How to get boyfriend to stop being a coward?

PhoenixDown

I completely disagree. If my guy ran for the hills anytime he was around a yippy little dog or heard thunder, that'd pretty much be a "ok, I don't think we're gonna work out" almost immediately. That's ridiculous. I'm surprised she's stuck around for as long as she has.

LL80

cinnamon said:

If someone doesn't like roller coasters? No big deal. If they're scared of dogs? Ditto. If they're scared of everything? That is a problem.

Agreed.  It's not any one of these things by itself, it's the cumulative effect of all of them that overall give us a picture of a guy who seems to be scared of just about everything.  Is he going to be hiding behind her if they find themselves walking down a dark street at night?  Sure sounds like it.

redheaded_woman

I still think part of the problem is that she's bored. Clearly if she wants to go parasailing she's looking for excitement.

Just like finding someone who is intellectually compatible, I think it's important to find somebody who has similar levels of interest in adventure and trying new things.

John3

@Redheaded_Woman I would agree that she has excitement on her mind...and he doesn't, and that is going to be an ongoing problem, particularly because she has identified it as a problem, and now is going to find it whenever she is with him. 

I'm just noticing on this thread...sometimes we talk directly to the OP about their issues, and sometimes we strictly talk to each other, leaving the OP out of it.  I'm not sure what to think about that, but after the "Closing 911" posts, I'm more sensitive to it.

TPoke

This scaredy cat issue seems to be something that the FOs understand, while us guys won't get it. I'm not going to judge them as being shallow as long as they tolerate my not being attracted to overweight ladies.

Now excuse me while I go work on my masculine, dangerous, death machine motorcycle. B-)

redheaded_woman

Also, we're still only getting one side and we're reading things into her words.

She didn't say he's afraid of the dark. She said he won't go into the woods in the dark.

She didn't say he's afraid of water. She said he won't swim in the ocean.

She didn't say he ran away from dogs. We don't know if he just won't pet them or if he does run away.

Not enough information in her post to know if it's really all about him.

Frank_London

She didn't say he's afraid of the dark.

Yes, she she did. She explicitly said it's fear. Here's the OP:

He is afraid to go past his knees in the ocean, to sit outside when he can even hear thunder, of most animals including pet dogs, of scary movies, of going within 15 feet of the woods if it's dark

Frank_London

they're dating, not married.

As an aside, I find the dismissive approach to non-married relationship problems on this site appalling.

frillyfun

Try agreeing and amplifying for a few days...see where that gets you.  

My take on the un-marrieds is that they're here for help.  It's not a breakup forum.  All of us who have been married for a long time want to pass along the lessons we had to learn the hard way, but if it was a deal breaker she wouldn't be here.

PhoenixDown

@frillyfun "If it were a dealbreaker she wouldn't be here" Come on now... There are plenty of people who will hang on to the dying carcass of a bad relationship as if it were life or death. (Not saying you are @anonymous, just refuting the statement)

We're more likely to tell single people to cut and run because they're dating in order to find a marriage partner. Dating is like going to a job interview. An employer wouldn't look at a guy with alcoholism and a record of missing days and say "well, he has potential, I'll hire him and hope he gets better"... He says "next" and finds someone more qualified.

90% or more of the marriage problems in this forum could have been fixed in the beginning by a pickier mate selection.

Monkeys_Uncle

@RedPillWifey, I agree with what you are saying here, but I still think we don't have enough information to make a recommendation to even a non-married couple based on a 300 word introduction with no triage.

I need more information than that to pick a brand of toothpaste, much less give somebody relationship advice.

PhoenixDown

@monkeys_uncle Man, I don't. All it has to say is "mint" and "cleans teeth".

Monkeys_Uncle

Yeah, well.  You are a dangerous and wreckless individual then.  Clearly unqualified to give advice!

redheaded_woman

@Frank_London said:

She didn't say he's afraid of the dark.

Yes, she she did. She explicitly said it's fear. Here's the OP:

He is afraid to go past his knees in the ocean, to sit outside when he
can even hear thunder, of most animals including pet dogs, of scary
movies, of going within 15 feet of the woods if it's dark

It was specifically afraid of the woods in the dark. We don't know if he's afraid of being in the city in the dark or if he's afraid of being in his house in the dark etc. Only thing mentioned specifically was the woods.

Frank_London

redheaded_woman said:

It was specifically afraid of the woods in the dark. We don't know if he's afraid of being in the city in the dark or if he's afraid of being in his house in the dark etc. Only thing mentioned specifically was the woods.

Well, wait a moment. You earlier said that she didn't specify fear as the cause, but rather he wasn't doing these things. here's what you said earlier that I was responding to.

redheaded_woman said: She didn't say he's afraid of the dark. She said he won't go into the woods in the dark. She didn't say he's afraid of water. She said he won't swim in the ocean. She didn't say he ran away from dogs. We don't know if he just won't pet them or if he does run away.

But that isn't the case. She said "he's afraid of..." and then listed all the things he's afraid of.

John3

RedPillWifey said:

@monkeys_uncle Man, I don't. All it has to say is "mint" and "cleans teeth".

Yeah, otherwise Next it!

BetaGeek

Frank_London said:

they're dating, not married.

As an aside, I find the dismissive approach to non-married relationship problems on this site appalling.

My counter would be that marriage is nearly impossible to make work and that it is easier given better mate selection in the dating process.

girl4

I think this is a troll. In fact, when I read the thread title I immediately thought it was mamajune again, and reading the OP increased my suspicions.

NeverSleptOnTheCouch

Mincing the nuances of these fears i find pointless.These fears don't end at the woodline. Sounds to me It will perverse every aspect of their life.
His growth will be further inhibited by having a woman surrogate ' mommy'.
Clearly not husband material.
Shes tired of it before they got married. Hey That's actually a victory.

redheaded_woman

@frank_london Ahhh, I'm not communicating my thought well. Thanks for pointing out where I could be more clear.

Yes, he's afraid of some things....but we don't know if he's afraid of the dark in general or simply afraid of the woods in the dark.

We don't know if he's afraid of water completely or just afraid to swim in the ocean. There's a huge spectrum between being afraid of all water and being afraid of swimming in the ocean.