Avalinette's MAP

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  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316
    mrs_h said:

    Have you considered locking LO in the bathroom with you with some toys or coloring books? Kind of defeats the purpose of "alone," but then you can at least have a shower to start your day. Is she still in a crib? She might yell or cry, but a shower doesn't take that long.... (If you have more kids, you get less sensitive to the crying, and especially the yelling :-)

    Absolutely...though, it works better to just put her in the shower with me...she loves having a shower. The point of the shower in this context is not so much to clean myself or to start my day with a shower, but to start my day with a bit of alone time. I could just as happily spend that time reading a book or having some tea or planning my day, but I think it's easier to signal 'leave me alone' and 'LO is H's responsibility' if I go hide in the shower.

  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    Report on last week

    • home cooked dinner every night (M-F): We had takeout Tu and F (but homecooked meals all weekend). Tu I had food and was prepared to make it, but H requested takeout. F I requested takeout because I was tired and had had a hard day.
    • keep cleaning under control esp. tiled floors, bathrooms and kitchen: I managed till Thurs and then it kinda fell apart :( My kitchen floor esp. has been a mess all weekend. The general messiness of the house all weekend was a real downer on the weekend :(
    • make a cake : I did :) With a chocolate ganache icing...and I served it with fresh whipped cream :D
    • I'd like to say have a shower every morning :Did this and gonna do it again this week.
    • Something social: We went to ladies Bible study :D None of my planned play dates worked out, but we had an impromptu invited over to the neighbours play date. 

  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    This week

    • Socialising: I've made a new thread to explore this, so there are more details there. This week, we're doing park/museum with another family on Fri. I will probably go to mothers' group, but no promises. H and I have also agreed to invite someone ever for a barbecue Friday. I'll text my friend T to try set up a playdate with her and her kids.
    • Housekeeping: Had a fight with H last night: one of the points of contention was that I'm not keeping the house clean and tidy enough :( I've undertaken to put things away when I'm done with them this week and to make dinner M-F. I will also get the downstairs floors clean (hopefully today) and then work on maintenance. I'd like to do more tidying upstairs this week, esp master bedroom and secondly, LO's bedroom.
  • ScarletScarlet Category Moderator** Posts: 7,542

    What are your husband's specific complaints? 

    Speak your truth. 
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    @Scarlet, kinda processing the fight still and typing up the specifics on my other thread. Atm it looks a lot more like an ugly victim puke full of justifications. I can't post that in public. I can pm it to you if you like...

    Scarlet
  • ScarletScarlet Category Moderator** Posts: 7,542

    Please do.  I'd like to help you sort out what are reasonable expectations and what are not. 

    Speak your truth. 
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    Ok @Scarlet. In the back of my mind I am at some point going to do a proper post asking other people's ideas on what a fair distribution of labour is for working man/SAHM.

  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    Report on the week:

    • socialising: All my plans got cancelled due to them/us being sick. We did go to mothers' group though.
    • Housework: I think I did well on putting stuff away as I go. I got compliments from H on Mon and Tues for having a clean and tidy house when he got home :) I made dinner M-F and have leftovers for today and a roast for tomorrow. I got all the downstairs floors clean and have kept them clean all week. I got the master bedroom tidied but not LO's room.

    Today I'm sick and feel like rubbish. I'll write out my goals for next week later when I'm in a better frame of mind.

  • BoltzmannBrainsBoltzmannBrains UKSilver Member Posts: 11

    Maintain an attitude of looking forward and not dwelling on the past. It doesn't matter that I had a bad day yesterday: today I'll do better.

    Thanks for that.  I'm going to copy and paste that to my map file

    I think both you and your husband are being a bit hard on someone who is seven months pregnant with a toddler to look after.


    Ok @Scarlet. In the back of my mind I am at some point going to do a proper post asking other people's ideas on what a fair distribution of labour is for working man/SAHM.


    After the birth of our third child, I offered to cook all the meals during my month off on paternity leave. I quickly empathized with why my wife found it such a chore.  Its the responsibility, day in, day out, that is soul destroying.  So when I went back to work I offered to take some of that responsibility and buy and cook for 4 meals per week. I prepare the food in advance, normally the evening before.  My wife does the side vegetables and rice/pasta and heats it up.  As an example, this week I made borscht soup, lentil cottage pie, and enough basil pesto for a couple of days.  I made this up with my son, so included some quality time with him.  


    Angeline[Deleted User]AlphaBelle
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    @BoltzmannBrains, I think I need the reminder myself this week:

    Maintain an attitude of looking forward and not dwelling on the past. It doesn't matter that I had a bad day yesterday: today I'll do better.



  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    My goals for this week are gonna have to be easy ones cause I'm sick.

    • Fixing my mental state: I have homework from the psychologist- to write up a list of things that make me happy and spend at least half an hour a day doing one of them.
    • Housework: we're having a carpet professionally cleaned on Wed; I'll set up home delivery of groceries (on my list to do before baby comes anyway and I doubt I'll be physically up to going out for the groceries this week so now's as good a time as any); for the rest of the housework, I'll try and  do what I can without over extending myself (and somehow find the wisdom to know the difference), I'd like to clean the bathrooms.
    • Socialising: I suspect I'm gonna have to cancel going out to dinner with a friend Tues cause I'm sick :disappointed: My best friend R is coming over Fri afternoon :smiley: 
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316
    edited June 2014

    Last week's goals:

    • I made my list of what makes me happy. It made me realise that I don't really know what makes me happy, but I managed to come up with a few things. I did do my half hour of doing one of the things every day. Most days I relaxed with a novel and a piece of chocolate and no LO (which was the first thing I was able to think about that makes me happy)
    • Did the carpets, did the groceries and did the bathrooms. We ate home cooked food every night with H doing some of the cooking and my house ended up fairly clean and tidy by Friday.
    • Socialising: I saw R on Friday and it was great to catch up with her. We also went to a wedding on Saturday and church on Sunday (today) and both times I did quite a bit of socialising. It's hard to define, but I know for myself I did more being social with people than usual and less hiding behind 'I have to look after LO' to avoid it. At church especially, there were more times than usual where LO running off was more of a nuisance than a convenience. 

    I'll write up next week's goals on Tuesday.

    [Deleted User]Cowboy
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    This week

    • Mental state: Share my list of things that make me happy with H and do one very day
    • Housework: downstairs tidy (except for cooking mess and whatever  LO is playing with) when H gets home every day; generally stay on top of cleaning and cooking; homecooked meal every night.
    • Socialising: I have quite a few things already planned for this week, so one goal is to do those things. Also, plan a play date for next week.
    [Deleted User]
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    Last week

    • Mental state: did my happy thing every day. Most days that was to read a novel and eat chocolate cause that's the only item on my list that I know works and is easy to organise. I still haven't shared the list with H (partly, didn't get a chance and partly me avoiding it...)
    • Housework: We had the homecooked meal every night. I think I had downstairs tidy nearly every day; had the bed made some days too. House was a bit messy/dirty at start of the week, but I got it under control and it looked really good by Friday. I even tidied LO's bedroom (which is the bottom of my tidying priority list)
    • Socialising: I did the things I'd planned including both mother's group and Ladies Bible Study (though in hindsight, maybe I should have skipped the Bible Study because the going out to it aspect was exhausting). We had our first friends over for a barbecue at our new house Friday night :). The playdate I tried to organise for this week fell through, but met a new person (lives around the corner, new to the city, daughter same age as my daughter and her husband works at the same place as H) at mother's group and invited her over. She was very happy to be invited: I'm the first person in this city to have invited her she says. I also spoke to one of the other Mom's from church about starting our own playgroup and she's keen :)

    This week

    • Mental state: share the list with H and do something from it every day
    • Housework: homecooked meal every night, downstairs tidy when H gets home every day, do all the laundry I didn't do last week, mop the kitchen floor
    • Socialising: playdate Tues, barbecue Friday, organise playdate for next week, get playgroup running next week.
    [Deleted User]
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    Last week:

    • I did share my list with H and did my one thing a day through the week
    • Housework: did everything but mopping the kitchen floor
    • Did all my socialising things

    This week has started badly: I had a fall (down stairs), so I'm all sore and stiff and trying to rest and LO is acting up (or responding to me being kinda out of action). This week, I'm just going to try and survive.

  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    Last week we ate homecooked food every evening (H did some cooking), I did all the laundry (H did the carrying up and down stairs part), we did all the dishes. I didn't do any cleaning, but had at least one part of the house tidy when H got home 4 nights out of 5. I finally started doing some journalling that I've been putting off :) and some admin stuff. LO was a real handful with more tantrums and difficulties than usual and me unable to do as much with her as usual (couldn't carry her for a few days and still can't easily to anything at floor level).

    This week I'm still resting up. Three (five?) monkeys:

    • home cooked food every night
    • tidy downstairs in evenings
    • organise a professional houseclean
    • 2 admin type phonecalls
    • organise a play date
    [Deleted User]
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    Last week's goals

    • We had homecooked food every night except Wednesday when we had babysitting so H and I went out to a restaurant :) and Monday I ate out with a friend but H and LO still had homecooked food. Interestingly, I also did just about no cooking all week. H did enough cooking on the weekend that the leftovers of that plus some leftovers from my cooking in the previous week, gave us enough food for the week. Friday we had a barbecue so I H cooked the meat. The only cooking I did this week was baking a cake and making soup (which is now in the fridge for later)
    • I think I had downstairs at least somewhat tidy most days, probably got 100% on about 3 days (I didn't really track it). Also had the bed made most days by the time H got home.
    • House is being professionally cleaned on Monday :) and then every 4 weeks after that :D
    • I did more than 2 admin phonecalls. I got the 2 I'd earmarked done on Monday
    • Playdate: I made a few calls, but haven't actually got anything finalised. Didn't manage to get any playdates for this past week, but did have an adult friend (without kids) over in the day on Wed. Also had dinner myself with a friend (longest time LO has been alone with H at bedtime) and had another couple over for dinner on Friday night.
    AngelineKattOlddogSerenity
  • AvalinetteAvalinette In the kitchenSilver Member Posts: 1,316

    This week's goals

    • Be ready for baby  (this is a very vague goal...is one ever actually ready?  I'd like to feel ready, but don't know whether I will. More concretely, I have a list of stuff like 'pack hospital bag, wash baby clothes etc' so I'll try have the important things on that list done)
    • Homecooked food, tidy downstairs, make the bed (barring unusual circumstances)
    • Handwash clothes
    • (Polish shoes...not that important, but I just feel like I want them all polished and shiny before baby comes)
  • OlddogOlddog CanadaSilver Member Posts: 743

    You can polish shoes beforehand? Who knew! :)

    Are you going to freeze some meals before baby arrives too?


    "STOP.THAT." - Tennee
    "So it seems to me, that you can in fact, you can teach an old dog new tricks" - Jamie Hyneman
    "So that's like a foursome every time you guys get it on!  - Monkeys_Uncle h/t Katherine Kelly
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