Can a married man be a beta orbiter?

Arlequin

Or does the ring forever change that dynamic?

PhoenixDown

Absolutely he can. That's why most guys are here, isn't it? 

neen

Read this... http://marriedmansexlife.com/2013/02/beta-orbiting-peek-a-boo-boo/

Arlequin

@RedPillWifey said:

Absolutely he can. That's why most guys are here, isn't it? 

Ow, that is brutally insightful....

Arlequin

@neen said:

Read this... http://marriedmansexlife.com/2013/02/beta-orbiting-peek-a-boo-boo/

I wasn't talking about me!

I meant some other married guy, orbiting my wife.

picard

Arlequin said:

Can a married man be a beta orbiter?

Not with my FO he can't!

(Suspect it's time to mate guard?)

Arlequin

@Mandrill said:

Arlequin said:

I meant some other married guy, orbiting my wife.

Sure, why not? People cheat. Is he specifically attracted to your wife, or is he just needy?

Yeah, that's the question (one of many.)

I think  he's specifically attracted to my wife. Sadly, at this point my mate guarding opportunities are really limited. I'm working on fixing that.

The guy could also just be messing with me.

Or, he could just be a nice guy (haha, yeah, I don't believe it either)

Here's a thread with some background.

OneEyedDrunk

I read your thread previously. I think he is a Beta orbiter, and probably likes your wife. In my opinion your wife may even know this, and likes the attention. If she realized what he is doing is in appropriate, then she would put a stop to it. She sees it as harmless which tells me she is ok with his attention.

OneEyedDrunk

You may consider having a "talk" with this guy. Not a mobster type of talk, but one where you very clearly point out you know what is going on, and it will stop. Don't tell your wife you are doing it. Let her find out from him or his wife, and then put that on her as she did not mate guard herself to stop it. Or you go and try and hit on his wife which might stop it. Lol!

Arlequin

OneEyedDrunk said:

I read your thread previously. I think he is a Beta orbiter, and probably likes your wife. In my opinion your wife may even know this, and likes the attention. If she realized what he is doing is in appropriate, then she would put a stop to it. She sees it as harmless which tells me she is ok with his attention.

I think she enjoys the flirtatious interaction, hell who doesn't, but she doesn't want to believe that when someone flirts with you it generally (always) means they'd also love to peel your panties off.

I don't really have a problem with the flirting, as long as certain boundaries aren't crossed, specifically the physical boundary or the emotional boundary.

I don't think that's happened, or likely to, but of course I will continue to keep an eye on the situation.

I hadn't considered this a beta orbiter situation until this morning, but I think that's probably a good place to file this guy, even though he's married.

@OneEyedDrunk said:

You may consider having a "talk" with this guy. Not a mobster type of talk, but one where you very clearly point out you know what is going on, and it will stop. Don't tell your wife you are doing it. Let her find out from him or his wife, and then put that on her as she did not mate guard herself to stop it. Or you go and try and hit on his wife which might stop it. Lol!

Why not a mobster type talk? You wanna be my muscle? Maybe we can get @Dave_Bowman to help out, he's pretty buff and  survived being tee bagged by a friggin' BEAR!

Actually, I'm still looking for an opportunity to talk to his wife, feel her out a little. I'm really curious if he's ever cheated on her and whether she knows about the $150 camera lens. Oooooo, that might put him on the couch for the weekend.

That's not nice. I actually like the guy and his intentions might not  be nefarious, so I'm going to wait until I can get a little face time with his wife.

There's nothing more embarrassing than making a scene and being wrong (I might know about that from personal experience.)

IceMan

"Actually, I'm still looking for an opportunity to talk to his wife, feel her out a little. I'm really curious if he's ever cheated on her and whether she knows about the $150 camera lens. Oooooo, that might put him on the couch for the weekend."

I have to comment here, this hits too close to home for me. I would have wife return the lens. If you want to be a hard ass return it yourself to his wife. Mate guard already, he crossed the line with the gift.

Chuck

 

 

 

 

 

There's nothing more embarrassing than making a scene and being wrong (I might know about that from personal experience.)

Actually there's nothing more embarrassing than finding out your wife has been playing around with a guy that you suspected to be up to no good, but you were too afraid to confront him on it out of fear of causing a scene...

Arlequin

@flounder said:

I have to comment here, this hits too close to home for me. I would have wife return the lens. If you want to be a hard ass return it yourself to his wife. Mate guard already, he crossed the line with the gift.

Yeah, the lens still bothers me. After I talk to his wife, well, we'll see.

