Leoslayer's Update

leoslayer

Ok so things have been progressing a lot lately.

I let her meet the boys my oldest will be later. She didn't think it went well and I took a big risk doing it but at least that process has been started. I introduced her as my friend.

I'm moving in with her full time. This was sooner than I wanted but the place I'm renting is being foreclosed on and she said why don't you just move in with me.

Sex is not exactly where I want it but I only remember 1 unreasonable no since Feb. It has gotten a lot better. She is more into me. Seems beta has the opposite effect on her than most women.

My new sub work is going well I picked up 2 more gigs since the first one. I'm on the road a lot but the money is pretty good.

Getting in better shape but when on road we eat as a group so I don't have as much control over what I eat like when I'm at home.

I feel pretty good about things overall but there is one question.

She has a lot of money. She rarely touches it and lives on what she makes. I don't want her money and I told her anything she had and did before I moved in was hers obviously and not my business. But how do I handle it if I say no to something financially in the future and she wants it so bad she just goes out and gets it with her pre slayer money? Seems like a philosophical delima where she could undermine leadership.

Version3

leoslayer said:

Getting in better shape but when on road we eat as a group so I don't have as much control over what I eat like when I'm at home.

 

But how do I handle it if I say no to something financially in the future and she wants it so bad she just goes out and gets it with her pre slayer money?

[Hysterical to me how you post in Married Life all the damn time]

First, congrats on introducing her. I know that's a big step for you, and I bet she appreciated it, even if it didn't go as well as she hoped.

Second, I call bullshit on the group eating thing. You can be your own man and order something better/different even if you go to the same place as everyone else. You can also say, "Not interested in that tonight guys. Going someplace else." I do that a lot on biz trips.

Re: finances, I think you know the answer. If she has her own money and wants something, as a capable adult she should be able to get it. So, don't say no, say, "Well, I wouldn't buy that, but it's your money."

Redford

She is more into me. Seems beta has the opposite effect on her than most women.

Nope. That's a misconception of yours that's been pointed out time and time again, on here. All women respond well to good Beta when appropriately delivered.

Your problem has always been the same, dude. You seem to think you're being Alpha just because you're an asshole to her, and you see all Beta, even the good one, as anti-Alpha. Until you fix both those problems (develop genuine Alpha and learn good Beta), you'll going around in circles. Stop pretending and get mapping for true Alpha and good Beta, dude.

leoslayer

Version3 said:

leoslayer said:

Getting in better shape but when on road we eat as a group so I don't have as much control over what I eat like when I'm at home.

 

But how do I handle it if I say no to something financially in the future and she wants it so bad she just goes out and gets it with her pre slayer money?

[Hysterical to me how you post in Married Life all the damn time]

First, congrats on introducing her. I know that's a big step for you, and I bet she appreciated it, even if it didn't go as well as she hoped.

Second, I call bullshit on the group eating thing. You can be your own man and order something better/different even if you go to the same place as everyone else. You can also say, "Not interested in that tonight guys. Going someplace else." I do that a lot on biz trips.

Re: finances, I think you know the answer. If she has her own money and wants something, as a capable adult she should be able to get it. So, don't say no, say, "Well, I wouldn't buy that, but it's your money."

I post in married life because i'm in a commited LTR. I'm moving in and right now have plans of staying with her the rest of my life. To me single section is for plate spinners and those who are looking for an LTR.

Second I don't believe in splitting finances for couples. The exception to that is his and her's pre relationship assets. That's the only catch. If she had no pre relationship money and just said hell with it and did what she wanted that would be a deal breaker for me.

_io

So what's that money for?  She can't ever use it now that you're living with her?  You're telling her you don't want her money, but she can't have it either?

Mr_Brown

OK so dad has a "friend" who he's moving in with? Seems to me like your still not owning the relationship?

And I agree with @Version3 "Well, I wouldn't buy that, but it's your money."

leoslayer

_io said:

So what's that money for?  She can't ever use it now that you're living with her?  You're telling her you don't want her money, but she can't have it either?

It's her money and yes she can use it how she wants. I'm thinking we need a car at some point our combined money says we can get x and she says not good nuff I'll just get it on my own. It's her money to do what she wants with but at the same time it seems pretty rebellious? I try not to let her spend her money on me. Perhaps part of it has to do with that.

leoslayer

Mr_Brown said:

OK so dad has a "friend" who he's moving in with? Seems to me like your still not owning the relationship?




And I agree with @Version3 "Well, I wouldn't buy that, but it's your money."

