Spanking (Another one of THOSE threads)

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Comments

  • Athol_KayAthol_Kay My Underground LairPosts: 8,046

    Also if you're doing anything like a punishment spanking, it may be best to get consent in writing first.

    The line between domestic violence and BDSM may get very blurry.

    I do not advocate doing anything that would require follow up attention beyond over the counter lotion and a cuddle.

     One Hour Call   12-Week Guided MAP

    "The turnaround is tremendous.  And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects.  I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force.  :)  He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well."  - Scarlet

  • brotherdancebrotherdance Member Posts: 164
    @Notelrac 's unpacking of @Angeline 's incident is amazingly on target. I'd like to add a couple of thoughts on spanking in general though. Much of this is probably obvious, but I'll say it anyways. (Thanks @Athena for the invite)

    Most, (Not all!) women have some desire to be spanked. This just seems to come up again and again. I'm certain it comes from the need to feel submission, and what better example does a woman have for submission than the discipline her father threatened as a child? Everything about this posture screams submission. There are two ways to go about this however.

    Erotic spankings are just plain fun. What better words can one hear than, "Oh, you've been a bad, bad girl, get over here and lay on my knee so I can show you just how bad a girl you've been!"? I think @RedPillWifey 's tips on this are an awesome primer on this.

    For some people though, they want this form of submission to run throughout their lives, and not just for erotic reasons. They want to feel their man's control checking them, and keeping them in line. This is called Domestic Discipline, and is an entirely different animal.

    Ladies, a man is not always sure which one of these you want. You say you want to be spanked, and you are a little coy about it, so he goes online and looks up spanking, and guess what he finds? Murphy's Law guarantees that he will land on a site that says the opposite of the one you want. Be clear on this for him! 

    I would add two thoughts on this. First, if you are into DD, (Domestic Discipline) do not wait days before punishment. If she has done something that you as a couple have deemed inappropriate, then her spanking should be done THAT DAY. If you wait a day or two, then she has already done something good in between, and she will feel punished for the good she did, instead feeling comforted by your enforcement of your agreements.

    Second, while I agree with @Athol_Kay that written consent is awesome, simply because it makes your arrangement clear and concise, make note that written consent holds NO LEGAL JUSTIFICATION should things go awry. The amount of trust inherent from the husband to the wife is astronomical here. Do not indulge in spanking if you do not feel totally solid about your relationship with your wife and she is totally into it, or she can easily scream domestic violence, and take everything you have, even with written consent. Just an FYI.

    If she does ask, and your relationship is sound, don't skip this one though. It is really very powerful for her.
  • ChimpyChimpy Member Posts: 2,559
    Athol_Kay said:


    The line between domestic violence and BDSM may get very blurry.


    Alls it takes is her to say "he hit me" any time after and the shithole will open and swallow you without a trace.
  • ChimpyChimpy Member Posts: 2,559

    Second, while I agree with @Athol_Kay that written consent is awesome, simply because it makes your arrangement clear and concise, make note that written consent holds NO LEGAL JUSTIFICATION should things go awry. The amount of trust inherent from the husband to the wife is astronomical here. Do not indulge in spanking if you do not feel totally solid about your relationship with your wife and she is totally into it, or she can easily scream domestic violence, and take everything you have, even with written consent. Just an FYI.

    If she does ask, and your relationship is sound, don't skip this one though. It is really very powerful for her.
    Yeah there was a legal case in the UK about 20? years ago and the decision was that except in something like boxing you CANNOT consent to being what the law reckons is assaulted
  • Athol_KayAthol_Kay My Underground LairPosts: 8,046
    Chimpy said:
    Athol_Kay said:


    The line between domestic violence and BDSM may get very blurry.


    Alls it takes is her to say "he hit me" any time after and the shithole will open and swallow you without a trace.


    Agree. Which is why it takes extreme trust between a couple to do this.

     

     One Hour Call   12-Week Guided MAP

    "The turnaround is tremendous.  And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects.  I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force.  :)  He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well."  - Scarlet

    AngelineAthena
  • Im_a_ManIm_a_Man CanadaSilver Member Posts: 878
    sarah said:
    @Brotherdance: "Most, (Not all!) women have some desire to be spanked. "

    Really? Most? 
    I think he meant to say "many".