It surprised me, in my original thread, how many people thought it wasn't a problem, which is part of the reason I didn't insist at the time that she give it back.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks it's an inappropriate gift.

Arlequin

@Chuck said:

 Actually there's nothing more embarrassing than finding out your wife has been playing around with a guy that you suspected to be up to no good, but you were too afraid to confront him on it out of fear of causing a scene...

Yes, that's a very good point.  I am exceedingly  vigilant.

OneEyedDrunk

Arlequin said:

OneEyedDrunk said:

I read your thread previously. I think he is a Beta orbiter, and probably likes your wife. In my opinion your wife may even know this, and likes the attention. If she realized what he is doing is in appropriate, then she would put a stop to it. She sees it as harmless which tells me she is ok with his attention.

I think she enjoys the flirtatious interaction, hell who doesn't, but she doesn't want to believe that when someone flirts with you it generally (always) means they'd also love to peel your panties off.

I don't really have a problem with the flirting, as long as certain boundaries aren't crossed, specifically the physical boundary or the emotional boundary.

I don't think that's happened, or likely to, but of course I will continue to keep an eye on the situation.

I hadn't considered this a beta orbiter situation until this morning, but I think that's probably a good place to file this guy, even though he's married.

@OneEyedDrunk said:

You may consider having a "talk" with this guy. Not a mobster type of talk, but one where you very clearly point out you know what is going on, and it will stop. Don't tell your wife you are doing it. Let her find out from him or his wife, and then put that on her as she did not mate guard herself to stop it. Or you go and try and hit on his wife which might stop it. Lol!

Why not a mobster type talk? You wanna be my muscle? Maybe we can get @Dave_Bowman to help out, he's pretty buff and  survived being tee bagged by a friggin' BEAR!

Actually, I'm still looking for an opportunity to talk to his wife, feel her out a little. I'm really curious if he's ever cheated on her and whether she knows about the $150 camera lens. Oooooo, that might put him on the couch for the weekend.

That's not nice. I actually like the guy and his intentions might not  be nefarious, so I'm going to wait until I can get a little face time with his wife.

There's nothing more embarrassing than making a scene and being wrong (I might know about that from personal experience.)

It reminds me of an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia. One of the friends on the show sleeps with one guys mom ( she ambushed him and dropped her towel). The other friend tries to get even with the other guys mom who is a chain smoking old lady. Lol! Tit for tat right? I would flirt back with his wife.

neen

Arlequin- What does your wife look like? She sounds HOT? Heidi Klum?

PhoenixDown

@mandrill I suspect a little of both...

Arlequin

@Mandrill said:

I'm going to give you two contradictory answers here because it's hard to tell from your other posts if you're the problem or he is.

ONE: You've had suspicions about this guy since December. You're gut feeling could be a baby by now. Whether he's messing with you or he's interested in your wife, it's wrong. Is there anything specifically he's doing now where you can say because of X, either to him or your wife?

What's your wife think of this? Is she aware that he's interested? If this is just a hobby for him and wouldn't really hurt him financially, and he makes you uncomfortable, couldn't your wife just not hire him anymore? Recently your wife took the job at the church and you felt you should have told her no, but you didn't. You also believed that she wanted you to say no for her. This leads me to believe if you said to her that photoman was too into her and you don't like it, she shouldn't hire him again, she might listen. You're giving the impression that although she'll deny it, she was looking to you to lead.

TWO: Looking back at some of your prior discussions, this is a thing with you. Is your wife really so magnetic that other guys are always orbiting her? Maybe you're just sensitive to anyone being around your wife? You seem to find other guys threatening and you were very upset when your son set up the TV. You needed to check out Phil at church. You didn't like it when you felt photoman got the credit for the pictures of your daughter. You seem to be very concerned with the notion of men and women being friends. Maybe you're just very insecure. Dread is a big worry of yours, could it be this is something that's on your mind a lot and now you see it everywhere?

OK, I'm probably going to hear about this, but....I don't have a problem with men who are respectful. To me, that means keeping your hands off my wife. Period.

If it's a close family friend, hugs are OK, otherwise no.

I don't like guys at wine tastings who are a few sheets into the wind suddenly thinking it's OK to embrace my wife for an 8 second hug, I don't like guys I don't even know hugging my wife, drunk or sober. Once again, if they're family friends...

I don't go around hugging their wives, I don't want them hugging mine. That's about it.

My wife has a pretty high Sex Appeal Ranking. When I married her she was a stunner and she's still very pretty. She's put on a little weight, but that certainly doesn't deter me. She's very nice, outgoing, and attracts people, men and women.

