this with women ALL THE TIME. They have decided that what they are or what they do defines them and should be enough, right up till the moment when they try and turn the charm on to some bloke and its like trying to light a fire with wet wood. Followed by a bitch fit becuase the bloke didn't find the sack of shit look sexy. 

That and the way they look at the fat bloke in the trakky bottoms and sneer about how he looks

8-|

Hamster_Free

PS..6yo DD is quite the fashionista and constantly encouraging me to wear more dresses and high heels, put my hair up and wear red lipstick.  She's also working as my enthusiastic personal trainer on an erratic basis.  She reads pretty well now..I should probably stop leaving my computer open on this site...

Maria

Louise said:

Those are very pretty. The pink one on the right is a bit short though, if the skirt was below the knee it would be lovely.

Agree. They are pretty, colourful, cute, interestingly cut - but hiding rather than emphasising feminine curves.

Angeline

Savage said:

My wife does not take this level of care for herself, and TBH, it's a DLV even though I try...try...to ignore it.  She's in hospital scrubs 99% of the time.  When she does dress up it's to go to work.  When she goes out on "date night" she wears some hippie/feminist I'm a badass outfit that's cute, but not feminine.

When we are out, I feel like people look at us, and don't quite get it.  It's just a little....off.  One year ago, it fit a lot better, but I can see the girls looking at us and see the quizzical look in their eyes.  She has a very sexy body, but she hides it.....under layers.  Or in v neck tshirts that are boob shows, but nothing to go with it that screams class.

But...I remember one expo that I was working a booth.  We were dating.  It was 10 years ago.  My wife got dressed up to the 9's and did ever little detail of her makeup, her outfit, clear down to the high level boots.  I was sitting there minding my own business, and she came into the expo.

I didn't expect her, I didn't know she was coming.  But when she walked through the door, I will NEVER forget how she looked.  How EVERY guy in the place turned towards her.  She walked down the aisle and I swear it was slow motion.  Sashaying hips and everything.  She walked straight to our booth and sat down in my lap and gave me a huge kiss.

There wasn't a guy there that wasn't jealous, and there wasn't a girl in that building that wasn't looking me over all of a sudden. 

I felt like fucking King Kong.  Pre-marriage, I knew my value.

That was 10 years ago, and I'll never forget that moment. 

I'm ready to feel that again. 

Perhaps part of your State Your Expectations should be a printout of this (do not dilute it in any way) and a gift card to go shopping with you for feminine clothes.

It won't go over unless it stings a much as this post should. That is a terrible indictment of her bait and switch, lack of effort approach to the marriage.

TheatreMommy

Maria said:

Louise said:

Those are very pretty. The pink one on the right is a bit short though, if the skirt was below the knee it would be lovely.

Agree. They are pretty, colourful, cute, interestingly cut - but hiding rather than emphasising feminine curves.

I think tha feminiminty definitions are regional... for the clothes. On the west coast, clothing like that was considered much much more feminine than the clothing say of the 50's woman or MadMen etc. Some little makeup... little braids in the hair making an angel cut... flowers in the hair... but showing the curves and not too layered... You could be supremely gorgeous and a flower child without giving up any game.

But the look here, regionly, s muchmore office. It jarred when I was west and turned men off obecause the men were mostly hippy too... But here, where everyone is all about Government Hill etc, dressing to the office standard is much more targetted.

Probably like how jeans, cowboy boots and the right shirt can be super hot in Alberta or the southern states... but isn't always appropriate/targetted for the Hot response in other locations.

Girl Game has regional rules, but the basics are there for all... Show that you are a woman. Accentuate your features. Take time.

Want2bFO

 Gwen, one of the things that hit me on your post was that you were in the market with your young son. Honestly, youre still in the decades of your life in which you have children at home and you think the years to be careful of your looks are over?  Baby, I am aging but I am going down fighting. Im latina and in most latin cultures " caring for self" is  ingrained in girls. Is not about spending alot of money on clothes or globs of make-up. Its about looking as female as possible at any age. Its recognizing that perhaps men and women are equal but we are very different and that difference is revered.  I not  home in pearls and heels. But I developed a system of levels for clothes. Every year I buy some simple casual clothes. I live in tropical USA so its mostly capris, shorts, sundresses, skirts, t shirts. Those are my " level 1 good clothes" worn for going out for that year. The following year the those clothes get demoted to " level 2 at home"clothes and I buy more "level 1 good clothes". I keep one or two things around for yard work etc. But nothing in the closet that is stained, faded, stretched out , shrunk or frumpy. Ever. I keep the level 2 clothes nice by wearing an apron in the kitchen.  OMG! yes I said aprons. Those girly things that save ur clothes from  kitchen stains. There is a reason our grandmothers wore these....they work. Get your girl game on. Begin with looking like a girl at home. OK, Nuf said.<img src="null" />

Redford

Girl Game has regional rules, but the basics are there for all... Show that you are a woman. Accentuate your features. Take time.