They have no idea that I'm moving in with her yet and they won't find out for a while. It was a quick 5min meet and greet (a hey fancy running into you these are my boys) that's all they need for now. My oldest knows about her and we are going to dinner together soon.

leoslayer

_io said:

So what's that money for?  She can't ever use it now that you're living with her?  You're telling her you don't want her money, but she can't have it either?

I'd say that's money for her and for her to leave her son. Esp if something happened to me it's her security.

RPPanda

You need to come up with a plan with her about how money is handled. The problem is if she wants to get uppity about spending money she can do whatever because it's still her money and not joint. If you guys have fundamental differences on spending then this is going to be an ongoing issue.

KatherineKelly

Beta behavior will not work on her because she knows you are doing it insincerely. Her value to you is almost if not entirely about the sex which is not such a bad thing because I suspect you are an excellent lover and if anything probably to good which may freak her out if she feels she is getting addicted to the sex.

The last thing a woman wants to do is get hooked on sex with a guy who could disappear at any moment.

It is almost impossible to imagine you living under the same roof with a woman. There is a Spanish phrase that basically translates to "dog foot" for men who are perpetual wanderers and I think you are one of them.

This is not a bad thing but a do think you will feel a sense of claustrophobia giving a woman this much access to your life unless she understands that the closer you are to her the more space she needs to give you. This is critical with men like you.

I like being in relationships with men like you because I do not like men who hover over me or are to emotionally needy and I suspect she may be a little bit like this if she is secure enough in herself not to get to emotionally wrapped up in you.

She must learn how to enjoy you but not allow you to become to important to her.

In may ways you have met the female version of you and it will be interesting to read your posts after living with her a year.

You would be a very easy man to have a relationship with but only if she is an extreme alpha woman which she could be if she would let go of her self doubts and realize she actually holds all the cards in the relationship.

Men who are wanderers place a high value on having a safe sanctuary to return to. You are like a cat that will always need a home no matter how far you travel. She does not have to do anything but allow you to wander and she will keep you for as long as she wants you.

It is a shame she is not on the forum because so far she has been doing everything wrong that a woman could do when in a relationship with a man such as yourself.

Men like you never leave a relationship until they feel they can't and than they run for the door so the more she tries to insert herself into your life the more resistance she gets.

To keep a man like you requires always walking away from, never toward him, psychologically.

I feel bad for her because I do not think she is strong enough to be in a relationship with someone like you.

She has you but she does not realize it.

This is a mistake so many woman make because they do not understand their own powers.

Men need women far more than women need men which is why men are always trying to convince them otherwise in one fashion or another.

Version3

It's a relationship, but moving in together doesn't necessarily qualify it automatically as a LTR. Consider, for example, your stated reason for moving in: my place was being foreclosed. You haven't made a plan for finances, either. Seems like that would be part of a LTR.

 

I can call my cat a dog but it doesn't make it so. Don't mean to bust your balls, but you're still single, not married, not even really very committed at this point.

Version3

KatherineKelly said:

Men need women far more than women need men which is why men are always trying to convince them otherwise in one fashion or another.

Okay, I don;t buy this for a second. But I'm not going to argue the reverse. Instead, I would argue that gender generalizations along these lines are BS. Some guys might need a woman, some guys may not. Ditto for the ladies. There's no gender basis for this statement.

leoslayer

Ok things have been turning bad lately. She really just pissed me off and to be honest I want to cancel family night and just go out on my own. I don't want to be around her right now.

Yeast infection from penicilian plus needed root canal has had sex off the table for about 10days. No kissing either. But I get home and found that she had fapped this afternoon.

I'm thinking what was the bullshit shit test this morning during drive by and you couldn't have waited for me? I know we can't have sex but I could've fucking participated!

What's my play fellas?

leoslayer

@steu2817 @redpillnewb @sf64 ?

leoslayer

steu2817 said:

Tell her to do it again so you can watch. 

She doesn't know I know. I got pissed she tried to say something to me and I said just let me be then went outside and did bench and tris.

So I haven't confronted her.

leoslayer

So act as if nothing bothers me? Go on family outing and not to watch the game at the place where the hot 25yo bartender flirts with me?

Josh

I was agreeing with RPN until you brought up the 25yo bartender flirting.  Now I'm torn.

frillyfun

No sex for 10 days???  What??  There's a prescription pill for yeast infections.  One pill.  Done.

Scarlet

It is absolutely possible to be too uncomfortable for sex but still be able to use a vibrator on your clit - totally different sensations.  But it's also reasonable for you to initiate a BJ or HJ. 

pocketaces

I have established that i have right of first refusal. I seldom ever refuse because she has gotten herself all worked up by waiting.

If you havent set the rules up front you have no right to complain. Anything else is cover contract.