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Comments
I'm so annoyed by everything about him, though, and I'm sure if/when he reads it that he will push the 'moves' on me thinking it'll work right away, without doing the other stuff to build attraction. (I gave him the link to mmsl a few days ago, as far as I can tell he hasn't started reading/even purchased it yet)
The thing is, I actually like him sometimes. Like when he's dealing with the kids one on one; that's the only ones that comes to mind right now.
BUt then again, that's the part that resonated most for me from the books, was that there's enough beta to keep us comfortable, and not enough alpha to feel attraction. I suspect the betaness + kids, keeps me comfortable enough to feel confused about wanting to stay/leave.
When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!
"Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Another incident the last week was him going off on me about an important letter that came in the mail and the fact I didn't 'remind' him it was there. Seriously? You're a grown man, and it's your responsibility to go through the mail (which I have in a mail 'box' at the end of the counter in plain view that he checks daily) and deal with it accordingly. Nope. He went on for an hour about how disrespectful I was, etc etc. He was loud enough that the kids (who were in their rooms but not yet asleep) could hear him. I admit I should have at least brought it to his attention, but once I grab the mail I just put it where I always do, knowing he'll get to it when he gets to it.
I understand your frustration, don't blame you one bit. When judging SR in a relationship, it's generally more useful to difference between the two, or 'Relative SR'. Objectively, where do you think the two of you stand?
Your update reads like you're still having some motivational challenges. As previously mentioned, making yourself 'valuable' is very important. How would you objectively grade yourself? Has he made ANY positive responses to your changes in the past 3 month?
When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!
"Stand" by Rascal Flatts
For him, on paper, he has a good job, he's a 'nice' guy, educated, looks younger than his age, good dad (when he's around). If he were to remarry, I'm sure he could do so quite easily, with a girl who is maybe a smalltown girl/less independent/back home mentality, except his shy personality would keep him from jumping in for a while.
To be honest, in this process, I'm seen it switch from me being victim, to me being vampire. I'm starting to not care less if this doesn't work out, and he's seeming desparate/grasping at straws trying to figure out what I want.
When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!
"Stand" by Rascal Flatts
But when I focus on or talk about *just* the relationship, I feel like a complete newbie, though I'm not. I'm a newbie to *this* approach though. All the other stuff helped me get better in some ways, but no major shifts relationship wise, and it was always focused on what the woman should do. The MMSL approach just made so much sense to me. I can only go so far, and I can't force myself to be attracted to someone.
Even if this ended in me being single, today, I am ready and happy and confident enough in myself to make it, and I would continue to grow and stretch and expand my comfort zone. But for the sake of my kids, I am here willing to go with a totally different approach/last ditch effort. And if I end up with an amazing sex life, that would be the absolute cherry on top.
"There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill
Your post gave me an idea..winter break for the kids is coming up, and that seems possible to do the extended stay thing with the kids and make it a 'vacation' for us.
"There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill
Yes, I have, but like I said, I'm just needing to save up a bit more (which I'm working on. Just signed on a new client, which will bring me very close to my phase 3 goal), so I'm not dipping into my funds that I may need for stuff like living
The "Or something" should be 'don't jump phases and stick to your MAP'.
From her description, she's in phase 3... time to go to the phase 4 talk. Phase 4 should last no more than a week and then it's straight to phase 5 and go off being awesome on your own... don't necessarily act 'single', but don't act like you're a couple either. If you don't get any traction there, then draw up divorce papers and hit him with the ultimatum.
Trust the MAP. Do the MAP. Live the MAP.
When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!
"Stand" by Rascal Flatts
"There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill