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For us, it's dom/sub stuff, but we're really new to this & still figuring it out as we go. It's only one way, though. I don't like being spanked. However, I do like being scratched.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
Yes. Although I would characterize this as "discipline spanking", and not "erotic spanking."
For it to work, your husband has to buy into it. This means he must:
a) be intellectually ok with the reasoning behind the act
b) be knowledgeable about how to perform the physical act without causing permanent damage
c) be emotionally prepared so as to not not end up feeling guilty or wrong for having spanked you
d) be ready to provide the immediate aftercare needed
e) be willing to let the incident be "over" and never bring it up or hold it against you
To do it right, there's a lot more than just buying a paddle and flailing away. Most of it has to be done by the dominant partner in the relationship. There are a lot of rewards if everything works out, though.
One day I gave my wife a swat on the ass, and she responded so well I gave her another one... she was very into it, so I carried on for a bit before directing the encounter elsewhere. I teased her about giving her a spanking for being slow a few evenings later, and it burst into a torrent of innuendo.
I figured if it was something she might enjoy once in awhile, and it will turn her on, I might as well get good at it, I studied technique, learned some tricks, and tried a few things out. Now it is a semi-regular part of our menu. I honestly get nothing out of it, it doesn't turn me on at all, but it gets her going and it is a DHV, so I use it well. If she has a serious sub streak, I am still excavating it little by little.
As to the rest of the "parenting dynamic" and the like, I generally don't think about it too much. There's no point in overthinking anything if it will ruin your fun. It gets her off, it gets me more... what more is worth thinking about?
All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.
Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project
My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship
BrianC said: This is exactly the attitude we had, that we didn't need to do any thinking, what could it hurt? What could happen? If you're just going to have some playful swats on the ass during sex or foreplay, or smack someone playfully as you walk through the house, no worries. But if you're going to explore anything more serious, do it consciously. Don't repeat our mistake - my guy would like to say to the forum, "I was arrogant, I didn't need any instructions or reading for something so simple. To have what we have, we must talk to each other, and check in."
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
Sex should always be approached with keen empathy, we do need to be able to see when we have moved from erotic play into something deeper.
All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.
Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project
My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship
Erotic spanking is probably best just talked about as a test and then try it out carefully.
Some people it really works, some people not so much.
It's all the old wiring at work here, males used to establish dominance purely on the basis of their ability to be violent. So there's female wiring to auto-submit to the presence of a physically dominant male - which is why women will do ANYTHING to avoid being isolated with a male they have zero sexual interest in.
Spanking is a safe way of evoking that old wiring and getting an erotic thrill from it.
One Hour Call 12-Week Guided MAP
"The turnaround is tremendous. And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects. I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force.
He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well." - Scarlet
It used to be perfectly legal for a husband to spank his wife, even if she didn't consent. I wouldn't want to go back to that, but it does show that in the not-too-distant past, spanking was not confined to the daddy/daughter dynamic.
Erotic spankings can be very hot, but I don't want disciplinary spankings. From what I've read on DD forums, , most disciplinary spankings seem to result from either A) the man micromanaging the woman, or
the woman acting like a spoiled, misbehaving child to get the spanking she craves. Neither appeals to me.
My husband is not interested in micromanagement on any level, nor is our relationship parental. I'm strong and capable and he trusts my judgement as his equal. However, he is firmly the leader and knows I will submit when necessary.
There is a bit of 'Daddy' going on but it's a small charming part of our intimacy and doesn't play out during spanking. For us, that part is not related.
Kar
Erotic spankings are, um....orgasm-inducing fun. Discipline spankings are painful. Completely different strokes, different warmup and aftercare. Different mental frame. Just happens to be the same body parts. In fact a lot of Doms will have a flogger or whip that they *only* use for discipline, just to highlight the distinction.
Let me try and put it in perspective. Let's assume that you like to have vigorous sex on occasion. But sometimes your partner does something and you go "ouch!" and so they back off on the intensity. Well, there's the same sort of distinction with spanking techniques. With discipline spanking, you don't back off.
An experienced Dom knows where the line is between causing pleasure and inflicting pain on whomever they're working with, because they spent a few sessions figuring out where it was. With discipline spanking, you have to cross over that line. It takes a certain amount of mental preparation for the Dom to be able to do this without negative aftereffects, because most people are conditioned against deliberately hurting other people.
One Hour Call 12-Week Guided MAP
"The turnaround is tremendous. And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects. I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force.
He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well." - Scarlet
But in any case, do not argue and engage with logic and otherwise give credence to shit that is patently untrue "you *hit* me". Just cut it off, short.
"Bullshit, that's less of a hit than a massage." Something short and sweet. Or amplify, "Good God! Call the cops! I really should be locked up for that grievous offense! I don't know how you manage to withstand such an abusive environment!" If she rolls her eyes or gives in to the obvious ridiculous, move in and swat her again while holding her close, and whisper, "*That's* for trying to make something harmless and flirty into a fight" and go do something else. Have a mad silly wrestling match with the kids, complete with pinches and tickles and pats on their little butts, and cut her out of the fun.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
In a discipline spanking, he is either angry at me, or I am angry or snippy, or confrontational or we both just aren't on the same page and banter is rising to point of a real argument occurring. He has the authority to stop an argument in it's tracks, or stop my or his own moodiness that can lead to an argument by quickly and decisively re-establishing his dominance and authority with a spanking. I feel quite submissive following and we feel very reconnected. At that time usually, if we need to continue talking about whatever the issue was, we both do so much more calmer.
Do I 'like' discipline spankings? Yes and no. I like that he is man enough to take me in hand and deal with me and/or the problem directly instead of storming off and ignoring me or the problem (like in other relationships I've had), He maintains his role as leader, and I am quite turned on by his strength, and mettle to use it, and also turned on by his desire to engage the relationship to a solution instead of disengage. I'm aroused by his authority in a general sense and it makes me want to please him. Any irritable mood or sassiness on my part prior to the spanking usually vanishes and I feel better.
The reason I don't like it. I don't the like feeling of him being angry or irritated by me. The moment he grabs my hand and drags me to the bedroom and bends me over the bed is intimidating and I'm very apprehensive. I'm in big trouble and I know it. I don't like it in the moment but I know it's restorative benefits for both of us so it's a win-win. It turns him on. He feels masculine and proud to have me trust him with my body. It makes him cherish me more. He knows I will submit to him in this way and it makes him feel like the head of the household. He doesn't feel like my parent but absolutely my leader. He is very protective and attentive to me and balances with plenty of beta.
Discipline spankings don't happen very often, but let me tell you, there is always an erotic air between us. I am hyper aware of his alpha masculine power because we both know he can and will use it.
Kar