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Comments
Write a curriculum for the older ones and have them learn how to write a business plan, set a budget and look into home kitchen/cottage kitchen/cottage food license laws etc. The oldest and the middle ones could help set pricing, do research on what buying similar items for that many people would cost at a local restaurant or buying 2-3 family size frozen meals at a grocery store would cost to be able to evaluate the local market.
They are required to cook, with the youngest school aged ones doing more of the "bring me this ingredient and this tool" or "set the oven temperature to 400 degrees".
You supervise. They sell.
There's a local homeschooling family near to us that run a home kitchen like this, based on their family's heritage and family recipes. They sell at the local hipster/crunchy farmer's markets near us and their three girls have successfully funded a trip to Europe, school events and summer camps. I think the youngest was about 7 when they started, the oldest just turned 18. I place custom orders via Facebook (our families are from the same "homeland", so their food is near and dear to our hearts). I pay them $40 for a special cake or a dollar or two for one each of some baked goods.
Your kids could make money for their extracurriculars (which only get more expensive as they get older). Later you could expand outside a home kitchen environment when the kids are grown.
In your market all you would need is a couple of large LDS families willing to give you a certain amount per week for X amount of meals for XX number of people and you could get started.
After my first husband passed away I had a lady who did something like this for me. She was a SAHM but wanted to make an income. I paid her maybe $100 a week and she gave us several (3 I think) dinners, a few lunches and desserts with leftovers. She delivered it to us on Monday if I remember right and cooked over the weekends when her husband was home. We did that for 6 months or a year until I got the hang of being a single mom and handling it all.
Agree, @Purple I can't fix him. But I can believe it's him and really, certainly, not me, if that makes any sense. Everyone has always agreed-including his parents and siblings-that he has a brilliant memory. It's really hard to get out of the habit of defering to his recollections. Add to that my zero face memory . . . I have little confidence my mind is telling me truth.
I may need to drop the co-op at the end of the year (runs Sept-May). I've loved having the kids there, but it doesn't seem like a very good fit in some ways, not least of which that it turns Thursdays into Mondays. But it's also really been eye opening in seeing how other families interact. (Possibly my husband's biggest 'mistake' in not rocking his boat was telling me I should look at what other home schooling women's husbands are doing. It's one thing to see it on the forum, where I know most relationships aren't working right, and another to see it in relationships that are.)
Someone asked where I got nine hours for public school and homework. Assuming an average one hour of homework, the school busses come by at seven am and four pm. Did I add wrong?
I feel guilty because my kids don't do nearly as many extra curriculars as I did. Like they're missing out on things they should be getting.
My older two have been doing an entrepreneurship unit through co-op and probably have most of the necessary skills in their box, or will by the end of the year. Oldest wants to sell his drawings, second wants to cook special order take out meals. (14&12, not quite realistic here.) I bake all our bread. Maybe that would be a product to start with. I have no idea if anyone would buy it: I never see anyone eating home made bread. I looked into what a farmer's market booth would cost a couple years ago-we often have extra eggs, and dang are they expensive. Seems like you need several thousand to really start anything.
I'll look into the cottage kitchen thing, I think that passed a couple years ago here but I have some recollection it only applies to canned goods . . .
Also, I dont care how great his memory is. The fact that his so-called superior mind makes you doubt your own thoughts, opinions, and memories absolutely REEKS of gaslighting.
Maybe you could do something like that with the eggs, or the bread?
Have you tried marketing your music lessons on Craigslist or a Facebook local site? Craigslist is usually where I go when I need something local.
What is unrealistic about your kid trying to sell his drawings?
Also, yes, I understand how good it feels to realize that YOU aren't the crazy one. My post was a gentle reminder that the care-taker in you can't fix him. And a reminder that you can't make it better by reading a ton about it. AND a reminder that his mental health doesn't make his treatment of you OK.
I have a cousin who went off to war, was injured, honorably released, came home all sorts of fucked up with PTSD. He then met a girl, fell in love, and things went awry because he wasn't treating the PTSD properly. She put her foot down and dumped him. It was the 2x4 to the head that he needed, and he went in and got help. Now they are married and have a kid, because with the proper help he does much better. She most likely saved him from a lifetime of alcoholism and misery by doing that. She certainly saved herself from ending up here with a broken marriage.
Your husband has issues. He needs help. Professional psychiatric help.
