I've been on the forum for quite a while now and reading the books and the blog for a long time before that, and it has all helped tremendously with numerous aspects of my life. I have better grades, more feminine clothing, I'm fitter, a better cook, have more fun in life etc. etc., just like Athol describes in the new book...
The only part where I'm stuck is that, well, I'm still single.
So I've decided to go through the different triage questions from the forum booklet as far as they apply to singles. This is long and detailed... be warned :P
Short info: I'm 23, haven't had a boyfriend yet, had PiV sex with one guy at 21 (mostly out of curiosity, but also because I thought it might help with whatever was blocking me from getting into a relationship, and with being nervous around guys... it at least helped with the latter). I've only kissed a good handful of guys, the first one at 19. I had one fwb-like situation (no PiV) with a male friend for a while, but was already in love with him for quite a while before I accepted his initiations. Unsurprisingly, it ruined the friendship as soon as he found out about my feelings, I felt horrible for about half a year and now have very limited contact with him (and don't want him anymore).
All the people I've ever been in love, or seriously infatuated with, were my friends.
1 - Rule Out Medical:
a) Physical health
I eat healthy (I'm not paleo at the moment, but I still consume lots and lots of vegetables, salad, fruit and meat/fish) and exercise a fair bit (climbing, badminton, occasionally dancing and running). I don't have any medical conditions that I know of and I didn't have any serious illnesses as a child. However, I've been sleeping an incredible lot lately and apparently my heart beats too fast. I have an appointment for a continuous ECG next week, so I'll find out whether there's really a problem or not then.
And I haven't had an orgasm yet. Not sure why, I've tried toys, different techniques etc; I get turned on easily, so I don't think it's hormonal.
b) Mental health
I don't have any mental illnesses; I had a phase when I was 16-18 where I had minor eating disorder issues, but got myself out of it (without therapy).
I now take good care of my body and am very in tune with it.
2- Structural Issues:
a) Career: I'm at college, just started my M.A. and am doing quite well; one of my professors asked me to become a tutor next semester. I occasionally work as a translator or proofreader during the holidays. My field of studies (comparative literature) is not exactly a high-paying job guarantee, but I'm a good student and I got really good internships during my B.A. which, along with the tutoring next semester and the time I spent abroad, build a good resume.
b) Financial: I get financial support from my father but also work when I have the time. I started saving money the moment I started getting an allowance as a child, and occasionally worked during the holidays or on weekends, so by now I have saved up enough money to support myself for almost a year even if I stopped having any kind of income tomorrow.
c) Basic health stuff: not overweight, no addictions, good hygiene, good teeth, good hair, I go to medical check-ups etc. when I'm supposed to.
d) Living situation: I moved around a lot due to the way my B.A. program was organized and because of internships; between high school graduation and now (that's a timespan of about three and a half years), I moved nine times. We also moved a lot when I was a kid (maybe 10 times).
I'm now back in the town where I graduated from high school, because I was accepted at the university here for my M.A. (which has a really good reputation). The housing prices here are insane (one of the highest in Europe, and the highest in the country), and it's almost impossible to get a decent room as a student, so I decided to save money and nerves and move back in with my mother. I pay her a small rent, and I do my share of the household duties, so it's more of a good roommate situation than anything else. We get along very well and help each other with chores whenever one of us has a more stressful phase at work/school.
e) Possibilities of meeting guys: this is kind of difficult.
I went to salsa class in the last town I lived in, and that was great and got me dates with three different guys along with being a lot of fun. I didn't have much time for dancing this semester but will get back into it now that most the semester is over and the holidays are coming nearer.
When I go out with friends, there is often at least one guy in the group. A lot of them are gay, but that doesn't show, so other guys stay away. I try to go out with just girls occasionally, but most of the time, their boyfriend ends up coming along and then I'm un-approachable again.
Also, ALL of my friends are now in relationships. Many of them live together. So generally there is not much "going out" at all, just board game nights at one of the friends' places, or playing badminton or Wii games together. It's a lot of fun but there are no singles there except me.
Guys have talked to me when I went climbing - they can give advice on how to get higher up, so they have a good excuse to chat me up. That happens occasionally but not often.
University doesn't help at all... if I add up all of the guys in all of my classes, I get the staggering number of five. I flirted with one of them once... and then his girlfriend picked him up after the class. Oops. One seems interested in me but shows up to class so rarely that it doesn't lead anywhere. The other two ignore me.
I semi-regularly meet for wednesday lunch with one guy who'd seem generally promising (highly educated, which is relatively important to me; good character, responsible, tall, relatively good-looking and obviously interested in something if he keeps wanting to meet me for lunch) if he weren't so unemotional. All he talks about during these lunches is work, unless I actively change the topic. He seems to like it when I joke around, but doesn't do it himself. I've pretty much given up on him by now.