    Troll much? 
    Angeline
  • LouiseLouise EnglandSilver Member Posts: 1,622
    All that massaging and stuff is all right if you are just playing at it, but when my husband's annoyed with me about something he just wants to give me a good walloping without messing about, and being massaged in the middle of it would just create confusion for me.
  • AthenaAthena Member Posts: 438
    That's a whole different type of spanking, @Louise, no? I got a spanking Saturday morning...not nearly hard enough. I let him go too long. ~X(
  • mook_zmook_z Gold Men Posts: 1,267
    Louise said:

    All that massaging and stuff is all right if you are just playing at it, but when my husband's annoyed with me about something he just wants to give me a good walloping without messing about, and being massaged in the middle of it would just create confusion for me.

    The massaging us for erotic spanking.
    Being spanked out of annoyance or anger is discipline spanking.
    "you ... are right." - DaddyOh
  • LouiseLouise EnglandSilver Member Posts: 1,622
    All that massaging and stuff is all right if you are just playing at it, but when my husband's annoyed with me about something he just wants to give me a good walloping without messing about, and being massaged in the middle of it would just create confusion for me.
    Depends on how you feel about it. For me, only discipline spankings are really erotic. The massaging us for erotic spanking. Being spanked out of annoyance or anger is discipline spanking.
  • NotelracNotelrac Member Posts: 3,517
    Discipline spanking should never be administered while the Dom is angry.  Too high a risk of causing damage either physically or emotionally.  Annoyance is ok -- after all, you're having to take time out from all the important things you were planning on doing in order to deal with a disobedient sub.

    The Dom should wait a sufficient amount of time until regaining self-control, whether this takes minutes, hours, or days.  What you can do while angry is come up with something... unpleasant... for the sub to do during this cooling-off period.

     

  • emilyjaneemilyjane Member Posts: 20
    @sarah
    I wonder if we'll even know how many women like to be spanked.
    I love it, but there is only one person who knows that, and I'm hoping to keep it that way!
    Hard research to do....
  • Monkeys_UncleMonkeys_Uncle RuralGold Men Posts: 4,045
    edited October 2012
    OK, all you spankers... a  couple of questions.  Please realize I am asking this in a totally open minded/non judgmental manner.  I come at this as somebody for who the spanking thing just has no appeal, but I can tell you folks who like it are really into it, and I respect that.  To me it's like people who enjoy watching golf on TV... I may never understand you, but I have to try dammit!  

    The #1 thing that kept me and my wife from enjoying this kink when we tried it out:  The "daddy/daughter" aspect of spanking.   That is the only other relationship where it is acceptable for a man to spank a girl, and it is hard to get away from feeling like that is being emulated, and it just sucks the eroticism right out of the air for us.  I see you guys getting hot over the guy telling the girl "You've been a bad, bad girl" but phrases like that turn my wife's vagina to dust (and I admittedly feel pretty hoakey saying them)  How do you get away from that, or is embracing that dynamic somehow part of the kink? 

    I get that pain and psychological sub/dom elements can make sex more intense and enjoyable.  A good ass slap delivered at just the right moment is great, but that's not really 'spanking' as I understand you guys to be talking about it.   Which leads me to my second question:

    For the people who enjoy spanking, before you got into it was there not already an element of submission and dominance in your sex?    There is always that element in our sex, but it is unspoken and fluid... sometimes my wife will climb on top and ride me like a wild stallion, and I relent to her domination for awhile, only to later take control back by physically picking her up and tossing her around into another position where I have my way with her.   I assume most other couples have this dynamic.  Is part of the appeal of spanking that the dynamic is completely one-sided and absolute?     