Extra-curriculars. My kids are young, so its different for me I expect. But I decided this spring when soccer (for just one kid) was making me want to scream... that I won't stress myself out for their extra-curricular shit. My mom had 9 kids and after the first 3 or so, she refused to let any of us do extra stuff. I won't go that extreme, but I also am not going to run around getting my kids to and from all these activities that are not enriching our lives.
You need to put some of these balls down instead of trying to juggle everything. At 12 and 14 years old, your kids are not going to miss out on opportunities of a lifetime if you make them limit to no more than 1 activity a year (or something). Consider this- are you teaching your kids to pile as much onto their plates as you have piled onto yours? Has that benefitted you at all? Will it benefit them?
What if you taught them to keep it simple? What if you simplified your own life?
There is joy in this path, too.
I brought up the fact with my wife that having two girls in competitive gymnastics was easing costing us $10k/year after taxes and that didn't include the $$ spent on gas driving 6days a week. The girls were also told that if these activities affect their grades in school the activities would be dropped.
We we see some parents at the gym that seem to live vicariously through their children. They have them enrolled in so many things that the kids don't have time to really develop in any of the activities.
I will admit that I broke that rule for my youngest this year by signing her up for Krav Maga but I knew that martial arts and gymnastics truly compliment each other in regards to training and motivation. Our oldest daughter (gr 10) wanted to go as well which was ok as she had been doing nothing for a year and we figured she would quit right away because the training is very demanding. They both love it and my oldest who had been getting too heavy according to her Dr, has lost a significant amount of weight and actually said to my wife, "I can't believe you just let me lay around my room for a year."
As for your husband, you need to put your foot down!! My wife did it with my drinking about 20 years ago and I have stayed sober. I still will have a few but that is rare and quite honestly I don't miss it and my wife KNOWS how I now feel about my drunken past. My wife gave me the "its me or the booze, you decide," ultimatum. I made the right choice.
I think your story supports doing the same but if you do, you better be willing to back it up. My wife (gf at the time) was dead serious and I knew it. We are both happy with the result.
Unless a kid has a true passion for something, I'd limit *myself* to 3 extracurriculars per week. By "myself", I mean I will drive to and be a volunteer parent for no more than three activities per week, for all the kids combined.
The kids can help decide, but one might be Scouts (for all the kids who can attend meetings at that time), another might be performance based (for all the kids old enough), and maybe your rec center has 2-3 interesting activities at the same time. So you're making three weekly trips to town and any interested kids can attend any combo of those activities.
As I said, if one kid has a true, serious passion for something, that's an exception. So in addition to the three family activities, Kid #1 gets to attend her trombone lessons, and Kid #3 goes to a science class at the community college.
Roses, I think 80% of your troubles are because you're running so fast managing your family that you don't have time to figure out how to make things better.
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
They all (oldest 5) take dance. Two of them (the two who most need the excercise, naturally) don't like it.
They all take music-Children's Choir and private lessons. (Oldest four in choir, oldest five in private lessons.)
The older two are active in DeMolay.
Then there's Church, homeschool co-op, 4-H . . . okay, yeah, I get the point. If I say no I feel guilty. How will they know what they like if they don't try things? And I did ALL the things, so how can I say no to them doing all the things just because they have siblings? I'll have to work that out in my own head.
Same with husband's issues. And I need to get some mental support in place for me first, I think. I love you guys and all, but I really think that I need a professional in on my side of dealing with this because it's a big this and I'm second guessing myself so much. The thing that's always a hold-back is we need guns here: you can't call anyone for a rattler on the porch and if a cougar grabs your toddler the kid'll be dead before fish and game arrives. (This actually happens, for y'all city folks.) You never know what someone's biases are going in.
Chickens, up to six hens, no roosters, are allowed in town here, but most people don't bother. One of the music teachers takes $5 off every other lesson for a carton of eggs, and there are only a couple months in the summer when we have a lot more extras. We don't have a fancy coop.
What's unrealistic about 14 year old selling his drawings is that he's had minimal art classes because while he likes art and has a good eye he doesn't enjoy being told how/what to do, and he's not very good. He doesn't know perspective, shadows . . . I'm not a talented artist (my mom's insistance aside) but I did take four years of classes and his stuff is just kid drawing, not art. I'm happy for him to try and to learn from it, but anyone with a pencil can do what he does.
Am I out of line to change the admin password and refuse to give him the new one so he can't let them keep gaming, and to do something similar to the wii on the tv?
Cutting activities is a necessity. Your kids have different interests, and opportunities than you had, and their kids will have different ones still. That's the way life goes. I did figure skating when I was little, and had to stop when my brother was born because of money, and time. Having siblings, and not enough money is absolutely enough justification to pull them out of something.
