Going to the gym with my wife

This is my first post and my story is fairly typical.  After having two kids, my wife's easy-going personality became stressed and agitated, our sex life disappeared, our marriage became unhappy, etc., etc.  Fortunately, about six months ago we turned a corner and we seem well on our way to an all-around great marriage.  We still have set-backs and there are issues that we still need to work through, but our sex life is greatly improved and our non-sexual relationship is good and generally getting better (we actually enjoy spending time together). 

My wife and I are both in our 40s and fairly fit.  She goes to the gym regularly and I tend to get my exercise through mountain biking.  Now that the cold and snow have arrived, I am going pick a winter exercise routine until I get back to mountain biking in the spring.  I planned on hitting the weight room this winter and I imagined I'd be going on my own.  However, my wife has been suggesting that we go to the gym together.  Although we occasionally mountain bike together, we have never worked out together at the gym.  It seems like this is a great opportunity to both improve myself and to get sweaty with my wife, but I can't help worrying about pitfalls.  I am much stronger that she is, but she can run circles around me on cardio, and I think her crossfit workout is pretty aggressive. 

So I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to approach this.  I'd like to do this with her, but there seems to be a big opportunity for DLV (like if she kicks my butt when we do her workout routine).  Has anyone started working out with their SO while rebuilding their marriage? 

Angeline[Deleted User]SaigoTakamoriTimSim1971

Comments

  • CMHCMH CanadaSilver Member Posts: 682

    I think it's totally ok that you are stronger and she is better at cardio.  If she kicks your ass, just take it in stride. Keep at the cardio workouts and you'll improve.  It will just be about your attitude about it.

    I say, if you have the opportunity to do something together that you both like, then do it. 

     

    Angeline
  • LazyAlphaLazyAlpha Silver Member Posts: 640
    edited December 2013

    Not sure you can score the same deal, but see this thread:

    http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/8746/wife-motivating-me-to-work-out-with-sex-what-could-go-wrong

    We have been working out at home to the Insanity videos.  Has been going well.  It is great motivation to have a workout partner (regardless of the other motivation offered).  She kicks my ass on the cardio, but there are portions I can excel at, and my improvements have been much more noticeable.

    Also, sometimes on the weekends, we drag the whole family to the club and I play with the kids in the pool or gym while she hits a cardio class.  I usually have a few minutes to hit the weights as well.

     

    Angelineredheaded_woman
  • CMHCMH CanadaSilver Member Posts: 682
    True story:  I did the Grouse Grind (look it up) about a year ago. There was a couple on the trail who are big-time involved with their local (US) high school football team, the husband coaches and obviously super into fitness.  The wife passed us and was smoking him up the trail.  He stayed with us to keep his pace up.  His comments were:  Thought I was in really good shape, I need to add more cardio to my workouts.  He came off as proud and complimentary to his wife.  She in turn wasn't at all rubbing it in his face.  There was nothing wimpy or whiny about him.  Just matter of fact.  They appeared to be a couple who were a good team together and enjoyed each other's company.

     

    [Deleted User]LiquidSoundredheaded_woman
  • FlyingDutchmanFlyingDutchman CaliforniaSilver Member Posts: 602
    If you want to work out with her, then invite her to come along.  However, I think working out with other guys or just away from your wife at the gym adds something to your MAP.

    I used to try to get my wife to work out with me all the time.  It was almost like initiating sex.  Sometimes she would go and get into with me and we would have a good time, other times she would decline and then feel like I was pressuring her to workout.

    Last several months, I just go workout and make it my time and I rarely invite her along.  Lately she has been suddenly tagging along with me on and off.  She has even been doing a bit of mate guarding at the gym. 
  • CMHCMH CanadaSilver Member Posts: 682
    edited December 2013

    @FlyingDutchman said: " mate guarding at the gym. "

    Damn right!  I regularly see taut young things at the gym.  You think I want Beau enjoying that kind of eye candy without a little reminder of my presence?  There are some things I simply can't compete on but I make sure to keep my hair up in a swingy ponytail that y'all seemed to think was sexy.   ;;)

     

    FlyingDutchmanredheaded_woman
  • Mr_BrownMr_Brown east coastSilver Member Posts: 3,636
    CrossFit has a different type of atmosphere... In all of my experiences as long as you go and try your hardest your accepted. I'm a pretty overweight guy but I can pound out some of the heavy lifting but the running and cardio stuff taxes me.

