Going to church together

qwerty3656

I've always been a morning person, my wife is not.  Since I get up early, I've always gone to an early mass, and she has always gone with the kids to a later mass (I hate wasting the morning).  I'm concerned this has contributed to my loss of the reigns as the leader of the family.  She is not going to get up and go to an early mass - should I go to the later mass with them? 

 

Really - I guess I'm asking, do you think it is a big deal that we don't go to church as a family?

qwerty3656

As I am thinking this through, this is just one more of the dozens of power struggles we've had over the years (she's a cat person, I'm a dog person...).  Years ago, I wanted to go to an early mass, she wanted to go to a later mass and our compromise was to not compromise. 

qwerty3656

@missusP, I think that is the right solution.  My hesitation is that I have 3-teenage boys (yes this has been going on that long) and they would rather sleep in as well.  I see me turning my whole family against me for the sake of a power play. 

Matt266

@qwerty3656, I was gonna say exactly what @MissusP said.  But to your response, then go with the family, use the morning to do other productive things and then after church lead the family to lunch,dinner, what have you.  Do it their way, but take the lead in it.  And don't let this waste your morning.

Notelrac

do you think it is a big deal that we don't go to church as a family?
Leaving aside the concern that this is just another battleground for you and your wife to fight over dominance issues...

I don't know.  It depends on your wife's spiritual views and those of your faith.  There is something to be said for taking Communion along side someone you love.

What are you doing during the hours that the rest of the family is at church that cannot be time-shifted?

qwerty3656

Notelrac said:

What are you doing during the hours that the rest of the family is at church that cannot be time-shifted?

Nothing really - just like to "start my day".  I'm thinking I should start to go later.  I went later with them last week and it resulted in a big shit test in the car.  Nothing is ever easy.  I think I need to take this head on.

Matt266

What was the shit test in the car?

qwerty3656

We were going to a church she has been to, but I haven't.  She was giving me directions and we missed a turn.  She got very sarcastic about why was I coming to church with them (along the lines of if I hadn't come along with them, we wouldn't be having this problem).  I parked the car told her to get out - she appologised and we went to mass.

pastorgeek

You absolutely will be better off if you go together to church. I get that you're a morning person and they aren't. So do your stuff early, go to church together and then go out to lunch together. It's a win all round.

I'm not a morning person, but I still get up at 5am on Sundays. It can be done if you want to!

Natalie_Lorin

Also - go the the same church. Preferably one that you choose.

CaptainCaveman

With different churches, there are different pastors for the different services. These different pastors teach two different lessons from the same Scripture, or one may not even be Scripturally sound. I would stomp down hard on this one, as it appears as she does not want you to have the primary role in your children's spiritual reinforcement. And that is in violation of 1 Timothy 2:12. Do not command, but lead.

Serenity

qwerty3656 said:

As I am thinking this through, this is just one more of the dozens of power struggles we've had over the years (she's a cat person, I'm a dog person...).  Years ago, I wanted to go to an early mass, she wanted to go to a later mass and our compromise was to not compromise. 

Is this a power struggle .... or just a matter of two different people liking different things?

Who's been the leader in your family for most of the marriage?

qwerty3656

Serenity said:

Is this a power struggle .... or just a matter of two different people liking different things?

Who's been the leader in your family for most of the marriage?

I alluded to the power struggle, because we never seem to be able to compromise about anything.  Most of our "struggles" are because we "like different things".  You say "who's been the leader", I guess people would say her, but it is just because she micromanages everything and I'm more easy going.  We get into arguments because whenever I care about something by definition there is a conflict.  She needs me, more than I need her.  I'm staying for the kids.

never_surrender

Take the kuds with you and go to breakfast together afterwards and sometimes do something else. We will go shopping and several times a year go to the gun range. Stuff like that. This for sure is the right thing to do.