If the computer is an issue then change the password.
My MAP: http://marriedmansexlife.vanillacommunities.com/discussion/14002/samson-map#latest
Personality type: “The Logician” (INTP-A)
Enneagram 9w1
Symphony and children's choir concerts went well. Just Nutcracker to go.
I didn't volunteer for something associated with kids' activities. I'm proud of myself.
Husband has not said word one to me about the passwords. The kids have complained that Daddy doesn't have the passwords. Tough.
Eldest volunteered for decorating a table for a party, then informed me he needed the computer to make his decorations. "Well, you're grounded until the 31st, so you'll have to do something else.' He's grumbled a bit. I reminded him to make his decorations over the weekend and left it at that.
Eldest and Second missed an event Saturday that they hadn't told me about but probably would have missed anyway due to being unable to be in multiple locations at one time. On the one hand, they're only fourteen and twelve and how can I expect them to remember stuff? On the other, I had a job (teaching, public school after school music program) and was taking university courses at fourteen (Astronomy, Zoology), so surely they can remember stuff? So when it comes up, as it inevitably will, why didn't I track their activity for them, that's my reason. I could figure out lesson plans and take exams and give tests at fourteen, he can remember a party!
Last week of crazy Christmas performance season. Made a big pot of chili last night that we'll have again tonight. (The adults who whine about eating the same dinner two days in a row aren't volunteering to cook.)
I went through a stash of fabric a friend gifted me when cleaning out her sewing room and found the perfect Christmas gift for Mom. (Easily $1000+ of fabric, plus patterns, buttons . . .) Just need to cut it out and whip it together. Won't take more than a couple hours max.
Monkey One: keep upbeat. Went pretty well. Doesn't come naturally. Continuing.
Monkey Two: enforce kids bedtimes as much as possible around shows.
Monkey Three: get myself to bed by ten or as soon as possible post-rehersals/performances.
As for the kids ... in my (excellent) school district, starting in middle school the kids are given paper planners and taught to use them. It's possible to get very inexpensive student planners online if you look a bit. Do I see a holiday present here?
When I was managing my family, I bought one of these every year:
The calendar has space for 5 people's info, and comes with lots of fun and useful stickers. The stickers make it easy for even little kids to put their events up. There's not a lot of writing space, and you'd need 2 calendars, @Roses (or deputize a kid to make one like this, or buy a large white board "month").
Once the calendar is in place, announce in your best Captain's voice: Starting now, everyone is responsible for putting their events on the calendar. If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist. If there's a conflict with another event, work it out with the other person. If you need a driver, get their agreement before you put your event on the calendar. If the stickers/writing sticks disappear, nobody goes anywhere until they are found. This applies to *everyone* in the household, including adults.
Then be a bit hard-ass about following the rules (with exceptions for unplanned medical things.)
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
I second the calendar. I printed out a little weekly planner I found on Pinterest and put it in a page protector sleeve and put it on the fridge. Every Sunday I write down (with dry erase marker) what is going on for the week and in the "notes" next to the weekly boxes, I write down upcoming events. I started this because I couldn't keep track of one kid's events, plus birthdays, my doctor appointments, etc. Its helped A LOT. I manage it myself, but we can (and do) all refer to it as needed. Everything is winding down for Christmas so it looks so weird and empty right now
I was actually just on Pinterest again searching for a similar weekly dinner menu template. I find this type of approach massively helpful.
Your older kids; get them a yearly planner. You should be able to find them fairly cheap somewhere (Amazon?). We were taught to use them starting in the 7th grade. @HildaCorners has me thinking that maybe I should get myself one for the new year, actually... could make my life easier. I enjoy the feeling of organization that it lends to my life, and as my kids get older and are wanting to get more involved in things, I think I am going to NEED a yearly planner just to keep my sanity. I literally don't know how you've managed.
There is joy in this path, too.
http://www.schoolmate.com/student-planners/
I have no affiliation with them, never bought from them ... they came up first in my Google search.
These planners are intended to be ordered in bulk by a school, but there's no reason a home-school group can't put together an order ... or buy the undated planners and use them up over the years. Or even donate half the order to charity ... even $6.00 is cheap for a planner these days.
Managing a schedule/appointments/commitments is another one of those adult skills kids need to learn.
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
@JellyBean so in every activity there are parents who do more than their share, and there are parents who are freeloaders. How do you figure out where the elusive place called fair share is?
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net