    I don't really think that mate guarding is necessary... But it'll be good for both of you! My wife still thinks there are a bunch of Olympic lifting gymnasts that go there... Meanwhile for every fit person there there's someone with 30% body fat.

    Give it a go and if it's not your thing than find something else productive to do!
    Been an uphill battle, both ways, in three feet of snow, with newspapers for shoes, but I'm a better man for it!
  • TK421TK421 Silver Member Posts: 1,108

    We did P90x together a few years ago and it definitely helped us bond. Of course, the best part was admiring each other's naked bodies once we started seeing results.

    Since the school year started though she's been walking our kid to and from school each day and there are several very steep hills so by doing that she gets her workout in and I'm sort of on my own to do my own thing. We try to do some indoor rock climbing and running together when we can though.

  • JMGhostJMGhost U.S.Member Posts: 5
    @CMH, I think you are right.  Maintaining a good-natured attitude is probably the most important thing.  I was probably over-thinking this.

    @LazyAlpha, the shower deal is a good motivator.  I may need to angle for that more often. 
  • JMGhostJMGhost U.S.Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2013
    If you want to work out with her, then invite her to come along.  However, I think working out with other guys or just away from your wife at the gym adds something to your MAP.

    I used to try to get my wife to work out with me all the time.  It was almost like initiating sex.  Sometimes she would go and get into with me and we would have a good time, other times she would decline and then feel like I was pressuring her to workout.

    Last several months, I just go workout and make it my time and I rarely invite her along.  Lately she has been suddenly tagging along with me on and off.  She has even been doing a bit of mate guarding at the gym. 
    I agree that going without her can be a positive on the MAP, and that was my original plan. 

    I can also see how inviting her might be interpreted as pressuring her to do something.  But in this case she is inviting me, so I'm in a position to accept or refuse her advance. 

    @FlyingDutchman and @CMH, I've been thinking about the mate-guarding aspect for a while as she's been going by herself.  But she goes in the middle of the day (as would I, because I work odd hours) and at those times the place is empty except for a few retirees in the gym.  So no mate guarding for me.  There are usually a few housewives (and the occasional college student) doing spin, so maybe there is an opportunity to cultivate a little bit of healthy jealousy in her. :D
  • JMGhostJMGhost U.S.Member Posts: 5
    Mr_Brown said:
    CrossFit has a different type of atmosphere... In all of my experiences as long as you go and try your hardest your accepted. I'm a pretty overweight guy but I can pound out some of the heavy lifting but the running and cardio stuff taxes me. I don't really think that mate guarding is necessary... But it'll be good for both of you! My wife still thinks there are a bunch of Olympic lifting gymnasts that go there... Meanwhile for every fit person there there's someone with 30% body fat. Give it a go and if it's not your thing than find something else productive to do!
    That's all good to hear.  I've never done cross-fit, but it sounds like a good atmosphere. 

    I think I will give it a try with her.  If it does not go well, I will go back to my original plan and go by myself.
  • JMGhostJMGhost U.S.Member Posts: 5
    TK421 said:

    We did P90x together a few years ago and it definitely helped us bond. Of course, the best part was admiring each other's naked bodies once we started seeing results.

    Since the school year started though she's been walking our kid to and from school each day and there are several very steep hills so by doing that she gets her workout in and I'm sort of on my own to do my own thing. We try to do some indoor rock climbing and running together when we can though.

    Yes, I can potential in getting sweaty together at the gym, and then reaping the benefits of our hard work in the shower.  The shower at home, of course.  No need to traumatize fellow gym members.

    My wife and I have occasionally talked about trying rock climbing, but never actually did it.  Maybe that's something for us down the road.

  • seriouslyseriously The mittenSilver Member Posts: 1,134
    JMGhost said:
    TK421 said:

    We did P90x together a few years ago and it definitely helped us bond. Of course, the best part was admiring each other's naked bodies once we started seeing results.

    Since the school year started though she's been walking our kid to and from school each day and there are several very steep hills so by doing that she gets her workout in and I'm sort of on my own to do my own thing. We try to do some indoor rock climbing and running together when we can though.

    Yes, I can potential in getting sweaty together at the gym, and then reaping the benefits of our hard work in the shower.  The shower at home, of course.  No need to traumatize fellow gym members.

    My wife and I have occasionally talked about trying rock climbing, but never actually did it.  Maybe that's something for us down the road.

    Well, lots of gyms have private rooms with signs that read "Family Locker Rooms".  I just assumed it was for making families!
    AlphaBelle
Sign In or Register to comment.