It's also very situational and depends on attitude as much as on actual clothes, a lot of the time.

I have several really good dresses, but not a lot of occasions to wear them, given our lifestyle. I make an effort to wear them every chance I get, but that's maybe 4-5 times a year, tops.

Then, I have everyday clothes for running errants, hanging out with friends, grabbing lunch with Husband, etc. I pick cute things, but again, I don't have a lot of places to wear them because of our lifestyle. I wear those maybe once a week.

By day, I'm a teacher. My school is not at all conservative, but still, I need to look like I didn't fall off a tree, at least most of the time. Pulling off feminine clothes without making horny teenagers climb the walls is a fine line to walk. I think I pull it off well, although it's pretty far from the classy lady look many describe on this thread.

By night and on days off, I'm a horsewoman. That's pretty much how I dress any time I'm not in school and also how my husband sees me 90% of the time. And so I make an effort to buy barn clothes that are functional and still look good. On a normal day, I'll be wearing Wranglers, a cute top, a bling belt, a cute baseball cap, and Ariat boots. Most definitely feminine when done the right way.

My point is that not everyone has a lifestyle that fits fancy clothes and high heels and make up, but you can still look good and feminine in whatever you wear if you put a little bit of effort in it and if you have the right attitude. You don't have to wear high heels to look feminine. I rock my Q-Baby Wranglers and cute Ariat boots when I work around the barn or run to the feed store. No one could ever mistake me for a man or think I'm sexless in them. And I also happen to know for a fact that's the look Husband prefers on me.

Basically, I am never, ever going for the classy older lady look, EVER, because that's not who I am. To me, the day you start aiming for classy instead of sexy, that is the day you start giving up. I'm going for the confident, sexy, fun look that is ME and that my Husband happens to love. And I'll be rocking my tight jeans and fancy boots and bling belts until I have to be hoisted onto a horse from my wheelchair, damnit!

Timitz

Louise said:

Maria said:

JellyBean said:

I'm having trouble picturing this look.  Help a sister out with some pictures, pretty please?

I'm thinking this:

          

Those are very pretty. The pink one on the right is a bit short though, if the skirt was below the knee it would be lovely.

If you say so... I just know sex isn't happening when my wife wears that stuff.

PhoenixDown

If I'm gonna be doing something super messy, I'll wear my yoga pants and t-shirt, but I make sure I change into something pretty about 30 minutes to an hour before he comes home (or before I go out). Cooking after that happens in a cute apron. There are some super adorable retro aprons on Etsy.com.

Only exception is weekend mornings, we both slack off then.

Louise

Timitz said:

Maria said:

JellyBean said:

I'm having trouble picturing this look.  Help a sister out with some pictures, pretty please?

I'm thinking this:

          

Those are very pretty. The pink one on the right is a bit short though, if the skirt was below the knee it would be lovely.

If you say so... I just know sex isn't happening when my wife wears that stuff.

Well, I've never yet found any clothes that puts my husband off having sex with me. we are usually naked when we do that anyway, so the clothes are irrelevent by that time. i think some men are more easily put off than others.

Timitz

@Louise
You misunderstand. Those clothes mean she's going to put up more resistance to sex, and is actively trying to discourage my interest. I've rarely had a good outcome on a grandma dress day. Most of the girls I know wear those types of clothes when they are on their periods or doing girls night type stuff anyway so its usually wiser to take it for the "not tonight" it usually is.

Savage

I think she actually HAS a couple of those outfits, and yes, that's dead on to the type of outfits she wears.  Whereas, this is what I like:

 

 

 

BetaGeek

Savage said:

I think she actually HAS a couple of those outfits, and yes, that's dead on to the type of outfits she wears.  Whereas, this is what I like:

 

 

 

It looks like an easy outfit to pull off too ... I mean to accomplish.

Kathrynthegreat

The outfits @Savage posted where what I had in mind when he said the "I'm a badass outfit."  Jeans/heels/leather.  I have a couple of those.  Usually it means I want to be on top.  

Unibew

True That.

Hamster_Free

MILF_in_Training made a comment on another thread about frugality working against a girl.  I'm totally there with the aprons.  They're flippin adorable and they cost money.  There's no way I'd want to get them messy! 

Can anyone do a workup of a really hot 'gettin my hands dirty' look that doesn't violate all rules of frugal common sense?

And fellas, is there any sort of SR compensatory bump for a missus who is doing awesome home improving things, even though dressed to get messy, or am I completely under the hypnotic stare of the Hamster?

*mental note*--I'm definitely going to have to look into this latina ninja girl game thing...