At the wine tasting we talked to several men who were respectful, kept their distance and their hands to themselves. No problem there. I'm not an unreasonable guy, just protective.

As for what she thinks, she thinks men and women can  be friends. I'm working on that, but frankly it's an uphill battle.

As for not hiring him, if I were to find out he's a cheater, I would insist she get rid of him, but until that time I will continue remaining vigilant. I trust Mrs. Arlequin.

Also, he takes a lot of pictures on the weekend that Mrs. Arlequin would have to take if he weren't around, which would cut into my time with Mrs. Arlequin, so...

Phil is interesting. At church he's very respectful, offers his hand. A few weeks ago we ran into him at the grocery store walking out with a bottle. I'm pretty sure he'd just climbed out of another. When we ran into him he went for the hug. Ugh, I just have to make sure he doesn't get into the wine at church...

Regarding the TV, I was a little hot because, well, I paid the thousand dollars and I wanted to unwrap it. I admit I was being a prat. Odd, though, when I mounted it on the wall, he wasn't there to help me....

As for dread, I don't think I have any. Mrs. Arlequin is free to leave anytime, but I don't think she will.

I...just...like...courteous....people. And scumbags thinking they can put their hands on my wife aren't being courteous.

@neen said:

Arlequin- What does your wife look like? She sounds HOT? Heidi Klum?

She is to me!

OneEyedDrunk

It's really difficult dealing with this stuff. Is this guy much older than your wife? I remember you said something about a hearing aid that he wears. He may be Rowley harmless, but I totally understand your concerns. This goes back to the Primer. There's a discussion about what Shrek would do for donkey, and what he would do for princess. Des it seem he's treating your wife more like princess than donkey? Do you see or hear about him giving other items of equal value to the lense to other people? If you do hear of his generosity to other people, then maybe things are not an issue. I would almost make fun of the guy if he was much older than me. Then again, I'm pretty much a total dick. I would make a ton of old jokes, or say something about how he's circling the drain or something. Thanks just me though.

Arlequin

@RedPillWifey said:

@mandrill I suspect a little of both...

I spent a good five minutes psychoanalyzing myself...oh who am I kidding, I sat for five minutes with my thumb up my ass, and I had a few insights on things I've known about myself for awhile, but never put together.

I'm not a really touching type of guy. I mean I'll body-check someone in the store if the aisle is too narrow and they won't move over, but I'm not typically the type of person to go up and clap someone on the back, unless I'm overly exuberant/inebriated, maybe.

I'm not adverse to being  touched. Shaking hands is not a problem and if a woman touches my arm, shoulder, whatever, that's fine.

But....and this happened the other day, if someone stands next to me, really close without  touching me (and this is invariably a woman), I find my self leaning away from them, which seems odd to me.

I think it comes down to this: I don't mind a woman touching me, but I feel it's rude for me to touch a women. Ah, that feels better. I think that might be it.

Now, this doesn't apply to Mrs. Arlequin, of course. I have my hands on her as much as possible. (YIPPEE!!!) But then I have a license to do so, don't I?

So, I guess I just expect other men to keep their hands off my wife, as I do to theirs.

In my mind it's really just an attitude of old-fashioned, gentlemanly behavior. For the longest time I wouldn't offer my hand to a woman unless she offered hers first, that was the etiquette I was taught, but in the business world that just seems stupid, so now I do offer my hand and don't worry about it.

There, that's not so bad, is it?

Arlequin

@OneEyedDrunk said:

It's really difficult dealing with this stuff. Is this guy much older than your wife? I remember you said something about a hearing aid that he wears. He may be Rowley harmless, but I totally understand your concerns. This goes back to the Primer. There's a discussion about what Shrek would do for donkey, and what he would do for princess. Des it seem he's treating your wife more like princess than donkey? Do you see or hear about him giving other items of equal value to the lense to other people? If you do hear of his generosity to other people, then maybe things are not an issue. I would almost make fun of the guy if he was much older than me. Then again, I'm pretty much a total dick. I would make a ton of old jokes, or say something about how he's circling the drain or something. Thanks just me though.

He's quite a bit older, in his early 60's, but that's irrelevant in my book. Look at Clint Eastwood and his STBX.

As for giving stuff to other people, I don't have any information on if he does or doesn't. My understanding is he doesn't have a lot of money. He's retired civil service, but his camera's ain't cheap. I'm not sure how that adds up.

I think his wife, who still works, makes pretty good money.

But they also live in one of the most expensive parts of the country.

I dunno, if I had a lens worth $150, I'd sell the damned thing on eBay. But maybe I'm just a cheap fuck...

I'm slowly working my way to the truth. I'll get there eventually.