    "My advice to you is get married:  if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates

    liquid
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    @Monkeys_Uncle - "spankees" LOL

    As my previous comment shows, we're still figuring this one out. I am decidedly *not* into pain as it's own kink, my thing is allowing him to do something, and me allowing it, allowing him to have his way with me, with the only limits his own concern for my safety and well-being, lights him up like nothing he's ever experienced (his words, after talking about Notelrac's comment up-thread). The daddy thing did make us kinda twitchy too, which is why the dom/sub thing appealed. It's funny that BDSM has this kinky aura, because one of the things it did for us was *clean up* a far ickier aura. I imagine it's akin to the giddy glee of a man who's been suffering with a "default no" to sex, suddenly getting a default yes.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    Monkeys_Unclebrotherdance
  • NotelracNotelrac Member Posts: 3,517
    "is embracing that dynamic somehow part of the kink?"
    If you're not into "age play", then don't go there.  The sub can act as mature adult in accepting discipline.  Discussion on how to get away from that is beyond the scope of this forum, but I expect there are other online resources that can give you the mental and philosophical resources to make it work for you.

    Is part of the appeal of spanking that the dynamic is completely one-sided and absolute?
    For some people it is, sure.  Other couples have no trouble switching.  If both are comfortable with the guy getting tied up and spanked, then go for it.

     

    Monkeys_UnclebrotherdanceGrace
  • PhoenixDownPhoenixDown TejasGold Women Posts: 10,632
    @Beth1977 It's different for everyone, but for me, spanking would be a good way to make up for it/"do penance" for my transgression. It might not do anything for you in that way, but it's worth a try! Might be one of the 30% of things that work.

    The daddy/daughter thing never even entered into my mind, to be honest. I'm sure @mook_z has called me a "bad girl", but I just don't think of it that way. I don't think that's a necessary part of it.

  • PhoenixDownPhoenixDown TejasGold Women Posts: 10,632
    @Monkeys_Uncle I think there's always been an element of Dom/sub with us, for sure.

  • JacquieJacquie Member Posts: 132
    edited October 2012

     

    Beth1977 said:
    I must admit that I am fascinated by spanking. I read this thread earlier today and have been thinking about it ever since. We had a bit of a bad encounter last night, which resulted in me being completed disrespectful. I've been feeing awful about it all day. I met my husband at lunch time and he told me I'm not to speak to him like that ever again. We kissed but I still feel bad. Like I need a release. Is this where spanking could come in? But, like @Monkeys_Uncle, I'm a little put off by what could be perceived as the daddy/daughter dynamic. That just makes me feel ick. And yet...I find I am strangely drawn to this.
    I don't know if it is issues that I have with self esteem, but I know what you mean about feeling bad when I act inappropriately. We don't see it as daddy/daughter at all, but a release of emotion for me. I tend to feel deeply about things and I can tend to let it build up until it may explode all on its own at the wrong time/place. For us its a bonding/building of trust moment, he helps me balance emotionally, letting it out when we choose, when I'm feeling bad about something keeps it from building to the boiling point. Since we started a little more than a year ago I haven't had any blow ups, not even close. Could it be that my own emotional healing coincided with us trying this out and there is really no connection? Maybe; we also began MMSL and the heavy duty work on our relationship about the same time so it could be a combination of things. But looking back on how things were compared to how things are now I don't know if I care to find out.
    (Edit: now that I think about it, I have to wonder if it may help me in not giving so many fitness tests????)
  • PhoenixDownPhoenixDown TejasGold Women Posts: 10,632
    @Jacquie "Release of emotion", that's a good way to word it. It really is.

  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    Part of the reason I posted our story was a desire to highlight the difference between a laughing swat on the ass during sex, or while bending over in front of the dryer; and the more emotional and potentially tricky aspects you can stumble into. I don't mean to make it all drama-ey, but if someone else could avoid the upset and missteps by reading mine that would be great. Read Athol's and Notelrac's comments again before blithely skipping into disciplinary spankings, so you both have some kind of framework. Most of our problems have come from assuming we're far too aware and trusting and grownup to need all those silly rules, like "safewords". That by discussing that stuff ahead of time, it's like we're dissecting the mechanics of a kiss, ruining it. Don't make our "snowflaking" mistake ;)
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    PhoenixDownPersephone
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